I got flamed hardcore in another community today, and it made me FURIOUS.

You see, unlike other boys, I don't want surgery on my "top". I don't mind having a vulva. I love it and wouldn't trade it for the world.

What I want is a male pelvis. I'm a twink and I like skinny shirts but I hate baggy pants. My tiny chest and waist are great! I just don't like how huge the outswing is below them.

I mentioned noticing that a lot of genderqueers (and indeed some transmen) I've known have been very heavy and wear big shirts and baggy pants, and that I wonder whether it's a Presenting tactic, then talked about wishing for a surgery to make my pelvis smaller.

This person has made no less than thirty harassing comments, calling me a fatphobe and telling myself and another community member like me that we should "chop each other in half" so we wouldn't have to worry about hips anymore.

I stopped responding to this person but they kept vomiting themselves into my inbox. Is this normal? How do I even deal with this? What's the etiquette? Am I being bullied by another transperson?

Lane

Well, why is he calling you a fatphobe? Are you making fun of his weight?

Here we are a family and like any family we may get into fights, but not on the boards.  Est strictly verboten.  We may not always agree with one another, but we respect one another.

Our Mother, Susan, is strict, but fair.  And like any good Mom, she does check on her children from time to time.   If you are be a bad child, you're sent to your room, i.e. Banned from the forums.

PM's can be used for fighting, but we try to keep it out of the forum.

As far as I know there is no surgery to make your hips smaller.  If there was I would make mine wider.

If you feel that you are being bullied by another, you can always put them on ignore.  Look in your profile settings, you'll see where it is.

You can always post in the 'Just For Us' Section.  It is not seen by unregistered members.

How you handle your transition is for you to decided, no one else.  We will give tips, advise, and sometimes even challenge you.  But we don't tell you how to be you, only you can do that.

I think you will like it here.  I do.

Janet

Posted on: August 31, 2008, 03:29:10 AM

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Quote from: Nero on August 31, 2008, 03:17:11 AM
Well, why is he calling you a fatphobe? Are you making fun of his weight?

No! I think he took offense to my wondering whether heavy genderqueers and transmen who wear baggy clothes are doing it as a Presenting thing. A) there's a specific pattern observed and b) i'm trying to figure out what other people do about the hips thing.

Posted on: August 31, 2008, 03:32:00 AM

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Janet,

I've enough that you AND Xen can share them if you can just figure out how to take them from me. I'll go quietly.

Lane


ps--sorry for weird multipost thing, still learning 

Some people are very sensitive about what they perceive as their "faults".

And yes, wearing baggy clothes, and even putting on weight, is often a passing mechanism (though not always a conscious one.)  Baggy pants, slung low, and a button-up shirt left open will hide a world of sin in your hips and behind.  And being overweight can give one a less gender-specific profile.  A lot of transgendered people also put on weight because they are using food to self-medicate.  (I think, for me, it was a combination of the two; Although, I wasn't fully aware of my own motivations until fairly recently.)

Unfortunately, I don't think there are any hip-reducing surgeries.  I may be wrong, but I think because of the weight and stress that one's hips have to take, they probably can't shave the bones down, as they can for the jaw, for example.

Quote from: iFindMeHere on August 31, 2008, 03:33:10 AM


Posted on: August 31, 2008, 03:29:10 AM

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Quote from: Nero on August 31, 2008, 03:17:11 AM
Well, why is he calling you a fatphobe? Are you making fun of his weight?

No! I think he took offense to my wondering whether heavy genderqueers and transmen who wear baggy clothes are doing it as a Presenting thing. A) there's a specific pattern observed and b) i'm trying to figure out what other people do about the hips thing.

Posted on: August 31, 2008, 03:32:00 AM

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Janet,

I've enough that you AND Xen can share them if you can just figure out how to take them from me. I'll go quietly.

Lane


ps--sorry for weird multipost thing, still learning 

Oh ok. Well some guys may purposely gain weight to hide their figures maybe.

As for the hips thing, if it's mostly fat, T should take care of that problem. If you just have wide hip bones, not so much. I'd just make sure to not wear shirts or jackets that cut off at the hips. Or try to wear lighter colors on top and darker colors on the bottom to balance it out.
You can also build up your arms and torso to make the hips smaller in comparison.

Quote from: Jamie-o on August 31, 2008, 03:47:20 AM
Some people are very sensitive about what they perceive as their "faults".

And yes, wearing baggy clothes, and even putting on weight, is often a passing mechanism (though not always a conscious one.)  Baggy pants, slung low, and a button-up shirt left open will hide a world of sin in your hips and behind.  And being overweight can give one a less gender-specific profile.  A lot of transgendered people also put on weight because they are using food to self-medicate.  (I think, for me, it was a combination of the two; Although, I wasn't fully aware of my own motivations until fairly recently.)

Unfortunately, I don't think there are any hip-reducing surgeries.  I may be wrong, but I think because of the weight and stress that one's hips have to take, they probably can't shave the bones down, as they can for the jaw, for example.

The combination thing is what i mostly expected. I really hope you're wrong--with my health, i can't support any extra weight, and there's no way my hips are anything but woman-hips. I don't know how I'm supposed to go through life like that... I've seen the compression suits and shorts, but I don't think they'd do anything for bone structure, would they?

Posted on: August 31, 2008, 04:54:57 AM

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Quote from: Nero on August 31, 2008, 03:52:12 AM

Quote from: iFindMeHere on August 31, 2008, 03:33:10 AM


Posted on: August 31, 2008, 03:29:10 AM

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Quote from: Nero on August 31, 2008, 03:17:11 AM
Well, why is he calling you a fatphobe? Are you making fun of his weight?

No! I think he took offense to my wondering whether heavy genderqueers and transmen who wear baggy clothes are doing it as a Presenting thing. A) there's a specific pattern observed and b) i'm trying to figure out what other people do about the hips thing.

Posted on: August 31, 2008, 03:32:00 AM

---

Janet,

I've enough that you AND Xen can share them if you can just figure out how to take them from me. I'll go quietly.

Lane


ps--sorry for weird multipost thing, still learning 

Oh ok. Well some guys may purposely gain weight to hide their figures maybe.

As for the hips thing, if it's mostly fat, T should take care of that problem. If you just have wide hip bones, not so much. I'd just make sure to not wear shirts or jackets that cut off at the hips. Or try to wear lighter colors on top and darker colors on the bottom to balance it out.
You can also build up your arms and torso to make the hips smaller in comparison.

no, there's a little fat and loose skin (from having been a 3X, ironically enough) and a lot of bone (When I was a size 10 before I became a 3x, think jessica rabbit's bottom half). I would LOVE to lift weights... i just don't know if i can do enough without putting myself in bed (neuropathology woo).

By the way Nero--yay your sobriety! 2 weeks and counting, go you!

Thanks. 

Yeah it really sucks there's no way to change the pelvis. But if you develop a beer gut like mine, your hips will look tiny.

nooope. When I was a 3x, my belly got only marginally thiker. I just....spread... bonus was my tits didn't grow either so that was easier to hide. still. I had more moderate responses to the other post (wherein i said I'd be willing to be in a cast while my pelvis healed and i would deal with the pain if it meant i could have boyhips) suggested body dysphoria therapy.

The way I see it, I dn't have gender dysphoria, my hips got mixed up at the factory. I'll keep whats between them, thank you, but the frame around it's GOT to go.

And I'm scared of T cos i have anger issues already and i already grow hair on my chin and stuff... i don't wanna shave!!! but i'm not an androgyne, i'm a boy.

i'm messed up.

Lane

Hmm is there such a surgery?

Nero,

They reconstruct your pelvis if you get hit by a car and it breaks.

They break noses to reshape them.

I can't imagine it would be impossible.

I don't wear big baggy clothes. I wear clothes that "fit." Not too tight, not too loose. Wearing clothes that are too tight show my feminine clothes, wearing clothes that are too loose make me look even shorter/younger.

I find that in a lot of transgender forums people get nitpicky and try to determine who is "more trans." Fortunately, Susan's is NOT like that, and that is why I'm still here. I abandon places that don't treat me well because I'm not "man enough" for them.

Posted on: August 31, 2008, 01:04:03 PM

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And no, the female pelvis cannot be reconstructed to be like a male pelvis. Not without severe consequences. You may become immobile and unable to walk. Hip replacements are not intended to be cosmetic.

referring to specific subset that has stockier builds i.e. larger hips. You've said before you're built slim. Imagine jessica rabbit's bottom half on a guy's body. no matter what you do it clocks the genes.

I'm not ok with there being no option.

I am slim. And I know it sucks to be a guy with hips. But a lot of those hips is fat that will melt away after testosterone has started. The hip bone is mostly wider on the inner portion. No doubt the female pelvis is wider but when you're on testosterone it will really only be noticeable if you're as thin as a toothpick.

I keep hearing that. "Take T, take T."

So what is it actually LIKE?


also, i ment to say that you guys talking me through this is a gift i can't even SAY how much it's worth.

Take testosterone... only if it's right for you.

Well... there are different ways you can take it. There common methods I know of are the pill, the gel, and the injection. The pill is unsafe and I would not recommend it. The gel, some say, is less effective. The injection is the safest and most effective method. It's administered through self injection. Most guys stick it either in their thigh or backside. It's a muscle injection, so one should make sure they have not hit a blood vessel.

T is different for everyone. It's first effects usually target the mood; the person's mood and personality will change due to the hormone. Then the hormone will start showing physical changes. There is an increase in the size of the clitoris, hair growth on the body, the voice deepens, the body "hardens" rather than "softens" (fat melts away), muscle is easier to build onto the body, and there are a few other changes as well. Obviously eventually guys on T can grow beards.

i understad the physical changes... would LOVE the voice change. but  personality? what d you mean?

I just read your post, and am really surprised and disturbed that you'd encounter such a negative situation! Most everyone here at Susan's are supportive and understand that we're a diverse group and respect that religiously.

Sorry that you had such a bad experience, but it really is the exception rather than the rule here. Sorry that it happened!

Quote from: April221 on August 31, 2008, 04:56:15 PM
I just read your post, and am really surprised and disturbed that you'd encounter such a negative situation! Most everyone here at Susan's are supportive and understand that we're a diverse group and respect that religiously.

Sorry that you had such a bad experience, but it really is the exception rather than the rule here. Sorry that it happened!

And that's why I'm here and not there. :hug_icon: everyone's been really welcoming.. I almost feel...comfortable (a compliment--i don't tend to FEEL comfortable. ever.)

Thank you so much. And Hi!
Lane

Personality changes are different for each person. Some people get more calm and others get more aggressive. It's really not something anyone can predict.