Yeah.....wierd.  I look in the mirror, and Bev looks back.  Mike's still in there...in my head.  Of course, Mike IS Bev.  But now, Bev is dominant in all aspects 

Hi Bev, Well "Y" tried his best to win the battle, but he was wise enough to realise he would not survive to the end of the battle. He knelt to one knee and laid his sword on the ground, and said aloud, "I will fight no more" then arose again, stood straight and proud like a soldier, I thought he was going to salute, but he only turned abruptly and threw his cape on a stone catafalque, then laid upon it and closed his eyes and faded off into the mist that had abruptly drifted in from nowhere. That was my dream not long before I started full time as Cindy.

Cindy is whole and is master of her own destiny



Well that was a dream, I have lots of pretty wild dreams. But then I have never again heard from Y, although I know that "Y" is still part of me, part of the same life giving energy of this body.

Cindy

It's strange so many people refer to their pre-transition selves as a different person... Or perhaps I'm the strange one for not thinking that way?

Hmmm I imagine we do that to distance ourselves from the prior self image. I do that too, even though I'm still the same person I've always been (just less yucky ).

The body gets used to the discomfort after a period of time.

Cheerleaders find a way to persevere, with all the bouncing around and stuffs.  So I'm sure someone as motivated as you will as well:-)

Quote from: Gracie FAISE on October 30, 2008, 08:07:03 PM
It's strange so many people refer to their pre-transition selves as a different person... Or perhaps I'm the strange one for not thinking that way?

Its cause repression of your feelings makes you strengthen your outer shell and construct personality. I also made mine a lot more like the people around me to the point of almost thinking at random points, "Goddamn it I'm not me right now I'm acting like so and so."


Most of what I've ever had as a persona has been constructed and I'm just now starting to sift through what was actually me in there..

Quote from: Kara-Xen on October 31, 2008, 01:40:28 AM

Quote from: Gracie FAISE on October 30, 2008, 08:07:03 PM
It's strange so many people refer to their pre-transition selves as a different person... Or perhaps I'm the strange one for not thinking that way?

Its cause repression of your feelings makes you strengthen your outer shell and construct personality. I also made mine a lot more like the people around me to the point of almost thinking at random points, "Goddamn it I'm not me right now I'm acting like so and so."


Most of what I've ever had as a persona has been constructed and I'm just now starting to sift through what was actually me in there..

that... didnt make any sense

The simplest way to look at it is that we still reside in the same body just newly renovated to match the newly rewired psyche. The hormones do change the psyche as well as the physical so that how we think, feel, and perceive things is different. The psyche simply adapts to its new environment. End result: It feels like having left one life behind to be reborn into a new one, so our reference point to our past is like looking back at someone else's life in the past that is no longer yours.

Cindy   

Yup, bio-girls go often through the "growing pains" as well.  I remember several months when I was 11 or so when I could barely stand it.  It was especially a drag since I've always been a stomach sleeper.  Fortunately the pain went away after a while. (Don't remember how long it took.  I'm thinking it was actually a couple years.)  They'll still get a little sore sometimes, depending on what my body is doing hormonally, though.  Can't wait to get them lopped off. 

Something that helps, if you want to sleep on your stomach:  Use an extra blanket like a body pillow, and tuck it around you so that it supports your hip and shoulder on one side.  This lifts your weight off the "girls", while still allowing you to sleep on your stomach.  (Did that description make sense?  It's so hard to describe something you just do.)

I'm fairly certain everyone goes through changes and personal growth cycles and look back upon themselves as such a different individual that it's hard to think of that person as the same person.  I don't really see much difference between regular people and transsexuals in that regard.

I describe it as my "shell" but it was more like my cage. I repressed who I was and how I feel and I allowed others to tell me who I am and how I felt.

It is the most wonderful feeling once you discover you can break out of that cage and live on the outside. Same shell, just a new life form inhabiting it. Like the metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly. To me it was that intense a change, over time. It might be different strokes for different folks which I believe it is. Depends much on how long it takes one to accept who they are within and surrender to this inner self. Among a multitude of other reasons of course. Acceptance is probably the scariest, to some, terrifying, and most dificult hurdle to jump.

Cindy

Quote from: Gracie FAISE on October 31, 2008, 02:16:53 AM

Quote from: Kara-Xen on October 31, 2008, 01:40:28 AM

Quote from: Gracie FAISE on October 30, 2008, 08:07:03 PM
It's strange so many people refer to their pre-transition selves as a different person... Or perhaps I'm the strange one for not thinking that way?

Its cause repression of your feelings makes you strengthen your outer shell and construct personality. I also made mine a lot more like the people around me to the point of almost thinking at random points, "Goddamn it I'm not me right now I'm acting like so and so."


Most of what I've ever had as a persona has been constructed and I'm just now starting to sift through what was actually me in there..

that... didnt make any sense

Riven's free translation:

I've built a shell around myself by repressing my feelings. Also, in this case my shell looks a lot like other shells around me, so "Goddamn it I'm not me right now I'm acting like someone else."

My persona is make believe, and i'm now starting to take inventory of what's really there.

Quote from: cindybc on October 30, 2008, 01:12:00 AM
Hi Bev, Well "Y" tried his best to win the battle....... stood straight and proud like a soldier, I thought he was going to salute

Cindy

Yes, "Y" tried to win the battle against Bev's "X" also, but I think "Y" was shorter than most other Y's, and kind of knew in "his" heart what the outcome would be.



Bev

I went through the same thing when I started HRT. I found a bra that helped me a lot. Its called a Water bra. im not sure who makes it, but it has water in the cups. It really does work. and welcome to womanhood!!