So I finally made an appointment with Counseling Services. As of Wednesday morning at 9:15, I'll be on the actual path toward testosterone. Even if they can't help me out, maybe they can refer me to some other counselor, or an endo who uses informed consent.

It was pretty funny...I loitered out in the hall for an uncomfortably long time, doing the whole, "I'll count to ten and then I'll go in" thing, and the "take deep breaths" thing, and none of it was really helping. Then, I heard a woman say, "Could you get that door for me?" I looked up, and she was standing there with her arms full of cardboard boxes, and so I said, "Sure!" and opened the door to Counseling Services for her. She walked in, and then I peered in myself, and strolled in after her. I should really thank her...she helped me more than she knows. She works there, though. How cool would it be if she ended up being my counselor?

Both of the receptionists smiled at me, which immediately put me at ease. When the one I went to asked me for my name, I managed to say, "Like...my legal name or just...a...name?" She said, "The name you're registered here under." but then was all apologetic after I told her, and was like, "I just had to look you up in the system, so I needed...yeah."

So we got the appointment all set up, and I feel really accomplished. There's no way I'm wimping out this time, and I promise to let you guys know how it goes.  Now to just...ponder what I'm going to do.  Should I be up-front, and let her know I'm looking for a T letter?  I mean...even if she says no one there can write one for me, that won't keep me from continuing to go.  I figure it'd only be slightly rude if I asked about it, she said she couldn't help, and then I just, like...got up and walked out. Hah..

What do you guys think about the direct approach?

Congrats on taking that big step. As for stating what you want up front, I see nothing wrong with that. It lets people know where they stand.

Dennis

Congrats 

Yep, you've got the appointment now.  Gotta go

As for what you should say... eh i was unsure when i first started therapy if i wanted T or not so i told her the first day that i needed help sorting those things out.  But since you know what you want... be direct.

Good for you!

If I told my therapist I wanted a T letter I would have gotten it much sooner than I did.  I wasn't just there for that, though, and I did let her know that up front.  At the time I started seeing this gender therapist I really, truly wanted an expert opinion that I was in fact trans and wasn't going to go through the agony (coming out and exposing my private self to the world) if I really WASN'T trans and my feelings were something else.

But it was clear after 5 minutes of talking to me that I needed to transition, and now that it's started I can not imagine ever going back to living as female.

Good luck!

Jay

Way to go, bro.

When someone asks for my name, I say my last name before anything else.

Quote from: Elwood on September 15, 2008, 09:27:51 PM
When someone asks for my name, I say my last name before anything else.

Me too man If anything, my last name will never change no matter what, so that's all they need from me.

I'm probably the only one with my last name in my school anyway.

Posted on: September 15, 2008, 10:39:04 PM

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I can understand the confusion though, GR.

I have had to alternate between legal first and middle name all my life, and have been confused as to which to put down on paper since I was old enough to write my name. It's part of the reason I might skip the middle name thing when I do my legal name change. I hated that hesitation of "which name do I put, the one I go by? technically it's my name...."

Now when people ask my name, unless they're a professor or classmate I just say fugg it, I'm Nate, bro.

congrats gravitysrainbow 

Thanks for the encouragement, everybody! I'm definitely going to just say first off that I've been living about half-time as a guy for a couple years, these last few weeks of living almost full-time at college have felt so right, and I'm ready to get my letter and start T.

Quote from: Elwood on September 15, 2008, 09:27:51 PM
When someone asks for my name, I say my last name before anything else.

I tried that for awhile with my school, with variations on my first name (either Michael, or my initials), but it just didn't work.  With close to 25,000 students, there are too many students with my last name. But I absolutely agree...in any other situation, when I can't use my real name, I'll just say my last name and hope that's good enough. Actually did it on Friday to get my highschool yearbook.

Quote from: gravitysrainbow on September 15, 2008, 10:08:45 PMWith close to 25,000 students, there are too many students with my last name. But I absolutely agree...in any other situation, when I can't use my real name, I'll just say my last name and hope that's good enough. Actually did it on Friday to get my highschool yearbook.

That sucks. My last name isn't very common.

GRATS GRAVITY!

PS Sorry my messenger got retarded the other day. Try again?

Wow, congrats, I promise you you'll never regret taking that first step...

And I think you should explain the situation and your feelings about your identity, your body etc...to your counsellor a little first and THEN mention that you would like if possible a referral for an appointment with an endocrinologist.

Way to go.

My appointment went pretty well...one of the forms I filled out said something about them not providing any documentation that's to be used in a legal capacity, and that got me a bit worried about the T letter. I mean...it's not a legal matter, but I wondered if the underlying reasons for refusing to provide it would be the same.

As soon as I started talking to the counselor, it became clear that it wasn't a possibility. I actually never even asked. Basically, she was really nice and accepting, and said she couldn't comprehend how much I've had to go through, and how hard this has been for me. I'll keep going to her for a few sessions to work on anxiety issues (stemming mostly from worrying about passing, and worrying about people outing me to people), but we both think that my anxiety isn't severe enough to warrant long-term counseling for it. So mostly, on my next few visits, we'll be looking for affordable gender therapists in the area, finding out if being transgender could be covered under Disabled Student Services (meaning I might be able to get transportation to any gender therapists we find, as I don't have a car), and figuring out what to do about this godforsaken bathroom stuation of mine. She accepted unblinkingly that I use the guys' bathroom, and started trying to think of a solution for me.

So I'm not quite to the T path yet, but I do have someone in a counseling capacity who's supportive, and believes that I'm basically sane. I suppose that counts for something, especially since it could get me to a gender therapist (which my parents might be willing to help pay for, if they didn't know my goal was a T letter). So, umm...yay.

Quote from: Elwood on September 15, 2008, 10:12:05 PM

Quote from: gravitysrainbow on September 15, 2008, 10:08:45 PMWith close to 25,000 students, there are too many students with my last name. But I absolutely agree...in any other situation, when I can't use my real name, I'll just say my last name and hope that's good enough. Actually did it on Friday to get my highschool yearbook.

That sucks. My last name isn't very common.

Mine isn't either.

You're headed in the right direction GR Good Luck man!

Good job! You've taken that horrible scary first step!! It will get easier, believe me.