Hello all.  I am new here and excited to find such an active forum.  I am MTF but for personal reasons have decided not to transition.  I hope to share more as I spend time here with you all.  Maybe I'll make one of those introduction threads.

By chance, are there any other transgendered individuals here who have made the decision for one reason or another not to transition?  I'd love to hear from you and learn how you cope with the continued dysphoria.

Hi Interalia,   

Welcome to our little family. Over 1660 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another sister.   

The journey is yours to judge where, when, how and if to decide to go forward.

I can help you because I am transitioning, 4 months in FT.  And I am free.

Janet

Not really ... I talked a crapload about getting a sex change when I was 9 till 13 and right now I have decided to stay how I am now for the rest of my life. I would rather find someone else transgendered and transitioning to come keep me company.

Yeah, I'm not transitioning.

The cons outweigh the pros for me.

Also I can't work out for the life of me what my gender identity is...

Quote from: interalia on February 01, 2009, 11:26:18 PM
By chance, are there any other transgendered individuals here who have made the decision for one reason or another not to transition?  I'd love to hear from you and learn how you cope with the continued dysphoria.

Welcome Interalia!

I transitioned M2F, did year plus RLT, and then re-transitioned due to various circumstances. It was a hard decision to make. To survive, I find it important to honor who I am inside, and to be open about who I am regardless of external expression. I don't make any attempt to conform to male presentation or behavior, I'm just myself.

Z

Hi interalia,

Welcome to Susan's !

Non-transitioning TS?  ...Yes there are a few of us here... 

...but I hope you have seat belts..

..It can be a bumpy ride..



Chrissty

Hi hunny and welcome

Yes a general consensus on trans forums well other trans forums is generally if your TS transition. It comes in many degrees and its what makes you happy that should dictate not the popular view.

Good luck to you interalia

HI Interalia! I was transitioning for over a year and have desided to not at this point. I am slowly coming off my hormones and returning to my old life. There are pro`s and cons to transition and for me I think I have a lot of cons coming to transition. I`m not to sure how I`m going to deal with not transitioning. There are no drugs to make the diphoria go away but I did have a good fun life in Hawaii that I`m going back to and some other stuff. The only thing i have to help me with the disphoria is the reminder of what transition would bring on for me and how I don`t want to live with the cons.
   Aloha, Angie

Quote from: Zythyra on February 02, 2009, 06:54:30 AM

Quote from: interalia on February 01, 2009, 11:26:18 PM
By chance, are there any other transgendered individuals here who have made the decision for one reason or another not to transition?  I'd love to hear from you and learn how you cope with the continued dysphoria.

Welcome Interalia!

I transitioned M2F, did year plus RLT, and then re-transitioned due to various circumstances. It was a hard decision to make. To survive, I find it important to honor who I am inside, and to be open about who I am regardless of external expression. I don't make any attempt to conform to male presentation or behavior, I'm just myself.

Z

I'm finding that the more open I am about my difficulties the easier they are to deal with.

I guess that at this point, like you, I am not transitioning. I can't even fathom what it might take and what I might have to give up if I were to actually transition. So, recently I've made a deliberate decision that I won't transition, even though I know I badly want to.

As for coping with the continued dysphoria, I'm still figuring out what works best. I tried growing my hair long for a year, but that only made it worse so I cut it. I cross dress when I can. That helps for a little while, but it always leaves me wanting more and that's when the transition thoughts get stronger. I guess that one thing that has helped is when I stop trying to be a man all the time and allow myself to be more feminine even if it's in ways that others might not really notice. It does take some pressure off to allow myself to have moments where I don't have to put on the male act as much as I normally do.

One thing I've noticed is that it is really easy to fill the void with addictions. Right now I would say that I am addicted to work. It keeps my brain occupied and reduces the time I have to sit around and think about this. But, it also keeps me from doing other things that make life pleasant like relaxing and spending time with friends and family.

All in all, opting not to transition is not and has not been easy. Whether it is less problematic and painful than transitioning would be, I don't know. For now, that's where I'm at. I wouldn't say I'm happy and I won't say that I'll never change my mind about it. But for now it's where I'm at.

Take care of yourself, and make sure you choose healthy coping mechanisms. If you have any ways of coping that you would like to share, I would love to hear them.

Ella

Coping techniques are what I'm developing.  There isn't exactly a handbook on how to successfully live with gender dysphoria without transition and there is a whole lot more pressure to transition than not to (directly and indirectly).

What I am doing now is being open and honest with myself and others.  I'm not exactly wearing a sign that says "gender-queer" on my back, but I am being far less inhibited when talking to others as the conversation moves in directions where it is appropriate to bring up gender dysphoric feelings.

I realize not everyone will accept me, but I've accepted that finally.  10 years ago at age 18, I needed acceptance, now, I just need authenticity in my relationships.  I found that being fake so people would accept me only brings me down more.  I'd rather be real with you and you dislike me than be fake with you and have your support.  This was a tough realization to come to, but one I feel confident in now.  It has certainly made me a stronger person and will most likely provide me with the added strength needed to make this difficult journey.

If I'm real with people and they know who I am on the inside, they will interact with me in kind as I allow them opportunities to do so.  I am a non-transitioning genetic male transsexual.  I have to live with it, it doesn't mean I need to protect everyone else from it.  If I were missing my legs, do you think I'd want others to expect me to run a triathlon?  In the same way, I don't want others to expect me to be what they see on the outside.  The difference is people don't know that you are missing your legs (figuratively) unless you tell them and give them a chance to deal with that.

These are my coping techniques.  As far as "dressing" it was never so much about the clothes for me personally, though if I dressed and only saw a me (as a male) in a dress, I can see that deepening the depression, not making it better.  That could just be specific to my experience though.

Quote from: interalia on February 03, 2009, 12:17:50 PM
Coping techniques are what I'm developing.  There isn't exactly a handbook on how to successfully live with gender dysphoria without transition and there is a whole lot more pressure to transition than not to (directly and indirectly).

What I am doing now is being open and honest with myself and others.  I'm not exactly wearing a sign that says "gender-queer" on my back, but I am being far less inhibited when talking to others as the conversation moves in directions where it is appropriate to bring up gender dysphoric feelings.

I realize not everyone will accept me, but I've accepted that finally.  10 years ago at age 18, I needed acceptance, now, I just need authenticity in my relationships.  I found that being fake so people would accept me only brings me down more.  I'd rather be real with you and you dislike me than be fake with you and have your support.  This was a tough realization to come to, but one I feel confident in now.  It has certainly made me a stronger person and will most likely provide me with the added strength needed to make this difficult journey.

If I'm real with people and they know who I am on the inside, they will interact with me in kind as I allow them opportunities to do so.  I am a non-transitioning genetic male transsexual.  I have to live with it, it doesn't mean I need to protect everyone else from it.  If I were missing my legs, do you think I'd want others to expect me to run a triathlon?  In the same way, I don't want others to expect me to be what they see on the outside.  The difference is people don't know that you are missing your legs (figuratively) unless you tell them and give them a chance to deal with that.

These are my coping techniques.  As far as "dressing" it was never so much about the clothes for me personally, though if I dressed and only saw a me (as a male) in a dress, I can see that deepening the depression, not making it better.  That could just be specific to my experience though.

I like your attitude.  It will help you deal with the realities of being trans.

I once was dead certain I'd never transition.  No way, no how.  It just wasn't going to happen.  But I felt it necessary to be honest about who I was.  Then the mass exodus occurred.  Suddenly the need to remain male for everyone faded.

Now that I'm full time I'm so glad I did it.  The price was high but not as high as it would have been because I was headed for self destruction.

Julie

Quote from: interalia on February 03, 2009, 12:17:50 PM

These are my coping techniques.  As far as "dressing" it was never so much about the clothes for me personally, though if I dressed and only saw a me (as a male) in a dress, I can see that deepening the depression, not making it better.  That could just be specific to my experience though.

Hi interalia, the man in the dress syndrome has already got me in trouble in another thread. Any way I think it takes real courage not to transition, as much if not more than those of us who do. Not passing as female brings real problems not only to one's self psychologically but from what others think of us. I know people who don't pass well and their life after transition is hell some to the point of several suicide attempts.

Yes you have to do what is right for you. I have lost so much in transition which goes with the territory and I still think perhaps I shouldn't have. Sometimes I am still pulled in two directions, to continue one day and then to de-transition the other. I've probably gone to far to de-transition and when I think of that, I can not really go back to being how I looked before. So when I play these mind thoughts its hard but in my heart of hearts I don't want to look like I did. I don't know if that makes sense but its thinking about the things I've lost rather than the transition for me that would take me back.

Stardust   

"I don't know if that makes sense but its thinking about the things I've lost rather than the transition for me that would take me back."

Stardust I think this statement epitomizes why so many TS transition in the end.  They think about what they have lost by not being true to themselves and decide to make it right.  Some transition and the feeling stops there while others are never satisfied, always seeing something else they want and cannot have.

It seems your focus on what you don't have (ie have lost) is your primary motivation.  Why not shift your focus to all that you have!  It will certainly improve your mood.

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 03, 2009, 12:32:18 PM
I like your attitude.  It will help you deal with the realities of being trans.

I agree. Look, life is short and whatever is going to make that life the happiest for you is what's best. If that involves transitioning then cool, if not then that's fine too. If just acknowledging it and not suppressing it makes you happy then good for you Many transition because that's what they need to do to find the comfort, balance, and happiness. There's probably a lot more people in the world we don't know about that go the same route as you...acknowledging your gender non-comformity yet not transtioning.

Quote from: interalia on February 03, 2009, 12:17:50 PM
Coping techniques are what I'm developing.  There isn't exactly a handbook on how to successfully live with gender dysphoria without transition and there is a whole lot more pressure to transition than not to (directly and indirectly).

I'm in somewhat a similar place, I transitioned, re-transitioned, and currently live as neither/in between. There is no handbook, and you're right about the external pressures of how-to-be-properly-trans (TM).

The most important thing for me is to honor who I am, regardless of external appearance or pressures, and to be myself, honestly and openly. Not to play a male role, even if that's what people expect to see. That's easy for me, I always sucked at being a guy, and never tried to conform. I also accept that everything is subject to change, what is right for me today may not be right tomorrow.

Thanks for being who you are Interalia!

Z

Thank you to you too, Zythyra.  It is nice to know someone else seems to be doing what I am more or less.  I see we are both taking a similar strategy, one we both seem have to have up with on our own through experimentation and struggle.

I think the most important thing its to be comfortable in your skin. Everyone have their own challenges and sometimes there is no ore choice than coping.

Quote from: Laura91 on February 08, 2009, 12:17:37 PM
Life is all about doing your own thing. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. If being non-op is the thing for you then go for it.

I'm not really about this philosophy.  I find the more we focus on ourselves and our own happiness the less happy we are generally.  As we become less self centered, we find more peace in our decisions and in our lives in general.

I'm sure you don't intend for it to be taken this way, but if "my own thing" included stomping on "your own thing" I doubt you'd think I should pursue that course.

Ohh poo you would make a cute lesbian  (but you would be too young for me)  giggle... hey really i am happy anybody can deal with their own selves and bodies. Myself as soon as i found out it was possible i was practically done..  well 13 months an orchy 3 FFS GRS labiaplasty and hair transplants and i looked in the mirror and said wow i like her  

My life has been an adventure and i do love me but am i successful?? well probably not to many but to me i am because i love me and i love that i no longer have that nasty male sex drive or people viewing me as male and well what more can i ask for ... Oh yea a true love would be nice but i never found one before... all i found were women who used me for that thang.. well that won't happen again thank the spirits above..

Ok back to you welcome and enjoy life

hugs Danielle