Except for the bald bit, it looks fantastic on you, but I'm suddenly glad I can't afford clippers, I'd probably be in the same fix! (grin) I "buzzed" mine with scissors... the haircut looks good, but I somehow managed to nick most of my fingers.
Why can't you just tell people you tried to cut it yourself and had a little mishap? Doing it yourself IS such a guy thing, and if you tell it with humor, maybe they'll laugh with you (instead of at you). I bet your not the only guy out of 3000 to do that.
At least it won't take long to grow back!