I told my friend about me, and he said he accepts me no matter what.
But now he's asking all these questions that I don't know how to answer.
"Why do you have to do this? Why can't you just be a tomboy lesbian?"
I didn't know what to say except, "Because I'm not really a woman."
And then, "You have a pussy. You're a woman. This is just a phase. You'll change your mind."
I was at a loss here too. I gave him information about transsexualism, and he read it, so I don't know how else to explain this. It doesn't help that I'm very uncomfortable discussing this.
Any suggestions?

Nero

I would address the question as "My genitals do not make me a woman.  I identify as a man and always have.  This is not a phase, since it has been lifelong."  Those questions really make you think and the best answers are the honest ones.

Melissa

WOW!

Well being you feel uncomfortable discussing it...I hate to say but baby boy get used to it its a convo your going to half to have a few times as you tell more people...
My momma still says its a phase so that one is just like The Ice age was a phase how long did that lil thingie last again???LOL  "whatever..time well tell,,,"

The reason you can't be a tomboy lesibian is because your not...and thats a broad "LABEL" so you could (For his sake) twist it to make him feel more at ease with you
OK tomboy lesbian..you can go for that whats in a label right babyboy in way you can be that just like in a way I can be an "overly feminine gay man" if thats what helps you to better understand me ill acdept that because at least your trying right and come on normal people have this god awful need to "label" Rationalize, and catagorize everytthing so for his sake for now let the man have his label if it helps him to better understand and cope with the shock of your transition as for the pussy thing (excuse the langauge...just tell him you gave it away to a friend like me!!!)

Or you could just have one of those hit you in a face with a brick conversations saying yes I have one but don't want because of x....y...z...q....r...t......etc.
he'll eventually get the picture..

Just if you value him has a true friend give him time..

thats just my point of view.

Chynna Doll
The incomprehendable doll

Thanks ladies. Yeah, I'll just have to give him time. That's kind of why I'm telling people in advance because I still have a long way till transition. It would have been nice to just answer the phone one day after my voice cracks and shock the h*** out of everyone, but I realize that's not too cool.

Thanks Melissa, I'll tell him that. Now all of sudden he thinks I've got a self-esteem problem. "I'm sorry you're not comfortable with yourself. Why can't you just accept yourself the way you are?"

I do accept myself. I just don't want breasts and this soft voice.

Oh, I love the new pic, Melissa. Your hair has grown some. But as always you just look really sweet.

Nero

Quote from: Nero on July 05, 2006, 12:53:37 PM
I told my friend about me, and he said he accepts me no matter what.
But now he's asking all these questions that I don't know how to answer.
"Why do you have to do this? Why can't you just be a tomboy lesbian?"
I didn't know what to say except, "Because I'm not really a woman."
And then, "You have a pussy. You're a woman. This is just a phase. You'll change your mind."
I was at a loss here too. I gave him information about transsexualism, and he read it, so I don't know how else to explain this. It doesn't help that I'm very uncomfortable discussing this.
Any suggestions?

Nero

Hi, Nero!

At first, I was very uncomfortable trying to explain who I am - even with my counselor!  I think part of the problem was actually hearing the words coming out of my mouth.  You can think them until you are blue inthe face, but it does not have the same impact as when you are hearing them.  Hearing yourself say that I am a {insert gender here} elevates our journey to a whole new level of reality.

Do you have a pet or something that you can talk to?  Explain it to the pet why you are who you are.  Have a conversation with yourself.  Hear the words coming out of your mouth.  The more you talk about it, the more comfortable you will become. 

It also works as a reality check.  If the words don't ring true when you hear them, then you have a problem and it's time to re-evaluate.

Chaunte

Quote from: Chaunte on July 05, 2006, 07:06:51 PM
Do you have a pet or something that you can talk to?  Explain it to the pet why you are who you are.  Have a conversation with yourself.  Hear the words coming out of your mouth.  The more you talk about it, the more comfortable you will become. 

I always tell people that if they can think the words and even write them out, then they should just write it out and give it to another person to read.  I find that method works well for me.

Melissa

Quote from: Chaunte on July 05, 2006, 07:06:51 PM

It also works as a reality check.  If the words don't ring true when you hear them, then you have a problem and it's time to re-evaluate.

Chaunte

I like that, reality checks, this is a nice tool you just gave us, thanks.
The phrase that helps me and my friends to cope with is " is beyond intellect, it is what it is"  and  "God chose me to travel this path not me, It makes it hard on everyone and I have to accept it" and "Is a lonely journey, it helps me appreciate friends"
these have worked for me in the past.
love sheila