My trajectory was an "it has to get worse before it can get better" sort of deal. Like when you have to tear up a lot of stuff in order to remodel. It took 2 and 2/3 years after coming out before I was ready to transition. During that time, not only was my dysphoria not yet cured, it was brought out into the open and thus seemed inflamed, aggravated at first. I passed through some traumatic and bitter times on this steep path. I faced periodic depression in which the twin demons of Self-Loathing and Despair slammed me unbearably hard. I had one (1) nervous breakdown at about the midpoint of this nearly 3-year inflammation between coming out and full time. Healed and rebuilt myself up from there, and it's been all looking up since.
Once I finally transitioned, it was the most tremendous relief a poor frazzled soul like me could wish for. Life is good now. Life is beautiful. Now I am soooo frickin' sane, it rocks.
I am so happy to be me, so peaceful inside. In retrospect the tough journey was very much worth the trouble.
When my life is in upheaval, I like to recall lines by Jalal al-Din Rumi that really help put it in perspective:
Demolish the house, for a hundred thousand homes
may be made from this carnelian.
The treasure lies beneath the house, and there is no other way:
don't be afraid of destroying the house and don't stand still,
for from one treasure in hand it is possible to build
a thousand houses without suffering toil and pain.
In the end this house will fall of itself into ruin,
and the treasure beneath it will certainly be uncovered;
But then the treasure won't be yours,
since your soul receives that divine gift as wages for destroying the house.
