I think I posted here somewhere how my mother was accepting of me being trans, but not accepting of me homeschooling my kids. 

Well, now that I'm actually transitioning, she's upset with me.  It started a few weeks back when she asked if I were on hormones and I said yes.  I've been on T since 7/26.  She read me the 'I'm concerned' riot act.  Esp. since she really thought I wouldn't transition.  That I could be happy just  knowing what was wrong.  Being trans is fine if you don't DO anything about it.  Okay, Mom.  Whatever.

So then I tell her I'm having a hysto.  She freaked out!!  OMG that's so drastic!!  So I explain in detail the TMI details of fibroids and why I'm having it done.  That it doesn't have anything to do with transitioning, that my doc told me to have it done 3 years ago, and finally I have insurance and the problem is worse.  She's mollified but not by much.  After surgery, I called her to let her know I was fine.  She kept asking, really?  Really fine?  She wasn't concerned about the physical part; she thought I'd be a basket case because my repro organs were permanently gone.  I told her no, I didn't miss them, and in fact when I woke up and realized they were gone, it was a huge sense of all is now right with the world because they're gone.  She didn't believe me.  Even when I told her that my former SIL and a friend both had hystos and both practically threw parties, they were happy to be rid of the parts and Auntie Flo forever, she didn't believe me.  Apparently my mother has some great attachment to her uterus even though she's post-menopausal.  And can't believe that not all women are.  Maybe I'd have regrets if I didn't have kids already.  But seriously, trans or no trans, I'm too old to have kids and why put up with the monthly (or multi-times monthly!! in my case!!) nonsense??

Last part of our convo she tells me that she told my Aunt about me.  And my Aunt said, oh, okay.  And apparently that pissed off my mother.  You know, she said, that it's not going to be okay with everyone.  Someday someone's NOT going to be fine with this.  Apparently since so far coming out has been a non-issue, she wanted to tell me that eventually someone would flip and disown me.  It was odd, it wasn't from the standpoint of trying to be helpful, or you may want to know that some people have issues with trans, but more that she was mad that someone already hadn't made a big deal out of it, my Dad included.  She had been talking to my dad, hoping HE would be the one, but nope, he doesn't understand it but loves me anyway.  GO DAD!!

Sorry for the incoherent rambling.  Blame it on the Percocet. 

Bottom line out of all this: My mother really does NOT want to go with me to top surgery even though she said she would (no surprise there; she has a long history of that long before transitioning was an issue).  So now I get to find someone to go.  I even took care of all of her excuses - time off work, boarding her diabetic cat, the whole 9 yards.  But bottom line is my mother will help ANYONE else out, and score brownie points.  But she won't have time or won't help out her own kids/family.  I guess there are no brownie points to be earned there.  It's all about what others think about her.

Oh, well.

Jay

Her reaction to the hysto is a bit odd. I mean you already have kids, so why would you need it anymore?
And cisfemales have it done all the time. Almost sounds like she sees this whole thing as some kind of threat to womanhood in general or some such.

PS my cat is diabetic too. guess it's not as rare as I thought.

Hmm, Jay, is your mother and mine related by any chance?

Gosh, I can sympathize with you, my mother is a pain too. When she found it, she didn't others already knew, and she thinks that when I tell others, they will want to let her know. lol, what a joke. I think she also believes I will be rejected by someone eventually, and the fact that Dad is also helping me through it really ticks her off too. Shes says my career could be in jeopardy too, and I think she also believes my life is screwed should I transition.

Mothers sure are difficult. 

My mom finds hysto horrifying. But I've learned that I have to do it for health reasons. I kind of prayed that I'd have some sort of illness to use as an excuse or something. But really, I have to be upfront with her. She can hate me for it, but I'm going to be me...

I guess my mother did some research or talked to someone, because when she called me today, she asked me what kind of tumors I had in my uterus?  (Fibroids) and asked again what signs & symptoms they caused, which I told her.  (TMI for this list - blech!) Anyway, she finally understood, and said, really, you had fibroids?  You didn't go through all this just to stop your periods?  And I said no, I didn't.  I also told her most transguys still have their uteruses (uteri??) because testosterone stops periods. OH.  Then she got it.  Periods stop on T, no need for hysterectomy...

So maybe I'm off the hook now for having my 'womanhood' removed, since (duh!) I had a valid medical reason not trans related.  Of course, though, my doctor, being thorough as he is, did tell me every which way til Sunday how he could save my parts if I wanted him to.  But of course, I said no thanks!!  Out with them!!

Jay

Make your mom a man, and OMG we're talking about the same person! It's my dad!
He doesn't understand and doesn't really try. I feel like what you're going through with your mom will be him a few years from now.

Congrats on all your transition processes though bro you're almost there! almost at the finish line!

Jay, where are you having top surgery?

Jay,

Where your mom is wrong is that a lot of bio women have a hysto to get rid of their periods.  Most because of the terrible pain they suffer thru.  If fact a local surgery has a TV ad running with a woman claiming it is a miracle.

Janet

Hey, Jay!  Sorry your mom's being such a pain.  Congrats on the Hysto.  Have you figured out alternate plans for your chest surgery?

I'm having top surgery with Brownstein.  My mother hasn't flat out said NO, but if you heard her list of excuses she might as well have.  I'm still planning on going even if I have to hire a nurse or something. 

Quote from: Janet Lynn on August 31, 2008, 02:32:16 AM
Where your mom is wrong is that a lot of bio women have a hysto to get rid of their periods.  Most because of the terrible pain they suffer thru.  If fact a local surgery has a TV ad running with a woman claiming it is a miracle.

Exactly.  I don't know why my mother is so attached to her uterus.  In addition to the fibroids I also had a problem with my cervix that was directly related to having 2 kids.  My mother had 4 c-sections so had no cervix issues.

See, if I had just had the hysto 3 years ago we wouldn't be having this convo!  Although, if I'd had the hysto 3 years ago I'd still have my lone ovary...so it's better that I had it now and it is ALL gone.

Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on August 31, 2008, 05:56:30 AM
I'm having top surgery with Brownstein.  My mother hasn't flat out said NO, but if you heard her list of excuses she might as well have.  I'm still planning on going even if I have to hire a nurse or something. 

I live in SF.  I had surgery with Brownstein a little while back- great guy.  If you're stuck for someone to hand you the remote, I'm around.

My mother has been horrified from the start. That's why I waited til a month before surgery to tell anyone in the family. First, she said she never wanted to see me again. Then she was certain that "someone on the internet" or my friends ("Why do you have to go out with them so much?") had talked me into it. I tried to make her see that no one could talk a cisgendered person into this. It's all about not waking up wanting to die every morning. But, years later, she still doesn't get it. She keeps waiting for her son to magicaly reappear. What she doesn't understand is that she never had a son. And it breaks my heart that she won't love her daughter.

She also claims to be worried about me being hurt by the reactions of relatives. I tell her, I've been through it all and I have no family except the ones who are my heart's chosen family, some of them here at Susan's. I say, they accept me and value me. her answer is that "they don't love you like your family does." Well if rejection, expulsion, disrespect and religious lectures are what love is, I guess it is me who is confused.

lol@ Auntie Flo. I'd never heard that before. Maybe cos I don't have an Auntie Flo! 

Stealth