Jay, are we related?     So much of what you said applies to me.  I *know* there were more than a few times over the years that I made a comment along the lines of "I must have been a girl in my previous life", and the funny thing is that I never felt awkward saying it.  I can remember sort of hoping that what I said would be approved. 

I had tried crossdressing back in the mid 1990's, before I even knew what transsexualism was.  Back then it was just something "different" to try.  I was in my early 20's.  If it weren't for the Internet, though, I have doubts that I would ever be where I am now.  Because if not for the 'net', I wouldn't have met any others like me.  Now, I did entertain the thought YEARS AGO of just moving out to California where being different is appealing to everyone.  I would have fit in great, there.  I'm a country girl at heart now, and am enjoying the multiple roads I am taking in raising my son, transitioning to womanhood (until I fix my face, I'm not going to get far) and working with my wife to achieve our dream of owning and running a large organic produce farm.

Aeron

I actually started transition 25 years ago.  After seeing Christine Jorgenson on the Phil Donahue Show.  I then read Rene Richards story and Jan Morris's.  So I contacted the local Gay board and they got me to a therapist.  She put me in touch with a local CD group, who later became NWGA here in Portland.  Thru them I met several girls who had transitioned and had SRS.  But my therapist pushed me in full time, before I was ready.  I lost my job, my folks told me that I was not to do "it" in their house.  I was living with them at the time.  So I was forced to live a miserable life until the internet.  Now I am freer and happier than I even could have been then.  I felt like a freak and was depressed.  With the Internet I have found out how many there are of people like us , in varying degrees of transition.

The internet is a God sent for those who are looking for help and guidance.  Susan's is one of many meeting places for the transgendered community,  but it is one of the very best.

There has never been more information about GID than now.

IMHO,
Janet

Quote from: Always Amanda on June 10, 2008, 05:11:16 PM

My image of what a transsexual was pre-internet was a guy in a dress based on how the media portrayed us.
I knew nothing about hormones, I did not know your body changed, I did not know your face changed. And I was
certainly NOT that guy in a dress. When I heard "sex change" I thought guys just had their willy cut off, did not
have anything like a vagina and still looked like guys. So with that image in my head it never occurred to me that how I
thought, what I felt could ever mean that I was transsexual. But looking back... omg... there were so many clues. I feel so
stupid for not once thinking "what does this mean?" in my teens and twenties.

Amanda

Like many times before, you Amanda have written my own thoughts... Only that my realisation of "the great truth" came in my mid-teens

QuoteLike many times before, you Amanda have written my own thoughts... Only that my realisation of "the great truth" came in my mid-teens

I feel SO happy for those of you that were able to have the information you needed and were able
to find yourself so early. You are lucky beyond belief.  And you will have a great life because of it.

Amanda

I believe with all my heart and soul, that we ARE information.  Our bodies, our cells, our dna.  When we add new information to the database, all of your cells and every part of your body become activated with that information.  We are here to learn lessons and expand our consciousness.  I believe everyone at a place like Susan's has activated their own cellular information network, and that is irreversible. 

I went through that questioning that you pose right now Amanda.  It is something like healing.  We have to let go of the times that we were not 'activated' with the knowlege of our true selves.  Those were precious times in their own right.  These are new precious times.  Healing and letting go has been a constant process for me my whole life.  We call it 'healing' - it could also be thought of as nurturing.  The information activates our cellular true nature, the hormones reverse the damage of testosterone, and our minds convince us and others that what we know now about ourselves, is true.

I was similar to what you described - absolutely clueless.  I used to hang out with gays, lesbians a lot in Vancouver, and I never suspected anything, because I was trying to figure out if I was gay, and thought that was the only other choice.  Sometimes when I think of it, I am absolutely flabbergasted at how I had no clue.  One time a  photographer femmed me up in a photo he took of me with photo colors.  I couldn't believe how girlish I looked - I was excited, and I saved it, but little did I know... 

Thanks for starting this - it's been a big issue for me.

I have been online for many years now, however it wasn't until May 07' I joined this site and got the confidence and support to actually come out and get things started. I didn't know what I was or how to go about it. Sure I had seen TV programs on it but they never really answered my questions, the internet however especially Susans has helped me 100%.

I was born in 1949 and I thought I was a (normal) girl up until age 8 (1957) when it finally sunk in that something wasn't "normal", that something was wrong. By age 13 I was determined to do something about it, read up on human physiology and started taking oestrogen whenever and how ever I could get my hands on it (which wasn't often, wasn't legal, and was often dangerous).

By 15 (1964) I knew there were others like me and started trying to get medical help. That was next to impossible because doctors didn't know anything about it and shrinks just labelled me homosexual.

When Dr. Benjamin's book came out (1966 or 67), I finally had something I could hand to the doctors (the rare ones who would not refuse to read it). By 1968 more doctors were better informed and I finally got my first legal prescription for estrogen. In 1974 I discovered Dr. Biber and I was GONE!

Information? What information?

And what it "the Internet"? 

Without the internet I would be dead right now. I've known about trans since I accidentally came ->-bleeped-<- porn when I was 13, but I didn't have the will to transition until I was 20 and that's only because I came across a forum that had a topic aimed at trans people who where under the age of 20 (Which I was when I found it AGE 19) and it said something along the lines of "If you know that you won't be happy as you are now and under the age of 25 tell someone anyone who will hear you your feelings don't wait, your not alone" I cried when I found that cause I knew then death or the long hard road to freedom, but it still took me two months to say something (Nov 19 2007 to Feb 21 2008) it's been a long 17 years of hellish pain and denial until my existence became MY existence

I don't think so, I'd always just figured I'd be dead by now. If I hadn't found my avenues towards help through the internet I think I would be. I'm really not good at the face to face contact, I researched everything and made up my mind of what I wanted to do (and tried to do it) before seeking any counseling or medical intervention in person.

I can't imagine where I'd be without the internet o___o

I use it for everything

I've rarely had a day without going online at least once in about 10 years

I don't even know what my life would be like never mind whether or not I'd have figured out I was trans

Life was hard before the net but we still found a way. Truly the net is a great blessing to all minorities oppressed or not.

It would of taken me a lot longer to find out why I felt this way without the internet.  Took me time to even learn some definition of the word.  I had never heard of the word itself till was 19 and thought it was a form of being gay.  Took me meeting a few and seeing some of the movies and feeling a sense of 'wow that's what I feel like' before I finally turned to my long time research friend, the internet.

Thats a really good question , Both actually If i were blind i still would have to undergo all this the sight aspect does not really sneek into this does it its just a fact isnt it you just know at some point that you are as you are and something that outward doesnt match the inside.. so no matter if you could litteraly see the extierior you would still know it is not right with who you are in that case for me I would still have to change it for how can you be who you are if you dont match.

And as far as the net god I am so thankful for the info that I have found ( the correct and not distorted or dilueted stuff ) I have found so much info my brain aches but I mutter through it and find the acurate stuff..( very difficult but none the less can be done ) I use to try and figure it out in the dusty sections of my local library but there is only so much you can find and it is usually just the psycobable and you just want to drop to your knees and cry.....

when i was eight i learned about the differences in my body and that of how I knew i should be they were so different but yet in many ways they were the same  ( more confusion )
they say that knowledge will set us free, So I still gather the knowledge and yet I am not totally free someday soon I feel it will happen and then fly to the angles that guided me to the correct knowledge to get me there... angels are those who only want the best for you and I find many on this journey... I just want to thank them now  and to say you are all a big help to so many keep up the good you do..

Long before the internet I told myself if I was single at 60 I would transition.
Though I also was not sure I would make it to that age.

So yeah, regardless of the internet I would have at least tried.

I didn't know what I was. I knew I wasn't a "regular" guy, and I also knew I wasn't gay. (not a gay male, anyway.) So I just tried to deal as best i could, and try to cover the feelings that no one else around me seemed to have. It was actually cable tv that showed me a larger world, and my place in it. A documentary on Discovery or one of those networks was my moment when i understood what I am. Without information, when we feel like "the only one", I think change is unlikely. I would probably still be struggling along as someone I'm not, if I hadn't finally found out that there were others like me and that it all had a name.