Don't worry so much about the "party line." Popular culture tells us that once we find ourselves we have to rewrite our history to make sense in the present, but it's just not true. Sure, it's common for a 40-year-old woman to decide/realize that she is a lesbian, and with retrospect say, "Wow, *this event* and *that signal* when I was younger makes sense now, I should have known all along!" But in reality, I don't think it's so clear-cut. There are transpeople who look back and say, "Wow, I was a woman all along 'trapped' in a male body," but... honestly?
When I transitioned, it was not because I found that I fit perfectly into the supposed "true" transsexual type. I never HATED my penis, though I did come to find it to be incongruent, personally. What triggered my transition was the realization that I would only become more masculine. A late, weak male puberty had held things off for a while, but by the time I was nearly 21 I knew that action had to be taken. I simply could not take another hair sprouting on my face, let alone continuing to try to live up to a male social role. Something that helped a lot probably was that I had taken some time off after earning my Bachelor's because I wasn't quite ready to continue my education. That year out of school really allowed me to make peace with myself and slowly adjust without having to deal with being out in the world, do you know what I mean?
I'll stop; I feel like I'm babbling. I just meant to say that you shouldn't feel the need to justify yourself by uncovering some transsexual past. You owe nothing to anyone, and it's your body and your choice. Either way, you'll do what's right for you.
Lia
