Man, I don't know.
You're right, though. Do I think being a woman is degradation? No. I think that's a pretty misogynistic view. But it is hard to be manly and be a man when you're so full of woman. You know it, I know it.
No bio man do I know would be able to handle this. Well, my dad, maybe. He's a very smart guy. High genius IQ and all that. He'd either go crazy or find a way. I mean, I guess we don't give the bio guys enough credit; we have a beef with them. They got something we don't, and then they go and bitch about it. "I wish my penis was bigger," says he. He's got a 4 incher and a fair girth. I want to slap the dick right off of him. "You think 4 inches isn't enough? Try having none, and a hole instead. Then tell me it's too small."
And you're right. No man would like this. We know that ourselves. Men born as women. It's like a horrible nightmare. It'd make a good thriller movie flick. But it's just fracked up that it happens to real people. Fracked up beyond belief.
I don't feel like I gotta be a Superman. But boy, am I hard on this poor female body. It isn't made to do the things I try to make it do. I feel sorry for it, as if my body weren't a part of myself. Before I decided to transition, I told my body, "I can't do this to you. You're wrong, but you've never
wronged me. What, body, did you do to deserve this treatment from me?" That's one reason I haven't been a cutter. I just can't punish my body for being the way it is. But I decided mutually, with my body, of course, that it would be best if I made these changes, for the both of us. Then hopefully we can be whole again, like normal, civilized people.
Posted on: September 01, 2008, 07:58:57 PM
Quote from: Phate on September 01, 2008, 08:43:09 PMWhat, in fact, is /their/ concept of 'manhood' is what I am wondering. To all you FtM's, what makes a man? What makes YOU a man? I'm not trying to challenge any of you, I just want to fulfill a curiosity.
I do have to agree with Nero, if you are an FtM, other men and women are going to put you under the microscope all-the-time. The opposite is true for MtFs but I find that there is a gradually increasing positive attitude and acceptance for MtFs, moreso than FtMs.
Both manhood and womanhood are sacred to me. It's one reason I hesitated transition. "Women are a symbol of baring life... they're loving and nurturing people... and I want to go over there and be a dog of a man?" I felt like I was going from tranquil beauty to unforgivable slime. "Men are wolves, men are wolves."
A man to me... well, it's a pretty fundamental definition. Man is a male-identified person. Male is the biological, the body. I will never be 100% male. I can get sort of close, but... I'll still always have parts of me that are female. Post transition, I'll be intersexed in look and feel (when it comes to the genitals, at least). I'm not too happy about that, but... well, it's better than nothing.
I hate how a lot of FtMs think a man is "manly." Buff, strong, mean, sweaty, dirty, hairy, nipples so hot they burn a hole in your shirt, a dick so large you can trip a whole Congo line with it. All of this stuff doesn't make a man. Minus the dick and you've got a "tough person." A woman can be all of those things, too. That is not enough to be a man. If she is female-identified, she is a buff, strong, mean, sweaty, dirty, hairy woman with nipples so hot they burn a hole in her shirt.
I hate the stereotypes. That's why the guys I want to be like/look like are not wrestlers, big buff men or anything like that.
Michael Dillon, the first transmale, is quite satisfactory. He ain't no coal miner.
But I'd also really love a body like Jamie Bamber's. You can tell he works pretty hard in the gym.
But most of all, I want to be an average guy. Somewhat tall, definitely not short. I'd like to be average sized, average build, average look, average everything. If I want muscle, I'll work for some. But I don't want to be some ripped gym machine. It's not gonna happen. And as far as having a dick goes, I'd give to have a normal dick. Even a small one. But something. I'm not going to be picky about "it has to be 6 inches." Frack that! It's a stupid thing to whine about, in my opinion.
Posted on: September 01, 2008, 08:06:42 PM
Quote from: Nicky on September 01, 2008, 08:28:35 PMMasculinity seems to me as something that compels you to meet a certain standard just to measure up. Percieved failings in some areas seems to force you to overcompensate in others to try to get in through special dispensation.
That's totally how I feel. Like I have to puff out my chest to make up for being short. If I was female, a guy would find it sexy that I'm 5'3".
