Ugh. I'm pretty worried. Maybe I should just wait until top surgery before I try to date people.  A girl or guy will got for my chest before they try to get into my pants for sure.

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 02:36:38 PM
Ugh. I'm pretty worried. Maybe I should just wait until top surgery before I try to date people.  A girl or guy will got for my chest before they try to get into my pants for sure.

I don't think someone would do that if they respected you, and if you told them you didn't want to be touched there.  Otherwise they're not worthy of your time sweetie.

Jenn

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 24, 2008, 02:40:53 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 02:36:38 PMUgh. I'm pretty worried. Maybe I should just wait until top surgery before I try to date people.  A girl or guy will got for my chest before they try to get into my pants for sure.

I don't think someone would do that if they respected you, and if you told them you didn't want to be touched there.  Otherwise they're not worthy of your time sweetie.

Jenn

I guess. But if I didn't have tits, I wouldn't mind! D:<

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 02:50:21 PM
I guess. But if I didn't have tits, I wouldn't mind! D:<

*take them away and gives you muscular pecks* There you go sweetie! 

Jenn

Quote from: Keira on August 24, 2008, 05:20:17 AM

The problem with telling slowly is that most men and women I know in this
province do a LOT of physical contact by the third date... So... That's not
a lot of time to take it slow.

The whole thing just sucks.

Ain't that the truth. I can't recall being on a first date where I didn't at least feel the guy up (up not down  ).

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 24, 2008, 03:08:50 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 02:50:21 PMI guess. But if I didn't have tits, I wouldn't mind! D:<

*take them away and gives you muscular pecks* There you go sweetie! 

Jenn

Lol.

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 02:36:38 PM
Ugh. I'm pretty worried. Maybe I should just wait until top surgery before I try to date people.  A girl or guy will got for my chest before they try to get into my pants for sure.

I feel ya there Dan (no pun intended). I don't think I could've dated before top surgery. People always want to grab there, whether you're male or female and it drove me nuts pre-transition, although I didn't know why. You'd probably have to do a lot of talking and have a really understanding partner, but it could be done I guess. I'm just not a talky-feely kinda guy so it would've been too much for me to do.

At least most people will wait a respectful amount of time before attempting a crotch-grab and you can at that stage talk about it.

Dennis

Quote from: Dennis on August 25, 2008, 12:03:06 AM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 02:36:38 PMUgh. I'm pretty worried. Maybe I should just wait until top surgery before I try to date people.  A girl or guy will got for my chest before they try to get into my pants for sure.

I feel ya there Dan (no pun intended). I don't think I could've dated before top surgery. People always want to grab there, whether you're male or female and it drove me nuts pre-transition, although I didn't know why. You'd probably have to do a lot of talking and have a really understanding partner, but it could be done I guess. I'm just not a talky-feely kinda guy so it would've been too much for me to do.

At least most people will wait a respectful amount of time before attempting a crotch-grab and you can at that stage talk about it.

Dennis

Yeah... I personally, if I had the right body, would go into physical stuff pretty quickly. I have a strong desire to hug and hold people, but I feel like I can't.

Yeah, I don't really think I can start dating until well into HRT and more likely after SRS.  As for the telling part, there's always that risk that they won't take it well and will be like "You had me fooled." Then it's just a heartbreaker.  But when you have the right stuff to back up that you really are what you say you are and not what you were it's probably a lot easier to handle.

I can say for the girls out there: I do not mind pre-transitioned transgirls. At all. I've met a few, and no matter how "boy" they looked, I could NEVER see them as boys. One girl still had short hair so she could pass as a boy at school. But when I met her, she was in a dress. Even though she had big arms and was much taller than me, I didn't care. I saw beauty in her. For some reason, I just don't know what it is, whether or not a transgirl passes seems very irrelevant in my mind. I have met one who passed very well... she looked like a 15 year old girl. I was just like, "She a she? She's got to be." In the beginning when I first met trans people in person, I was very curious what they identified as. One transgirl I know looks totally guy-ish. Short hair, wears boys clothes. I called her a "he" once and felt really stupid. Then again, I wasn't sure because she is in the beginning of things still figuring things out... Now that I know, I can just totally not see her as a guy no matter how much she looks that way. I think she hasn't femmed up because her parents might not know...

It never crosses my mind that a transgendered person has me fooled. If they completely pass, I just think to myself, "Wow, they're totally themselves from the inside out. That's amazing."

People I'm interested in already know about me. I don't like not having what I am out in the open, and its mostly for my sake. I also don't like the idea of, "Winning people over," like they are some toy or something. The person I want will like me, and thats it. I want someone I'm already a great friend with, and one I'm close to. My handicap from being TG is something I tell them because I trust them, and the trust there is what makes me really love them if they accept me. Its almost a test to an extent. I'm not gonna get the terrible moment of finally making out and being found out, and then them not understanding and not only would it be bad for them from me, but also TO ME.
I'm really protecting myself as well to an extent.

That does make a lot of sense.  I still wear a lot of boy clothes because they're what I happen to have and I'm not going to invest the money in girl clothes that fit me now but might not later on.  I guess when the time comes, I'll have to tell because i want them to find out on my terms and not from someone else.

Soldierjane,
I agree with you. Have we all not dated someone once or twice, and then something happened that really gave us an idea of who that person was? And then we were saying "Wow, I 'm glad nothing more happened with that person."
The point is you do not have to have the physical part of the relationship up front.
Even as a guy, sex on the third date is kinda pushing it, and yes I had had many one-nighters, but never with anyone that was going to last.
The reason my past GF and I hit it off so well was because she gave me time to understand who she was inside, before the truth was revealed.
And I am glad, because I otherwise would have been focused only on the TS thing.

I was told after a couple dates that he (who should be a she, I'm not fully aware of proper terms yet, sorrrrry!!!) is. I have no problem with it.

Quote from: Nero on August 24, 2008, 03:42:16 PM

Quote from: Keira on August 24, 2008, 05:20:17 AM

The problem with telling slowly is that most men and women I know in this
province do a LOT of physical contact by the third date... So... That's not
a lot of time to take it slow.

The whole thing just sucks.

Ain't that the truth. I can't recall being on a first date where I didn't at least feel the guy up (up not down  ).

I get pretty physical with most guys I find half attractive even on a first date, or should I say the guys get really physical with me ! (very intimate touching / caressing, beyond just serious kissing) ...

I've met a new guy with who I'm about ready to have sex after just three dates (unlike "shy" John who I've been out with a dozen times and the issue has never arisen, and I wonder if it ever will ... yes I'm running two boyfriends right now !).

But I wouldn't want to have sex without the guy knowing of my past if I thought he was a relationship prospect. 

Seems like a matter of basic honesty, as I'm not "stealth" if he ends up meeting family or old friends.

Am I wrong ?  Would going the "whole way" hook him even further on me ? Or would it maybe even be inviting a possible violent reaction if he took it badly ... he's a strong guy ... more so than if it had just been kissing and foreplay ... 

Its soo difficult.  Wish I knew the answers.

Laura x

If you kiss someone on a first date and its fun, that he turns out
not to be mister right on the third, so what!! He could also
turn out not to be mister right on the third, fifth, seventh, or hundred date.

If I kiss a guy, do I have to tell him? There's little chance I won't kiss
a guy I really liked at the end of the first date or at most second date.
Does it mean I've got to tell on the first or second date?

Am I bad because I don't declare all on the first date, should I come
with a warning?

Girls,
I have an interesting story that will fit here.  I have met a guy on line.  Thru MySpace.  My MySpace says that I am pre-op MtF, but I dont think that he realizes what that means.  I dont wish to scare him off but shouldn't I clear the air?

Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 01, 2008, 07:46:45 PM
Girls,
I have an interesting story that will fit here.  I have met a guy on line.  Thru MySpace.  My MySpace says that I am pre-op MtF, but I dont think that he realizes what that means.  I dont wish to scare him off but shouldn't I clear the air?

Janet

OMFG can I add you on MySpace? 

This question been puzzling me too.  Lately, I've been telling people from the start but doesn't seem to work.  I've meet other transgender m->f who say they want a real guy.  I've met gay men who want a real guy.   I've even met women but they want a real man also!! And since I still have, well you know what, it seems like finding a straight man would be even harder.   So I just don't know what to do?  I don't care what gender the other person is if we connect.  Am I the only one?! hehe I do understand you can only be into what your into.  I'll just have to keep searching.   

It's all such a mess! It really shouldn't matter about what you were (physically), only what you ARE as a person, but it doesn't work that way for straight people or even a lot of Gays and Lesbians.

I just wish I could meet a nice trans-guy - then it wouldn't be an issue - just settle down and grow old together.