Some couselling session yesterday - has me worried that full time will not bring me relief as there is always another step (SRS).

So what is the experience out there - Full Time will be enough to get rid of my disphoria and I will be able to at last enjoy my life.

I though I was better today - I guess ansixty is taking over again  .

Alice

I don't think anyone can predict that with a lot of accuracy, Alice. We certainly all, I'm sure, hope that FT brings you some relief. But it can be stressful at first as well.

So, all the best and here's hoping FT does absolutely what you want it to.



Nichole

Phew - Panic over for now - I will just go Manic.

Gee my breast are ich, hopfully a good sign, They have never felt like this before.

In fact they tickle when I try and scatch them, they are extra sensitive at the moment. Lets hope for another growing phase.


Alice

Quote from: Alice on July 29, 2008, 07:27:25 PM
Some couselling session yesterday - has me worried that full time will not bring me relief as there is always another step (SRS).

So what is the experience out there - Full Time will be enough to get rid of my disphoria and I will be able to at last enjoy my life.

I though I was better today - I guess anxiety is taking over again  .

You have to be careful here.  People have different needs and that leads to different answers.  However, in general:

No full-time does not eliminate the dysphoria.

It is however a BIG improvement for most folks.  I was surpised at how smooth everything went.  To me it meant the end of trying to be something I never was.  THAT was a big relief.  That said the body still wasn't right, but it was okay because I knew it would be soon enough.  Now almost 3 years later, I'm post-op, I'm still learning, still assimilating and still very happy.


my 2¢

Quote from: Beyond on July 29, 2008, 07:54:18 PM

It is however a BIG improvement for most folks.  I was surpised at how smooth everything went.  To me it meant the end of trying to be something I never was.  THAT was a big relief.  That said the body still wasn't right, but it was okay because I knew it would be soon enough.  Now almost 3 years later, I'm post-op, I'm still learning, still assimilating and still very happy.


my 2¢

What she said.    I'm so much better because I'm not pretending to be something I'm not; I'm also taking concrete steps to get to where I want to be.  Meanwhile I'm just living my life as usual.

Jay

I never did "full time" - just part time through my teens. At first it was OK but after years it became unbearable - a "tease" of a life I could never have until SRS became possible at age 24. SRS AND full-time was (and still is) GREAT!

Quote from: Alice on July 29, 2008, 07:27:25 PM
So what is the experience out there - Full Time will be enough to get rid of my disphoria and I will be able to at last enjoy my life.

There are no guarantees. Only you really know what you need. What do you think it would take to eliminate your dysphoria? What is it that's making you unhappy now? What is it you're hoping fulltime will provide for you?

~Kate~

I personally absolutely hate having to go to work in 'boy' mode.  I live for my weekends when I don't even have to think about dressing that way.

But September is just around the corner and then he wouldn't exist anymore. 

Will FT cure my dysphoria?  No but I will be alot closer than I was and I'll be happier being me only.

For me, SRS is the end of the nightmare.  From there I will just grow and blossom into my true female self.

I guess everyone will have a different need Alice. I havnt been full time for long, only 6 weeks or so, but for me it has me wanting to run into life now instead of hiding from it. You may remember something I said a while ago about the journey itself being all part of the experience rather than it just being a means to a destination and a begining.

There was no way I could do what I am doing now and stayed in the job I had. I have been going for interviews and have been loving all of it. The here and now hasnt been this appealing in years. I hope you can find happiness in just being Alice. I recon you deserve it.  

Congratualtion Melissa on getting to full time.

I am so glad you are happy as I know it was a long journey for you and I hope you can find that job soon. I am looking forward to sharing that joy with you soon,  I just have to get through this difficault period soon.


Alice

Well i'm not technically full-time, though i allways use my female name Jasmine or Jas, and i probably pass less than 50% of the time. I rarely wear anything sold for men unless i have to (shoes can be so hard to find).
I started off wearing unisex clothing sold specifically for women, and then as i became comfortable I have bought nicer clothes (still no dresses).

Somehow, since i accepted myself 9 months ago, i have had a kind of partial numbness to the world and I feel like "i have to be this way" and so it's almost like i see any critical people as all part of a blur. I think it's because I know that any issues they have are their problem and not mine. I'm a legitimate person regardless of my personality expression.

I find it satisfying to be the same real person all the time, I feel proud to represent the TS community, though I must say it can be frustrating when so many people don't understand. I get annoyed inside when people call me "he" and "him" but i don't want to give up. I'm more determined to pass so that they stop saying these "H" words.

So yes, I have to say that living in my "partially full time" state and progressing makes me feel like a real person of value, and gives me significant releif.

Quote from: Alice on July 30, 2008, 05:09:12 AM
I am looking forward to sharing that joy with you soon...

Funny thing though about fulltime is that we long for it for SO long, that's it's really tempting to over-romanticize and idealize "what it'll be like."

On the one hand, I feared I'd be laughed at and ridiculed. On the other, I hoped I'd be all "woo hoo!" about finally being seen for who I am.

In the end though, the actual experience turned out to be... well... kinda boring, lol. It's just not a big deal, as nothing much really changed. The novelty wore off pretty quick, I got bored with it, and the people who know about me got bored with it too. Life goes on now... just as a different sex.

It's not that way for everyone, as many people really blossom and enjoy their newfound freedom to express what they've always felt inside. It's just that for whatever reason, for me it was more like fixing a leaky faucet... in that I'm just REALLY glad it's not driving me crazy anymore with this constant "you need to be a girl!" drip.. drip... drip...

In any case though, ya gotta ask yourself what it is that's really bothering you? What is it that you need and crave, but feel you can't get without transitioning? Someone once said... I think it was Lori... that transitioning won't necessarily make you happy, but it can allow you to find happiness. In and of itself, fulltime may not bring you joy. But it *might* give you the tools and context to find it.

~Kate~

QuoteIt's not that way for everyone, as many people really blossom and enjoy their newfound freedom to express what they've always felt inside. It's just that for whatever reason, for me it was more like fixing a leaky faucet... in that I'm just REALLY glad it's not driving me crazy anymore with this constant "you need to be a girl!" drip.. drip... drip...

Exactly.  Now that the concrete steps for transition are almost put into place, it's time to just get on with life and stop researching and reading ad nauseum (I'm a research geek!).

I actually read a novel this week.  A first in I don't know how many months (maybe over a year?!) when I usually can read one a week.  I'm finding boredom with transitioning and just want to get on with it already.

I guess all I need is a heavy duty wrench...

Jay

Full time should help ease you into SRS. It's a whole lot to take in at once. I think you'll feel some relief. You won't be able to get rid of your dysphoria, but you might be able to suppress it.

Quote from: Elwood on July 30, 2008, 04:40:27 PM
You won't be able to get rid of your dysphoria, but you might be able to suppress it.

Oh I dunno. To me, "dysphoria" refers to the discomfort that comes from living in the wrong role/sex. We change how we live, then there's no more discomfort, and hence there's no more dysphoria?

~Kate~

It is different for everyone. While going FT made it easier for me to deal with some things on my plate, it also made dealing with some other things a lot more difficult. Surgery was not high on my list at first due to the fact that I felt so much better. However, through the years the depression and rage over not being able to afford surgery kept building up and would escape every so often.

YMMV, the path is a bit different for everyone.

Quote from: Kate on July 31, 2008, 12:57:02 PM

Quote from: Elwood on July 30, 2008, 04:40:27 PM
You won't be able to get rid of your dysphoria, but you might be able to suppress it.

Oh I dunno. To me, "dysphoria" refers to the discomfort that comes from living in the wrong role/sex. We change how we live, then there's no more discomfort, and hence there's no more dysphoria?

~Kate~

I guess it's different for everyone. My dysphoria has a lot to do with my body, which won't change until transition.

Quote from: Elwood on July 31, 2008, 04:12:40 PM

Quote from: Kate on July 31, 2008, 12:57:02 PM

Quote from: Elwood on July 30, 2008, 04:40:27 PM
You won't be able to get rid of your dysphoria, but you might be able to suppress it.

Oh I dunno. To me, "dysphoria" refers to the discomfort that comes from living in the wrong role/sex. We change how we live, then there's no more discomfort, and hence there's no more dysphoria?

I guess it's different for everyone. My dysphoria has a lot to do with my body, which won't change until transition.

Oh I agree. I meant once people change whatever it is they need to change, the dysphoria CAN disappear.

Yes though, for me it was a physical AND social AND sexual problem... but NOT about "expression" or repressed femininity.

Fixed the social, the physical is ALMOST fixed, and then... we'll see

~Kate~

I'm worried that my dysphoria will never completely go away because I'll never have a normal penis.  I do feel, however, I can like the rest of my body.