I know all too well about days like today...as well as the not-so-good days. When I first started out it was a constant battle to keep myself going through with this. Some days I wouldn't have a care in the world and I would be happy and content in the knowledge that I was transitioning. Other days I would feel so down and depressed about it all that I would just lock myself in my room and [want to] cry all day. Back then I could never show emotion, even in private. I grew up with this sense of obligation that "men" don't show weakness so I shut out my ability to. After about 6 months it got to be too hard for me to keep fighting without an outlet for my emotions, so I gave up and tried burying it again.
After another 6 months I couldn't deal with the lying anymore. Lying to myself and lying to others. I started back up with transition and haven't looked back since. All I can say is hang in there, it will get better. Keep your head up and fight through the battles and eventually the war will be over. And like you say, savor the good days like today. Try to keep the feelings you have now locked in your mind and recall what the reasons were that today was a good day so you can turn the bad days around. What I did was try and think of why a particular day was good and whenever I had a bad day I would try and put myself back in that mindset, or do whatever I was doing that brought me up. A lot of the times it was just a simple matter of putting on a good CD and taking a drive to enjoy the sun and the world.
And remember, you're not alone in this. As long as you have this site, there will always be people here who know what you're going through and who can help you fight through the hard times.
Take care sweetie.
~ Sarah
