I'm confused about who I really am, Sometimes I feel like im a guy stuck in a womans body. I wish I was a guy and in my mind I can see myself as a guy with a woman. I don't look at women and wish I was with them as if I were gay but when I think about being a guy I can see me with them. I also find guys very good looking and im not sure if its that I really do think they look good or if that's how I would like to look and have women see me. I have never told anyone this before and this is the first time i've ever said anything about it. I'm getting depressed over it feeling like I have to be someone im not or am I the person I am supposed to be. Please feel free to email me if you feel the same way or have been through this, someone to talk to who will understand is what I need.

[edit] - Personal info removed - Steph]

Hi jen:
Welcome to Susan's forums.  Everyone here has been confused at one point of our lives, but I'm sure you've come to the right place; You'll be fine...
Talk to you later,
tinkerbell

Talking about it will help.

Welcome

Robyn

As Tinkerbell said we all have felt confusion at some point or points in our transition. I just went through one which the girls here helped me through. I am m2f woman (no SRS but I'm still woman) who is married. If you have strong feelings and some other signs maybe you need to heed and find your way. Denial and confusion is a natural occurance at first discovery as I am sure most will testify to

First I would like to say thank you for reading my post and taking the time to reply back. I'm scared because I don't really understand it and im sometimes angry at myself for feeling the way I do but at other times I'm angry at the world because I can't be who I want to be. I can't even tell you how it feels to have found people who understand. I don't know how to deal with how I feel and I can't tell my family. There are times i've wanted to just leave to another state and become who I want to be and not let my family or friends ever know and I know that sounds crazy but its something I want that I know they wouldn't understand or except. Does anyone know of a support group in VA?

Welcome to Susan's, Jen!

I'm Kelly, the SO of Little Lynn.  Anyhoo, I think that it will be good for you to talk about how you feel.  I understand that it must've been a big step for you to tell a bunch of strangers something that you can't tell anyone close to you, but I hope it makes you feel better to know that there are many, many, people here that have walked in your shoes and can be of enormous help to you.  Also, you may want to check out the Wiki section for more info on some of your questions.  The more informed you are, the more control you will have over your life and pardon me for saying that it sounds like you could use it!

I can understand the temptation to run away to another state and live out your life in total anonymity, but you may not need to sacrifice your relationship with your family and friends to do so, even if it seems to you like none of them will accept or understand you.  Loved ones have a way of surprising us sometimes and maybe they would prefer the real you to not having you at all (by running away without a word).  There is always the horrible possibility that they will reject you, but there is the possibility that they won't. 

If you wanted to, you could move to another place to do the things that you want to do, but that doesn't mean you need to sever ties with everyone from your past.  It can be really lonely and scary to be in a new location where you have to find a place to live, find a job, and find new friends.  It would be really good for you to have the support of family and friends behind your moving.  You don't initially have to tell them exactly why you are moving, either, make up an excuse if you want until you are sure about what it is you need to do to be happy.  Once you've figured that out, then you can start working on breaking the news to them.  Take baby steps if you have to, go at a pace you're comfortable with and please try not to be angry or hate yourself. Your condition is nobodys' fault, and you are most certainly not to blame for it. 

Okay, so I did a little research (on ifge's website) and I found these three support groups listed for VA, I'll give you the web addresses:
www.transgender.org/hrto is in Tidewater, VA
www.steeds.com/magic/
www.tgea.com  are both listed for Arlington, VA

Hope that helps, and I wish you the best of luck!

Jen, Welcome.

I am so familiar with the pain and struggle that you are describing it brings tears.  I'm really happy you found us.  It's a truism that only other transgendered people can really get what the others are feeling.  Most other people don't and can't ever really get it.

You'll find a lot of support and information here.  I hope you benefit as much as I have by visiting, reading and posting on this wonderful site.

again, WELCOME ! ! 
helen

Confused

Well lets see I once was a male who sexually liked boys then I was a male who sexually like women so then i compromised and became a male who liked TS's Then I was a woman who like men then a woman who liked women then a woman who liked women, men and TS's

Jen you following this???LOL

In other words we are all confused at some time on some level but the more you talk about it with others just like you (here at Susans) the more we all learn and grew including yourself and soon you'll learn that your not alone or have a problem...and usually clarity will follow!

Welcome to Susan

Chynna

You lost me Chynna lol but thank you, I just can't believe how supportive everyone on here is. For the first time ever I feel like I can be myself and not have to lie about how I feel and people support it. I can tell that this site is going to help me a lot. Thank you so much to everyone!

Welcome Jen!

I can totally relate to being confused because half the time it feels like I'm chasing my tail out here!
Who am I? What do I want? Why do I think this way? And billions more questions bounce around in my head.
But being able to post on this forum and read what other people have felt and gone through has done a lot to help, even for the short time I have been here. Feel free to ask questions and speak your mind, because everyone here is incredibly warm and understanding, and have so many insights to share.

~Kaitlyn

Quote from: Jen on June 26, 2006, 10:16:42 PM
For the first time ever I feel like I can be myself and not have to lie about how I feel and people support it. I can tell that this site is going to help me a lot. Thank you so much to everyone!

Hi Jen,
Wellcome to Susans - the best pat of this place is you are able to express your feelings as everyone understands.

Alice

Welcome Jen.

Nero

Just one more thing about confusion-eventually you get through your transition and confusion disappears. Family and friends are not always going to understand but some may support you. You can't deny your true self forever. Any one of us have felt your feelings at our start and confusion at different times, but most can tell you it is worth it, for it is a far better feeling than the battle that was going on inside trying to hide it.

Quote from: Kim on June 27, 2006, 05:05:10 AM
Just one more thing about confusion-eventually you get through your transition and confusion disappears.

I think it is a bit early to talk about transition. There are many steps to be done before transistionis ever considered like talking to a gender theripst.

Alice

I agree Alice, I was just letting her/him know this is not a permanent feeling. As we know it can get scary when confusion hits and sometimes seems neverending.

Quote from: Alice on June 27, 2006, 06:01:47 AM
I think it is a bit early to talk about transition. There are many steps to be done before transistionis ever considered like talking to a gender theripst.
Alice

I agree there are many steps before transitioning but talking to a therapist isn't a necessary step.....More like coming to terms and realizing what you are and want from your own existance. thats a requirement but lets not forget some of us never have even seen a therapist for even one session...Kim you raise an interesting point can someone Transition without Transitioning? Is it considered a transistion when an individual accepts he or she has a gender issue wether it be CD, TS whatever but simply does nothing to change but accept it?? Sorry wrong thread!

just stating that so Jen would know she has her own path...what ever road she chooses to follow..just watch out for tolls! they kill a girl

On the highway of life there is no Easypass
Chynna

oopsy!!lol I guess sometimes when I try to say something I over indulge and cross my threads unintentionally. Sorry bout 

Like the others have said, Jen, many of us have had similar confusion at various times in our lives. You'll find your way to express yourself in whatever way is comfortable to you. It may just be being a masculine female, or you may need to transition, but you'll know if the latter is right for you. Give yourself lots of time before you jump to any conclusions.

And feel free to talk it out with us here. Nobody will be judgmental.

Dennis

Quote from: Jen on June 26, 2006, 06:25:05 PMI wish I was a guy and in my mind I can see myself as a guy with a woman. I don't look at women and wish I was with them as if I were gay but when I think about being a guy I can see me with them. I also find guys very good looking and im not sure if its that I really do think they look good or if that's how I would like to look and have women see me.

Wow Jen, that's *exactly* how I feel too... exactly. Only with the genders reversed.

QuoteI have never told anyone this before and this is the first time i've ever said anything about it. I'm getting depressed over it feeling like I have to be someone im not or am I the person I am supposed to be.

It's scary, I know... but you've taken that critical first step of being honest with yourself and trying to understand what you're feeling. It can be a long, painful process, and I sometimes think that the most important thing IS trying to remain honest and open... if you can do that, everything else will sort itself out in time.

Know that we're all here for you, always willing to listen and offer what we can.

Hi Jen! I totally identify with your struggle. I am an M2F and even though I have decided to make my transition, I am sometimes (more often than not) confused about who I am. There is a lot of soul searching do be done on your end, but I think that in the end you'll come out ok. You may also want to talk to a gender therapist to help sort out your feelings. There are a lot of really good, supportive people here at Susan's that have helped me and I'm sure that you've found your way to the right place!

Jennifer