Hello
* sorry for editing, I tried to post here before but the system told me I couldn´t so I didn´t want to write something long only to find out it had been a waste of time

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Ok I´m quite sure it won´t make any difference but here goes nothing...I´m feeling so miserable...and I haven´t got any friends so I guess it´s up to you to put up with my problems. And there´s no emoticon strong enough to express what I´m feeling right now as tears are growing in the corner of my eyes.

I was about 6 y.o. when I saw on TV a beautiful girl doing gymnastics and I clearly remember thinking " I want to be like that "...I imediately started crossdressing to try and resemble the girl I had seen...and then by the age of 13, I was wearing my hair long and as I walked into a bookshop the shop attendant asked me " Can I help you Miss ? " !!! I was so proud of that but my parents didn´t like it very much. I was so repressed and caught in the act when I was a teen...the pressure eventually led me to join the Navy as a volunteer at the age of 17 - to be " a real man "...
Then I was involved in a freaking accident and I eventually got married to a girl I met while convalescing because I " had to " live like a man . She´s been understanding as far as my TG issues are concerned but crossdressing on one day of the weekend isn´t enough for me anymore, it never was...Our love life sucks and we haven´t got any kids.
I fell into depression and I even stopped eating once...I went to talk to a lady psychologist and she told me I should interact with the TG/CD community but that never happened, I never had support and understanding enough from the significant other.
Now I ended up wishing to be alone all the time and I feel infinitely sad, crying over the wasted years...and nothing interests me much in this half-world I have to live in...
There´s a couple of things I´m sure of though - I know that I´m beautiful and I can show it but I know that my dreams are dyeing ; I´m sure I want to give and take love as a woman would ; and I know that I wouldn´t want to break anyone heart...mine will be destroyed before that.
I expect nothing from this post. Thank you for your time.