My daughter IS 14.  Listen to Tekla and Dennis.

Jay

*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

It just comes down to not acting on it.

Don't make the crush any bigger of a deal than it already is. You're infatuated with a 13 year old girl, yes, but it doesn't mean you're going to act on your feelings. Not every crush is acted on and not every crush leads to something... the worst you can do, at least in my opinion, is to dwell on it and make it something huge when it could be potentially harmless. You have self control and I know you're smart.

A lot of people have been posting the consequences of getting with this girl and I think you already know all that by now. I think people are blowing this out of proportion because unless you are actually thinking on acting on it, I see no real issue. The crush could be gone in a few weeks or a few months, but by dwelling on it and actually blowing this thing up even more is going to make it even harder to deal with and make it even longer to get over.

I know it's hard not to think about it, but try not to pay attention to it.

Quote from: Elwood on October 01, 2008, 10:35:19 PM
*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

If it this is just a crush on someone who happens to be 13 then I wouldn't worry about it. Liking one 13-year-old doesn't make you a pedophile. In fact your worry about it is probably heightening the attraction and making it seem worse than it is.

As I said before, don't worry about it and it'll pass. The more you worry about it the longer this is gonna drag on.

Though, also as stated above, as you are much older than her you have a responsibility. If you're unsure that you can be responsible enough to not pursue anything with her, including if she does return your feelings, then it'd probably be best for you to break all ties with her.

Quote from: Elwood on October 01, 2008, 10:35:19 PM
*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

Stop talking about sex with her (you said she talks about her preferences).  That's huge.  Keep it platonic and not about anything you wouldn't want your parents hearing.

You can be friends with a younger girl; it crosses the line when you start talking about body parts and sex and preferences, even if you never touch.

Jay

I'd personally, be weary of even being "friends" with a 13 yr old girl at the age of 13. Especially being as you have a "crush" on her, I don't think having a crush is that big of a deal, granted she may be very mature for her age, but she's still, 13.
What do you do about it? Keep your eye open for another cool, down to earth girl, closer to your age.

Quote from: sneakersjay on October 01, 2008, 11:06:34 PM

Quote from: Elwood on October 01, 2008, 10:35:19 PM*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

Stop talking about sex with her (you said she talks about her preferences).  That's huge.  Keep it platonic and not about anything you wouldn't want your parents hearing.

You can be friends with a younger girl; it crosses the line when you start talking about body parts and sex and preferences, even if you never touch.

Jay

I guess, but see, someone else was talking about sex (I wasn't alone with her) and she wanted to add her opinion in. I wasn't having this one-on-one "what do you like" sort of conversation. In fact, my sexual preference was never brought into the conversation. I thought it would be stupid for a virgin to have input.

Posted on: October 02, 2008, 06:02:41 am

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Quote from: GQjoey on October 01, 2008, 11:54:22 PMI'd personally, be weary of even being "friends" with a 13 yr old girl at the age of 13. Especially being as you have a "crush" on her, I don't think having a crush is that big of a deal, granted she may be very mature for her age, but she's still, 13.
What do you do about it? Keep your eye open for another cool, down to earth girl, closer to your age.

That's actually one of the problems. Girls that are closer to my age are "smart enough" to know what a real penis is like. They're not interested in a guy that doesn't have a dick.

Not that this other girl isn't smart. She just doesn't hold it at very high importance. But she isn't a lesbian either. It's hard to find people like that. But I don't think that's why I crushed on her. I had the feeling the second I saw her, before I even knew her name.

A girl who cares too much about whether I have a penis or not wouldn't be a girl I'd want even if I was biomale in my opinion.

I know it's hard to think there are people out there who don't mind and will understand, but they do exist. I've dated one before and I know Charlesasher has a video on it on youtube.

Give yourself a little more credit in that department. I know there are a lot of people here that are very dysphoric about their genitals and you're one of them, but I think sometimes we obsess too much on it. People in general are attracted to others with confidence and those who act secure about their femininity or masculinity, right? If some girl or guy doesn't want to be with you because of what you have or don't have between your legs then they probably aren't someone who would be that accepting of other trans aspects. You want someone to understand you and your transition, not someone who will be focused on what parts you do or don't have. And yes, they do exist and I know that they do.

You'll find someone. Biomales and biofemales don't always find 'the one' person right away either.

It's true, you'll find someone.  My lady dates only FTMs, so you're definitely not going to be sexless as long as you remain dickless.  I think there is an issue with your statement that 13 year olds don't yet have the definition of man = penis.  They do.  Three year olds know that boys have penises, thirteen year olds know, thirty year olds know.  Besides, before you start counting people out.. shouldn't you give them a shot?

hey el, about your penis comment, I understand how you feel : / but I'm only into guys XD so it's bio penis or no go. As I understand it, though, they cut all the skin and what not/ release the clit from where it is atm. They put it in the right spot, I've never seen a phallo that is too low.

ACK!!!!!!!!! You're NOT a pedophile!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sure don't get the notion that 'having the right eqipment' is going to make you the super stud, or super slit, of all other studs and slits.  Ain't happening.  All having a penis will do for a guy that is not up to snuff on pleasing women is make him one more guy with a dick and no idea how to use it.

And yeah, an 18 year old having explicit discussions with a 13 year old girl is close enough to being a pedophile that the law will not make a distinction.

Quote from: Elwood on October 02, 2008, 08:05:41 AM

Quote from: sneakersjay on October 01, 2008, 11:06:34 PM

Quote from: Elwood on October 01, 2008, 10:35:19 PM*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

Stop talking about sex with her (you said she talks about her preferences).  That's huge.  Keep it platonic and not about anything you wouldn't want your parents hearing.

You can be friends with a younger girl; it crosses the line when you start talking about body parts and sex and preferences, even if you never touch.

Jay

I guess, but see, someone else was talking about sex (I wasn't alone with her) and she wanted to add her opinion in. I wasn't having this one-on-one "what do you like" sort of conversation. In fact, my sexual preference was never brought into the conversation. I thought it would be stupid for a virgin to have input.

Posted on: October 02, 2008, 06:02:41 am

---

Quote from: GQjoey on October 01, 2008, 11:54:22 PMI'd personally, be weary of even being "friends" with a 13 yr old girl at the age of 13. Especially being as you have a "crush" on her, I don't think having a crush is that big of a deal, granted she may be very mature for her age, but she's still, 13.
What do you do about it? Keep your eye open for another cool, down to earth girl, closer to your age.

That's actually one of the problems. Girls that are closer to my age are "smart enough" to know what a real penis is like. They're not interested in a guy that doesn't have a dick.

Not that this other girl isn't smart. She just doesn't hold it at very high importance. But she isn't a lesbian either. It's hard to find people like that. But I don't think that's why I crushed on her. I had the feeling the second I saw her, before I even knew her name.

The comment about girls your age, not being interested in a guy without a dick. I'm going to have to call bs. I've met PLENTY of girls, my age now (25) and back then (18) who were totally cool with me being trans, and having a prosthetic. It really comes down to confidence, and how YOU feel about not having the "real thing". You'd be amazed at how many "straight" females, don't care about what you have downstairs, as long as you can stimulate them mentally, and physically as it comes into play. But the physical isn't on the top of their list.

Quote from: GQjoey on October 07, 2008, 01:26:54 AMIt really comes down to confidence

This is very true; the reason for many inapproptiate crushes on younger people, whether pedophiles, college students intimidated by the fish in their particular pond, middle-aged men running off with their 20-something assistants, or Bill Clinton.

No, I don't think you're a pedophile, Dan; I just think you're not ready for a serious relationship.

To be honest since starting T all the girls I have attracted are 18 or 19.. perhaps because I look so young, they think I am there age when in reality I am 21 and mentally about 32 so it jus doesn't happen. I prefer older women generally I like women at the youngest 25. I just have more in common with older women and they generally know what they are looking for and what they want and are sumwhat stable.

Elwood your not a pedophile you just have a crush just make sure you do nothing about it!

Quote from: Elwood on October 02, 2008, 08:05:41 AM
That's actually one of the problems. Girls that are closer to my age are "smart enough" to know what a real penis is like. They're not interested in a guy that doesn't have a dick.

Not that this other girl isn't smart. She just doesn't hold it at very high importance. But she isn't a lesbian either. It's hard to find people like that. But I don't think that's why I crushed on her. I had the feeling the second I saw her, before I even knew her name.

I could honestly use a dose or two of your self doubt, Dan. No joke.

While we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

Quote from: Elwood on October 07, 2008, 10:05:15 AM
While we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

Of course it's going to be interactive and thrilling, for you, I, and majority of other trans guys. If you see yourself as being "second rate" to any bio guy simply because of a dick, you're going to sell yourself short the rest of your life.

Quote from: Elwood on October 07, 2008, 10:05:15 AM
While we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

I know man. And you'll do what you need to do. You're one of the guys with severe bottom dysphoria and I honestly hope you can find a surgery that will alleviate that.

But you've got to quit relating it to your chances of finding partners. You're a highly intelligent, charismatic guy whom plenty of peeps of any gender would love to date.
And remember that we didn't choose to be born this way.

Most women I know would assert that the "real thing" often fails to be terribly "interactive" or "thrilling" at all.