I'm 33, married with a 2-year-old son. I've always felt that I was "supposed to be a girl," and just the other day my wife told me that I have a lot of "good feminine qualities." She knows that before we were together, I experimented with dressing and dating men while dressed. I also have dated mtf and ftm tg folks in the past (and still find them attractive). A few years ago I told her I wanted to transition, and it went BADLY. So now I'm deep back in the closet, even though those thoughts are racing through my head constantly.

One idea that has more appeal to me these days is taking hormones but still presenting myself as a man. Maybe it's the kinky side of me, but I sort of dig the idea of being a big, bearded guy who is hiding feminine curves under his clothes.

But my mind is totally a mess.. I'm looking for a therapist, but I'd love to talk to other people who want to express aspects of both genders...

Hi J/J

There are lots of us here who are struggling to find themselves and their places in the Gender world.  For myself, sometimes I know exactly who and what I am, and other times I haven't a clue.  I'm not really sure which one is worse.  I'm at peace when I have the certainty of my place in the world, but then I want to rush headlong into presenting my real self, which has its own intimidating potential consequences.  When I'm lost in the fog, everything gets put on hold and I tend to hibernate until an answer rolls though.

I am one of "those people" who display aspects of both genders.  How can I help you?  What would you like to talk about?  You can ask questions here on the forum, or send me a PM if you wish.

........Laurry

Laurry,
Thanks so much for replying. I can't think of a specific question right now, but I'd love to hear your story...

Well Johnny/Johnnie, hang out, see how you feel about this place and explore your options. This forum (especially this particular section of it) is great, they will treat you well and try to help all they can. There more than few here who can relate to your problems, myself included.

Sunday is typically a slow day for the forums, but others will be around shortly.

Hi Johnny/Johnnie,

Welcome to Susan's and to the androgyne forum. I first came out as transgender in 1993, have considered myself to be androgyne or neither gender for a few years, and yet, I'm still in the process of figuring it all out. Enjoy the journey!

Zythyra

I'm  bearded guy who is actively moving toward having "Fem Curves"
welcome to Susan's
good luck
ask questions here to find out more about us, this place has helped me heaps
 

Thank you all for your kind words. If any of you would like to talk, I'm on yahoo messenger quite a bit.

Posted on: June 30, 2008, 02:53:08 PM

---

Quote from: Kinkly on June 30, 2008, 12:53:42 AM
I'm  bearded guy who is actively moving toward having "Fem Curves"
welcome to Susan's
good luck
ask questions here to find out more about us, this place has helped me heaps
 

Thanks, Kinkly... I'd love to talk to you in particular a bit more about this.

Johnny - you're not the only one feeling this way, or rather trying to find their way. I'm also thinking that i'm androgyne but maybe with a little twist of MTF (if that is even possible), or at least i'd like to incorporate some femininity into my look. Today I even braved the female cosmetics section at the store and picked out some clear nail polish and put it on (looks down at horrible nail painting job ) Baby steps....

As far as fem curves, i'm working on that as well and have made a little bit of progress on it. It feels right to me and makes me happy.

Hi Johnny/Johnnie,

   I'm sorry to hear that you're stuck being closeted.  It does help to mingle with similar people, though, so feel free to ask anything.  There's no judging here and it's important that everyone not only feel welcome but that they also learn the necessary skills to become who they are.


Rebis

From what you're saying here, I can't really give an opinion. You're going to have to give this a lot of thought. If you like being both, you might be both, you know?

A therapist will most certainly help. But be completely honest, even the embarrassing stuff.