Sometimes, I find myself smiling inanely like an idiot, unable to stop grinning and giggling. The joy of this state, of becoming myself is the most amazing experience, the greatest joy that overcomes every self-conscious, awkward reading, every discomfort as bits and pieces grow and change, every depressive low.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is happiness here - I'm still discontented. I have things that I desire, things that I strive for and would like to change. I have as many concerns and probles as every other person on the bus, and I also worry for the future. But the joy, the freedom that is slowly opening itself to me here ... wow.

My mind is able again to feel and express like when I was a child. Men demand control, control of themselves, of those around them, of their environment. To a man that control is a gift, a tool that allows him to act coldly when needed, to be hard and dangerous and brave and occasionally damned foolish. But to me, that control was like a straight-jacket, one that smothered me for 15 years. It was like my empathy was choked, my intuition deadened, my feeling cut off. Now it's free, and I feel joy. I am overwhelmed by sadness and beauty. I can cry and laugh again.

I feel a lightness of body. It's like everything just moves right, like the parts just fit better. I am become surer and more confident in everything I do. There is a looseness and flexibility to me now, a suppleness and animal grace that is so intoxicating. Men are rigid, hard and unyielding. To a man, that rigidity is a blessing, power to oppose and endure, strength and force and brute will to overcome. But to me, that rigidity was a vice. I was awkward and clumsy, bull-in-a-chinashop dangerous. Now there is a looseness, and I can dance again.

I don't know if this is something natal women or men ever get to understand and appreciate as fully as I do now - the joy of being confident and secure within your mind and body, the privelage of a matching spirit and flesh. They say that we can never truly appreciate something until we've experienced the contrast, the opposite. Until it has been taken from us. If that be the case, then I am blessed.

~Simone.

Both moving and profound........

Thank you for sharing this peice...

Chrissty

As long as it's not taken to an extreme, control can be a good thing. If you have control over your life, you feel more secure.

Even the most graceful of women can have enormous mental and emotional strength. That, in my opinion, is what makes them succeed.

Quote from: nathan on June 28, 2008, 07:30:34 AM
As long as it's not taken to an extreme, control can be a good thing. If you have control over your life, you feel more secure.

Even the most graceful of women can have enormous mental and emotional strength. That, in my opinion, is what makes them succeed.

Ah, but rigid control does not necessarily equal strength. Women are flexible, like willow-wood, able to bounce back from stuff that would make most men keel over and die. Male strength, to my mind anyway, is by contrast like stone, all unyielding and rigid, but apply too much pressure and it cracks. Permanently.

~Simone.

People become infected with "the flu", "the chicken-pox", "the measles", even "the plague"; sounds like you've become infected with "the life". (Feel free to waft the contagion this way ).

Seriously, it's wonderful that you feel this way. I'm very happy for you.

Quote from: lady amarant on June 28, 2008, 07:18:23 PM
Women are flexible, like willow-wood, able to bounce back from stuff that would make most men keel over and die.

Ok, like what stuff? (I'm not trying to troll your thread here, I'm honestly just curious to how you think. )

And Lutin, I <3 your avatar! 

QuoteAnd Lutin, I <3 your avatar!

Thanks hon! I saw it and it just summarised me and my childhood perfectly (I distinctly remember wanting to become a vampire and go to school and do everything as one when I was about eight ).

Quote

QuoteWomen are flexible, like willow-wood, able to bounce back from stuff that would make most men keel over and die.

Ok, like what stuff? (I'm not trying to troll your thread here, I'm honestly just curious to how you think. )

I find it in my own family (mostly centered 'round my typically-unhelpful, self-centered, unthinking adolescent brother). Mum will ask him to do something, and then later start nagging, but is open to negotiation, and is reasonably flexible. If there's a party or something and the pick-up time changes from 10 to 11 or whatever, Mum will just go with the flow.
    Dad, on t'other hand, expects Mike (my brother) to do what he asks when he asks (not maliciously or anything, but whereas if Mum asks Mike to do the dishes, and he says he'll do it when he's finished something on the computer, and she's fine with that so long as they get done, Dad tends to be "No, do them now," no negotiation allowed). As for parties, if it's Dad picking him up, and the pick-up time varies by only half an hour, Dad gets all stroppy about wishing he'd been told earlier, etc. etc. etc.

Point is, while Mum can be too lenient, she is very flexible and can adapt easily, whereas Dad needs to know everything well in advance - which he forgets anyway. He asked Mum earlier on this year, "is there anything on on the 10th of March? 'Cause there's a conference in Hobart it would be good to go to." "The 10th of March is your daughter's 21st birthday, you're not going anywhere." "Oh. Yeah." Honestly, how many years had he known that my 21st would be then?!

So yes, I don't know about men in general, so it could very well just be my Dad, but certainly chez moi it's the flexible-willow-wand-woman vs keeling-over-and-dying-through-inflexibility(-and-forgetfulness/disorganisation) man. Great fun.

Bisous

Lutin

Simone,
I am so glad that you are giddy about life.  I know how you feel I have been feeling the same way.

IMHO, men are in control because we allow them to be.  Gives them a sense of power, which we also allow them to have.   Some men have a saying that proves that they are happily married, it is "Yes Dear".

Janet

Quote from: Lutin on July 01, 2008, 10:01:43 PM
Point is, while Mum can be too lenient, she is very flexible and can adapt easily, whereas Dad needs to know everything well in advance - which he forgets anyway. He asked Mum earlier on this year, "is there anything on on the 10th of March? 'Cause there's a conference in Hobart it would be good to go to." "The 10th of March is your daughter's 21st birthday, you're not going anywhere." "Oh. Yeah." Honestly, how many years had he known that my 21st would be then?!

So yes, I don't know about men in general, so it could very well just be my Dad, but certainly chez moi it's the flexible-willow-wand-woman vs keeling-over-and-dying-through-inflexibility(-and-forgetfulness/disorganisation) man. Great fun.

Bisous

I had to Google bisous.   Learn something new everyday!

Good example you've got here. I would argue that your Mum is being just as inflexible with that "You aren't going anywhere" bit, but that's just one example.  No use in picking the brain for specific behavior traits.

Oh, and Happy (very late) 21st!   >

I'm happy for you! Perhaps I will get to feel the same way in the future.