I posted this in the coming out forum but I want to post it here too for more suggestions on what I need to do if I am soon homeless.

Ok so unfortunately my life is pretty much over. I came out to my father after coming out to everyone else in my family and I saved telling him for last because its his reaction that pretty much determines my fate. Well things havent gone as planned and he wishes I was never born. He completely hates me, wants to beat me up but said he wont if I fully become / act a man, and I have one week to prove to him how sorry I am for my shameful act of ever even considering me being a woman. He is scaring me and I cant go to sleep at night because I'm afraid he will hurt me, and some things have happened I dont want to say on this board but I am traumatized and scared and I dont know what to do. Im only 18, I just started college, I have no money, and I am so depressed. I was going to start hormones after telling my father but now the opposite is happening. He had one of his doctor friends come over, let me talk to him privately, and then the doctor of his wants to prescribe me testosterone to make me a man. Yes I know, these people know absolutely nothing about GID, TS, TG, or pretty much life in general. Oh and I forgot to add I am middle eastern and that is why this is such a BIG deal in my family. You know the very strict and disciplined men you see on tv in iraq? Yes, that is whymy father is taking this so hard and issues like this over there end in death immediately for the person. That is why he is making is such a big deal and everything is in chaos because he says I will shame the family name to our relatives, and in our culture, to shame the family name means it was better if you were never born.

You wanna know the funny thing? I kind of have proof too of why I might be TG well I guess then that makes me intersex. I had labwork done and a karyotype, and it shows I naturally have a ton of estrogen, low testosterone, and not an XY karyotype. Of course when I told my dad this he said the doctors are liars, say what you pay them to say, and he will never ever trust what stupid doctors have to say. He said he will never believe me, wishes I was never born, that I have torn the family apart, and ruined everything. In my opinion, he is making this a much bigger issue than it needs to be.

Anyways, I am numb right now from everything. From the names he called me, the fear of being beaten severely, losing my mom, being homeless, and the fear of being force-fed testosterone. I am having panic attacks and anxiety + tears. I dont know what to do. I wish someone would just save me. I am so strong though that I know suicide will never be an option even though some in my position probably would have done it already. I am not going to let my selfish and bad father take me life away. But what do I do? He wants me to completely change to a man and honestly if I could act like one I would do it but I cant. I dont have the low voice, the manly walk, the want to socialize with men in front of my father, or the want to go to a gym and work out my arms and who knows what else.

I am unsure of what to do. I am just so drained emotionally and physically right now. I mean hey its like who cares I have been suffering in being in the wrong gender body all my life, thats not what HE cares about. He doesnt see the pain I am going through. But now on top of that, I have a thousand more issues. Im typing this out of desperation and a need for some helpful words or something. Honestly, what is a young girl to do when all the walls are closing in on her? I just want someone to pick me up and take me away, far far away.

It sounds that way yes. Sadly. But, if he is the one providing the roof over your head it's not that unreasonable for the his way or the highway mentality. That said, you are what you are an pretending otherwise is frankly not much use. I am very very sorry.

Option one:
Pretend.
Do whatever to "fit in" till you can get out an live on your own terms.

Option two:
C'est la vie.
Say goodbye sooner rather than later and if you are fearing for your safety, don't leave a calling card any time soon.
(As a side note I might be a touch harsh but I seem to still have forensic detectives in my head, an someone saying they wish you were never born says I don't want to be anywhere near said person.) My overly paranoid advice is to leave on good terms and do whatever you have to to get away. ... Um, yeah I am probably a bit overly paranoid at the moment but, I am sorry.

I wish you luck an eventual happiness whatever you end up doing.

Things are tough that you are dependant on your father right now. This is a time for survival, do what you need to do to survive, especially if you a fearing for your life. I agree with Kimberly's option 1 - pretend untill you get to a situation where you can live on your own terms. I know you struggle to act like a man but perhaps you can do just enough to pass, do enough to apease your father - lie if you have to, suggest it has been the stress of loseing your mother, whatever you need to do. It will be temporary. You know who you are, you won't be worse of for the delay. In time you can create a plan for freedom - gather the funds, organise a place to go.

I also suggest creating an escape plan. See if a relative of friend could take you in. Pack a bag with your most valuable possessions, stash some money whenever you can get some, work out if there are any organisations out there that might help you in the short term, get a part time job. I don't know enough about the middle east to be more specific than that.

You sound like a very strong person that is under a massive amount of preasure. The situation sounds very frightning to me and my instincts say you need to calm the situation down, try to stay safe. Failing that you might need to consider getting out of the situation which ever way you can.

I hope things work out for the best, and I really feel for you in this time of your life. Keep us updated.

I really don't know what to say to you, I agree with the escape plan though that Nicky suggested. That's exactly what I did when I was outed by accident to my mother. I found a relative that took me in, before she got her filthy hands on me, and I was out before she could harm me any further.

When she found out (I wasn't around at that point), she almost disowned me, and I came so dangerously close to being homeless it wasn't funny.

I thought though my mother was bad; I can only empathize with you, and hope you can make it to a safe place soon. I'm not very educated on the middle east and social standards/traditions/religion/etc., so I really don't know what to say, I'm so sorry.

Thank you so much for your kindhearted replies it really helps. I almost forgot that people could sympathize and be nice to me. I know what I am going to do. I am going to a place tomorrow where a miracle happened that caused the face of the Virgin Mary to appear on the side of a building wall. The place is now a shrine and there is a nun who comes and prays for people in need, and I have been told that miracles have literally happened there. Anyways, I know this can work because I know God exists and I have faith in Him and its really my best chance and my only chance. I will keep you all updated on how things turn out I just beg you all to pray for me, and of course I will pray for you all too because I know im not the only one in this horrible situation. God bless you all and good night.

Okay.

I know a lot about human nature, jasmine. And I can understand your situation because I have some background info about middle easterns.

Are you muslim?

I am.

According to the results, is your chromosomes off? What did the docs exactly say about the results?
You have to provide more info.

I also think your father is just an idiot from saying that the doctors will make this up. Doctors aren't paid ANYTHING to make some nonsense up. They can have their lisence suspended and criminal charges too.

According to the Islam (if your religious, if not, that's fine), You have a physical and biological problem because your chromosomes are abnormal.

Have you asked docs if you are intersexed? If you are then by all means in Islam you haven't committed any sin with your desires since it's is a BIRTH DEFECT.

Now, aside from the religion view, I think your father needs to understand what it means to be a father. Seems to me like all he cares is what OTHER think of him and how much respect he gets.

This is VERY common in middle eastern families and muslim families. It's biased, but that's the majority of how they think, so sorry If I'm stereotyping.

According the info you gave he wants "respect", be treated like a king, looked upon by others as "perfect" and somebody that's superior in society.

I'm telling you this from me heart... Your father just seems to care more about himself than about YOU. You have a medical problem and he feels shameful from it. All he cares is about what others will think of him NOT you.

These type of people aren't worth trying to change. They are filled with prejudiced, stupid- yes they are stupid! Say with me "stupid"...say it again "stupid"... They care so much about what others think of them.
What your dad is doing is a sin in islam (if your muslim). You have something medical, and he's making it a big deal. God isn't very happy with him. No he isn't happy with him because intersex people in islam (if your muslim) are allowed to have sex changes to assign the correct gender. 


My advice: Keep it cool. I know human nature well, like I said. Trying to change people's beliefs is VERY difficult. In fact, it's flat out impossible. Go to your father and just make up something about you feeling like the devil is possessing you. Say that you are extremely sorry and that once you begin praying you instantly felt the feelings were gone. Tell him that you weren't in your senses and you feel very shameful for what you did.

Reason why I'm saying to do this is because you need a home right now, And you don't want to be kicked out. So just make up that your fine and you feel ashamed. I'm trying to help you and avoid you from being kicked out. You have no money? Get a job and SAVE. Make sure you keep good relations with your father for now and get a education.

Also your dad seems to me to be the typical ->-bleeped-<-ing Arab douche bag that should be ->-bleeped-<-ing shot in Iraq and then thrown in ->-bleeped-<-ing prison with Saddam Hussain. He can brag all he wants to Saddam about how respectful his position is in his own little imaginary world.

Sorry with the language but I don't how any parent can talk to their kid like that when they have something MEDICALLY wrong with them!!!!  He's selfish...period! 



Posted on: September 17, 2008, 09:16:28 PM

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Quote from: Nicky on September 15, 2008, 08:55:32 PM

stash some money

LOL...I'm also up with a escape plan. I have a TON of money right now but I need some more.

Posted on: September 17, 2008, 09:24:38 PM

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Quote from: Princess_Jasmine on September 15, 2008, 10:07:02 PM
I will keep you all updated on how things turn out I just beg you all to pray for me,

If you aren't muslim, your prayers are still with me. 

You have a birth defect, God will be there for you! You are not a bad person, you did nothing wrong.

I want to see a miracle. It will make me happy for you.

Quote from: Princess_Jasmine on September 15, 2008, 08:01:14 PM
I posted this in the coming out forum but I want to post it here too for more suggestions on what I need to do if I am soon homeless.

Ok so unfortunately my life is pretty much over. I came out to my father after coming out to everyone else in my family and I saved telling him for last because its his reaction that pretty much determines my fate. Well things havent gone as planned and he wishes I was never born. He completely hates me, wants to beat me up but said he wont if I fully become / act a man, and I have one week to prove to him how sorry I am for my shameful act of ever even considering me being a woman. He is scaring me and I cant go to sleep at night because I'm afraid he will hurt me, and some things have happened I dont want to say on this board but I am traumatized and scared and I dont know what to do. Im only 18, I just started college, I have no money, and I am so depressed. I was going to start hormones after telling my father but now the opposite is happening. He had one of his doctor friends come over, let me talk to him privately, and then the doctor of his wants to prescribe me testosterone to make me a man. Yes I know, these people know absolutely nothing about GID, TS, TG, or pretty much life in general. Oh and I forgot to add I am middle eastern and that is why this is such a BIG deal in my family. You know the very strict and disciplined men you see on tv in iraq? Yes, that is whymy father is taking this so hard and issues like this over there end in death immediately for the person. That is why he is making is such a big deal and everything is in chaos because he says I will shame the family name to our relatives, and in our culture, to shame the family name means it was better if you were never born.

You wanna know the funny thing? I kind of have proof too of why I might be TG well I guess then that makes me intersex. I had labwork done and a karyotype, and it shows I naturally have a ton of estrogen, low testosterone, and not an XY karyotype. Of course when I told my dad this he said the doctors are liars, say what you pay them to say, and he will never ever trust what stupid doctors have to say. He said he will never believe me, wishes I was never born, that I have torn the family apart, and ruined everything. In my opinion, he is making this a much bigger issue than it needs to be.

Anyways, I am numb right now from everything. From the names he called me, the fear of being beaten severely, losing my mom, being homeless, and the fear of being force-fed testosterone. I am having panic attacks and anxiety + tears. I dont know what to do. I wish someone would just save me. I am so strong though that I know suicide will never be an option even though some in my position probably would have done it already. I am not going to let my selfish and bad father take me life away. But what do I do? He wants me to completely change to a man and honestly if I could act like one I would do it but I cant. I dont have the low voice, the manly walk, the want to socialize with men in front of my father, or the want to go to a gym and work out my arms and who knows what else.

I am unsure of what to do. I am just so drained emotionally and physically right now. I mean hey its like who cares I have been suffering in being in the wrong gender body all my life, thats not what HE cares about. He doesnt see the pain I am going through. But now on top of that, I have a thousand more issues. Im typing this out of desperation and a need for some helpful words or something. Honestly, what is a young girl to do when all the walls are closing in on her? I just want someone to pick me up and take me away, far far away.

a) Even if you didn't have a birth defect and your feelings of being a woman were solely a product of your mind - you still didn't do anything wrong.

b) Being a good person and being transgendered has nothing to do with birth defects.

c) Finally, and most important - do what you need to do to protect yourself. Take control of this situation - now.

Tanya1 and everyone else thanks so much for the support I can't tell you how much it means to me to have people who believe me (that im not crazy about my gender issue and that i AM a girl, NOT a boy trying to act like one) and are trying to help me. I am praying to God with all my heart for help and I know I am going to receive a miracle soon because I have had miraculous dreams and people from my Christian church have had miracles too. I do live in America but I dont wish right now to give more information until things come down to the ultimate alternative of leaving home because I still have hope God will find me a way. For now, my father has promised not to hurt me but he wants me to act like a man quickly so I am pretty much avoiding him at all costs when he is home. So far that tactic has been working, and in the mean time I really do thank you all so much its just really nice to have so much support. I never would have imagined there could be people so understanding after the way my family is reacting to the news. I will keep you all updated.

Jasmine

Yes, keep things cool. Be smart.