Dear Looking,
I would say I am like you in some ways, including approximate
age (early 60's), altho there was not the drug side effect at
birth--or being treated as a girl. But I do remember having lots
of girl feelings. And perhaps around age 2 or 3 my Dad started
teaching me to be a "real boy." But even at 6 or 7 I told the
lady next door that I wished I were a pretty girl.
I was aware even after puberty that my body was far less
masculine than most males my age; and even when whiskers
started to appear (around age 15), they were blond (and
scarce)--even tho I had brown hair.
I can't really give you any advice on transitioning (I have
not done so). But I have to say that , like you, I feel as
if I am both male and female. Sometimes the male side is
stronger, and sometimes (more often) the female. But nei-
ther one ever goes away. Since I live alone and am not
able to work, I try to "go with the flow" and just dress and
act the way I feel. There are times when I have a very
strong need to "go female" in appearance and action, but
sooner or later the need gets weaker and I feel more com-
fortable wearing male clothing and "acting male."
Since I'm able to go out less often than in the past, I go
out as female less often than otherwise. And I just
think of myself as transgender, because I am really about
halfway between being a crossdresser and a transsexual.
Of course, you have to work thru your own feelings, and
I agree with Wendy in strongly suggesting that you see
a professional gender counselor--one
whose reputation you are able to check on. I saw an
excellent gender counselor for about six months last year;
someone who had an ad in the publication of a Chicago
area transgender organization, and who was recommen-
ded by one of the officers whom I trusted. I found this
counselor to be very helpful in my own personal growth.
I look forward to reading more from you.
Wishing you all good things,
Sandra
