I'm in a bit of a predicament. Well, to me anyway, it is. I'm not entirely if I'm posting in the correct section, but it seemed closest.

Before I begin, you have to understand that I am a TOTAL geek, and a lot of what's in here makes me ashamed. I have to share it with someone though, because I'm completely lost for what to do now.

For about five years I've been playing an online RPG, never mind the title. I play a female character and profess to my coplayers, when asked, that I am, indeed, female. Which is, of course, true...in every sense except the physical one.

Well, about three years into my playing, I was out doing some game stuff (gaining exp for anyone who knows what that is) and I was doing so with a random pickup group, since it's more efficient with 5-6 people. One of the members of that group was kind of cool, so I put him on my friend list.

About a month passed with us just having random chat as we did whatever it was we were doing in the game. One day, he broke up with his girlfriend and I comforted him. We spent the whole night just kind of hanging out in the game, sitting in some remote dungeon chatting. By the end of the night, I offered to be there if he ever needed to talk, and within a month we were dating...is that the correct term? Since this was all virtual, I figured it was harmess enough as long as I didn't let any feelings get hurt. Besides, I was just being there for a friend who was down at the time.

A couple months passed with us "dating" and I began to develop feelings for him, and he for me. We ended up clearing most of the game together, usually working on game progression during the day, then hanging out just the two of us at night. As time passed, we got closer, to the point where other than that we've never communicated outside the game, we pretty much know everything about each other. Except the one secret that I've kept hidden for years now. We even had an in-game wedding, which I'll admit was both fun and emotional. I cried, I know I'm a total geek.

Except, after that wedding, regardless of the fact that it was make-believe, I started feeling guilt. How many times had he wanted to meet me face-to-face and I denied him? I know he's not a stalker or a creep; he knows enough about me that if he were malicious he could have found me long ago. Hell, he once bought me a gift and sent it to my house.

So my guilt increased. I love him a lot for someone I've never even actually spoken to, but each time he wants to meet in real life or even so much as have an in-game voice chat, I have to lie to him about it.

Oh, and the lies. I can barely handle them anymore. I have him believing that I currently am seeing someone in real life, and that's why I can't deal with him in any way other than virtually. I don't like lying, but...it just kind of happened that way. I feel like an awful person.

Well, it's been half a year since the "wedding," and I can barely stand to even get on the game anymore. Every time I log on there's nothing but pain and drama and then I leave for a few days again. I've encouraged him to date someone in real life, and he's tried but his heart wasn't in it. He's trying again now, though. I hope it works out, I just want him to be happy.

And that doesn't seem possible with me. He's expressed some strong homophobia a few times due to something from when he was a child, so I can't even approach coming out to him. It would not only make him hate me, but he'd hate himself too. He's too phobic to have any concept of what transsexuals are, and he'd just see our relationship as me pretending to be a girl so I could get off on a gay relationship.

I know I can't make him happy, but I'm terrified of telling him the truth. What should I do?

Well, I didn't really give out my information for the purposes of his use; I gave him my credit card info once when I payed for his account for a while. He's also paid for mine in the past, too. I guess there's no harm in saying the name of the game, it's FFXI. But yeah...I don't know how he'd react. He tends to get extremely mad over little things, but he takes the bigger deals in stride. He'd blow up if someone trash-talked about me, for example, but when a few of us sat him down one day and kinda gave his ego an intervention (we've been playing forever, we have a lot of nice equips >_>;;) and told him to generally stop being an ass, he actually agreed and got better after that. So I have no idea how he'd react.

I didn't mean for it to ever even get this far, I was originally just being nice to a friend who needed and deserved someone to be by them. It's depressing, because even though I've developed real emotions for him, I don't think anything can make this work. Two years of lies is starting to eat at my conscience and I just feel worse each day I'm with him--which I KNOW isn't how a healthy relationship is supposed to feel...not that I've ever been in one.

I also think you have to break it off completely. You want to let him off as lightly as you can without freaking him out or hurting him more than necessary, so yeah, move your character elsewhere, name change, the whole shebang. A clean break is the best course IMO. Trying to say bye or explain would only complicate things and possibly out you. He might wonder about you for a long time, but it's better than the alternative.

And don't apologise. There was no malice in what you did. You fell in love. That's human.

~Simone.

I've actually been away from the game since...I wanna say...the wednesday BEFORE the one before Thanksgiving. I've just lost all nerve to even deal with it. I can't lie anymore, but I don't want to cause pain to someone I love.

I didn't date much in high school, so I guess I'm getting a late lesson: love sucks.

If you're going to cut him out of your life, you are definitely going to lose him. If you tell him - two things could happen, you would either lose him or he will want to work past it.

I would personally take the risk.

Well, thanks all for your input. I'm going to put some more proper thought into it, but I'll probably have to break it off soonish. I don't want to, but I'm left with few options, all of them grim.

I may post again in the future to update how it went, or if I was even able to go through with it at all. Thanks a lot for your quick replies and understanding of how painful this is, it was very helpful.