My trans girlfriend and I have been togather for almost 2 years. We have been together on and off for many years but she had not realized she was trans until right before we got togather this time around.

I love her so much and I am very happy she is finally able to be her true self. The only problem is that she never wants to have sex anymore. She is on hormones which makes getting an erection difficult. I am fine with just using toys and doing other stuff that does not involve her penis but she is just totely not interested in anything sexual. I have tryed to get her to go to counciling with me about the issue but she doesn't want to take the time off work.

I feel hopeless. I miss the intimacy of sex. I miss her making love to me. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like if I was thinner of sexier she would want to fool around with me.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

She had an orchiectomy about a year ago so she has no testosterone at all.

Quote from: Maggie the great! on December 20, 2008, 04:20:21 PM
My trans girlfriend and I have been togather for almost 2 years. We have been together on and off for many years but she had not realized she was trans until right before we got togather this time around.

I love her so much and I am very happy she is finally able to be her true self. The only problem is that she never wants to have sex anymore. She is on hormones which makes getting an erection difficult. I am fine with just using toys and doing other stuff that does not involve her penis but she is just totely not interested in anything sexual. I have tryed to get her to go to counciling with me about the issue but she doesn't want to take the time off work.

I feel hopeless. I miss the intimacy of sex. I miss her making love to me. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like if I was thinner of sexier she would want to fool around with me.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

I miss sex too. I used to feel the same way you do but learned pretty quick thinner/sexier has nothing to do with it. Ask her if work is more important than your relationship. If it's not, she can take the time off for counselling. If she says yes, then you need to get out and find someone else. For a relationship to work, you have to work together. It sounds like she's letting you make all the compromises.

Karen

Well, I noticed that you mentioned that your G-friend has a penis. Is she a He-She friend? Is she interested in transitioning? Is she having poo shoot issues? Something has caused a degree of sensitivity that she may be afraid to discus. She is still your friend and has had sex with you before, right? So, maybe it is not your assumed insecurities. Maybe she doesn't want 3rd party involvement. In any case, it is obvious to take it slow and tactfully find out what is going on. Remember, girrrrls are sensitive

Using her penis is probably uncomfortable for her emotionally.  Sort of a constant reminder of who she used to be.  Just my 2 cents.

This is always difficult as everyones experience is so different...

....but have you tried suggesting the idea of helping her to experience sex from a female point of view.

..maybe suggest that to make her feel more comfortable you want her to stay "tucked" for the whole session, and that you will try to exite her without touching "that" area.....say you want her to use the "toys" with you, and she can also try them if she wants.

If she has had an orchi, then she should be getting increased skin and nipple sensitivity (we have some notes on nipple orgasms in the sexuality section), so I would be surprised if you failed to get some response.

....I just think making it clear that a "male" performance is not required, and taking steps to "prevent" it from the outset might help..

I know that I enjoy cuddles and foreplay more with my partner these days, than the "act" ...

Chrissty

Quote from: Virginia Marie on January 06, 2009, 08:41:40 PM
Well, I noticed that you mentioned that your G-friend has a penis. Is she a He-She friend? Is she interested in transitioning? Is she having poo shoot issues? Something has caused a degree of sensitivity that she may be afraid to discus. She is still your friend and has had sex with you before, right? So, maybe it is not your assumed insecurities. Maybe she doesn't want 3rd party involvement. In any case, it is obvious to take it slow and tactfully find out what is going on. Remember, girrrrls are sensitive

Oh wow.... just... wow....


Like Audrey said, its probably something she doesnt like.. her thing... I know its the main cause of intimacy issue between me and my boyfriend, i DONT like it, i dont like it reminding me its there during sex... it ruins things.

As for T, she does have testosterone, just as you do, its adrenal... not gonadal... But tbh, i think you two just need to work out what here issues are, and conquer them, because i garuntee its sex related if shes just not looking interested. and hon, DO NOT think you are too fat, or too unsexy!

I would like to add that the hormonal change had it's impact on intimacy for me, and it has taken awhile for me to get used to it. With physical effort I can function, but it's the mental effort I'm still having problems with, and thats after 14 months. There has already been some great suggestions, some that I have tried myself with much success, so maybe it is just a matter of experimentation mixed with a little more time.



Nicole 

Each is different, i found i was finally able to get intimate...

Well, to be honest. I've never had much interest in sex. This became most evident to me when I hit my thirties. It had nothing to do with liking or disliking anyone. Sex just looked more like a chore than a pleasure. Sometimes I feel a somethin' somethin' for some folks, But more than often, I just keep all friendships as just friends. I do wish to find that special someone. Sex is not love. True love is love

You ever tried it?

Quote from: Starbuck on January 08, 2009, 10:48:44 AM
You ever tried it?

:laugh:I have two older sisters. I started getting together with their grrrlfriends when I was 14
I've never been with a guy though. Maybe that would spark things up again

You might be asexual if you have no interest in sex.

I'm not sure if I'm A or Bi sexual. I do have some interest sometimes. I even fanticize about making a threesome sandwich. The girl, then me, then a guy we both like. A bit different version of soul train. Is that crazy? Maybe I got so much at an early age I started looking around for something new and different

Quote from: Maggie the great! on December 20, 2008, 04:20:21 PM
My trans girlfriend and I have been togather for almost 2 years. We have been together on and off for many years but she had not realized she was trans until right before we got togather this time around.

I love her so much and I am very happy she is finally able to be her true self. The only problem is that she never wants to have sex anymore. She is on hormones which makes getting an erection difficult.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

I know this is bound to be frustrating from the other side of the coin. I am not in a relationship right now but could imagine. I am trans (MtF). I started on hormones about 6 months ago. I am on estrogen and anti-androgens. Which most likely is the case for your gf as well. Between the mix of the hormones there is no chemical balance to produce arousal. My sex drive is relatively low and it has been bothering me. So, I mentioned it during my last doctor's appointment. I was offered to switch my medication to add in a proestragen in order to give me the female equivalent of a libdo. She maybe in the same boat.

Just talk to her about it... I promiss it will make the world of difference. Ask her all the important questions and tell her how you feel. Let her know you miss sex and realize that her decreased sex drive is most likely a result of her hormone prescription. Ask if she wants to have her libdo back and ask her if she would consider talking to her doctor about her restoring her libdo. Everyone is different so all you can do is address it and hope for her honesty.