I have thought about this thread for quite some time, but I just can not justify advertising... So, I will say this.

My greatest fear is an inevitability.

But, hay, IF I am right then it is practically meaningless in the scheme of things... An IF I am wrong, then it doesn't matter anyway.

Hello everyone,

My greatest fear would be one or more of my wife or one of my children getting killed or seriously injured. Second would be that I never get to transition physically.

Love always,
Elizabeth

What scares me the most?  two things actually.
1)  Losing my boyfriend.
2)  becoming a man once again (I know this will never happen though, but the thought of it scares me to death)


tinkerbell

Not the biggest but one of the most recent biggies, for me:  Getting read in a public ladies room and being beaten to a pulp by an irate, trans & homophobic husband/boyfriend/brother before getting arrested when the police finally get there. 

And, of course, me being the one arrested, not the one who assulted me,  and then the fun really beginning.

I think this may be slightly irrational, but not very much.  I drive 1½ hours each way to my support group meetings and I pass a highway (NY State Thruway, a toll road) rest stop on the way.  There have already been times where I wanted to stop (coffee'll do that to ya) but I kept driving and suffering until I got home.

Actually, any kind of violence sparked by my transsexuality is very frightening but the situation I described above seems to be the most fraught with risk.

helen

That's terrible, Helen. I'm sorry that happened to you. Have you recovered from the assualt? Ignorant people like the man who beat you bring shame upon all humanity.
Nero

Quote from: HelenW on June 12, 2006, 08:21:28 PM
Not the biggest but one of the most recent biggies, for me:  Getting read in a public ladies room and being beaten to a pulp by an irate, trans & homophobic husband/boyfriend/brother before getting arrested when the police finally get there. 

Wow and this wasn't the biggest.  I hate to think what the other was.

Steph

Oh no, Nero, Stephanie!  I'm sorry if I gave the wrong impression, that's a fear of mine - it hasn't happened (Thanks to the Deity!)

I remember reading about letters therapists give to their transsexual patients, you know: Walking Papers, to inform people that I'm transsexul, under the doctor's care, etc. but I don't think anything like that would help very much in that kind of situation.

It's kind of a main concern right now, fear about bad reactions when I start to go out as myself more often.

helen


Posted at: June 12, 2006, 10:02:35 PM

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I have a pistol permit and am allowed to carry a concealed weapon - I'm actually considering going out armed simply for the peace of mind.

But that could bring even more problems.  The picture on the permit was taken in 1982 - I looked a "little" different then (LOL) so I might be arrested for illegal possession of a firearm too.

I just don't know .  .   .    .     .

What was I thinking? The topic states clearly "What's your greatest fear?"
But I am relieved that didn't really happen to you.
Nero

I suppose I have a similar fear Helen.  A woman figuring out that I'm TS, running out of the bathroom screaming and grabbing a cop standing outside.  I don't have my "papers" yet, but I seem to pass fine, so this hasn't been an issue.

About going straight home from your support group meeting, I'm not sure what you look like, but maybe facing your fear little by little would help.  Maybe start by going through a semi crowded place and see if people keep staring at you and giving you nasty looks.  It could also be that they're checking you out, so don't suddenly get freaked out if all the men are looking at you.  However, if the women are...

Melissa

Thankfully we don't need papers in Canada or anything else to prove who and what we are.  And Helen I'm so glad that it's a fear  and it didn't happen to you (Whew).  Well I'm not glad it's a fear, I'm just glad that it didn't happen to you.  Hmmmmm that still doesn't sound right... ahhh you know what I mean.

Steph

I just wanted to mention that very few U. S. states or municipalities (if any) have any laws on the books regarding who may or may not use a given restroom. If someone threatens arrest, you're perfectly within your rights to demand to know what the charge would be.

I'm not saying that this is a wise course of action, just something to keep in mind!

Annie

it's kind of a strange situation.  I know that here in Ontario there are no laws on the books on who may use what restrooms.  If a male decided to use a female restroom with the sole purpose of passing bodily waste then that is not against the law. You are just responding to a normal bodily function.  i know if i were caught short I would have no problems diving into the mens restroom, to hell with what they thought.

Steph

Hello everyone,

Here in Los Angeles County, the Sheriff's office has advised that all transgendered people use the restroom of thier target gender.  The risk of being assaulted is much greater for us transwomen in the men's restroom, than it is by some upset husband or boyfriend.

I always use the women's restroom, and must admit at first I had a bit of trepidation, but now I don't even give it a thought.  I have never been hassled in anyway.  Lines however do make me nervous.  I will not wait in line at a women's restroom, unless my wife is with me.

Love always,
Elizabeth

I understand what you mean elizabeth.  It gives them time to examine you.  I went to the fair a while ago and there was a line.  I opted to hold it a while and when I couldn't hold it any longer I went back and the line was shorter, but I didn't have any problems.  I actually feel so guilty using the men's restroom that I have stopped using it now.  When presenting as male, I either use a unisex restroom or hold it.

Melissa

It's funny. Your exact fear, some of you, actually happened to me. I went into the women's room after a tennis tournament and as I was opening the door to go in, a guy grabbed me by the shoulder and swung at me. I ducked, ran into the women's room, did a little hurdle race over the benches in the change room and locked myself in a stall.

The guy yellled "Helen!!!". The women in there said what the hell was that? I said, from my stall, some guy out there is attacking women. (I knew exactly what he thought, that I was a guy invading the women's room). Got them all in a panic, so they all went out there to find this guy.

I hope he felt like a complete idiot.

Dennis

I bet Helen was pretty mad at him.    He probably got an earful that night.

Melissa

life


Posted at: June 15, 2006, 10:03:15 PM

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not in the suicidal way just not knowing what will come next

Quoteoh and CLOWNS....Spooky!?

thank you chynna! finally someone that understands the spookiness of the clown.

i have a few fears a long those lines, but in regards to life fears, one of my biggest fears is that i'm half way through transitioning and my wife (she will be my wife by then) decides that she doesn't like "who i've become" and leaves me.

also, a huge fear is that anything would happen to my stepdaughter or amy, i don't know what i would do, but i would be livid and crazy!

I was just thinking tonight and it hit me what my greatest fear is and I remembered this thread.

My greatest fear is that when I divorce my wife, her lawyer will talk her into going after everything I have and because I'm TS, the judge will rule in her favor and as a result I wouldn't be able to afford SRS for many years and would become suicidal before I was ever able to get it.

That is my greatest fear.

Melissa

I'm also thinking tonight...it's one of those nights when sleep doesn't come easy.  In other words...an AMBIEN night, you know.

I'm afraid, no "afraid" is the wrong word, that's not what I mean....my greatest fear is to succumb to depression for something that isn't worth it.


tinkerbell