Hi all, i have a friend who i talk to on facebook, i use to work with her and we have kept in touch and i see her a little bit. And i want to tell her that im a transexuel as i hope she may understand and be able to help me. But how do i say it too her and should i tell her, am i being selfish. The reason i want to tell her is that from might point of view it is safer for me if she takes it badly as she doesent know my circle of friends as i am so worried about what people think. I know no one can make my decisions for me but how can i word it. Any advice would be great. Thanks everyone x.

i'm not understanding why you feel the motivation to tell her.  Does she know you as male or female?  If she knows you as female, does she truly need to know?

Sorry i should have explained better, i am a male to female transexual who hasent started any transition and everyone knows me as a male, and i have not told anyone the truth, that i wish to become a woman.

But what is your motivation?  Is it for your friendship or a relationship.  Or is she just the first?

Janet

Quote from: Cheryl on February 15, 2009, 04:16:55 PM
Hi all, i have a friend who i talk to on facebook, i use to work with her and we have kept in touch and i see her a little bit. And i want to tell her that im a transexuel as i hope she may understand and be able to help me. But how do i say it too her and should i tell her, am i being selfish. The reason i want to tell her is that from might point of view it is safer for me if she takes it badly as she doesent know my circle of friends as i am so worried about what people think. I know no one can make my decisions for me but how can i word it. Any advice would be great. Thanks everyone x.

Cheryl:

It is very hard to predict how a person will take news like this.  I will say that most of the people I know took it mostly well.  I think primarily I told them honestly and up front.

And I really didn't dance around the subject.  It was something along the lines of:

"xxx, there is something I need to tell you.  This is something that I need to do to save my life.  I'll just say it then talk about the details.

I am a transsexual."

And then I went on to describe briefly what that meant and how it would affect me.  After a while it almost became a form letter.  But I tailored each one to the person I was sending it to.

Also where ever possible I would tell them in person and to their face.  Second best would be over the phone and the last was snail/e-mail.

And you have to accept two things when you do this.  Number one, they may take it badly and never talk to you again.  Number two, they WILL tell everyone they know.

If you expect them to hold your secret, forget it.  A secret shared is no longer a secret.  Once you tell one person, sooner or later you will be found out by others.  So if you are going to tell one person, be prepared to tell everyone.

Also, if you are worried about what people will think, then perhaps you aren't ready to come out.  If you are looking for acceptance, you are on the wrong path.  Don't get me wrong, you may very well find that everyone is happy for you and accepts you and wishes you all the best (actually that is much more likely), but you MUST be prepared for the worst.  You must be prepared to lose everyone you hold dear.  It may happen.

This is hard news, Cheryl, and I am sorry for putting it bluntly, but we are not on an easy path.  This blessing inside a curse is not an easy blessing to hold.  It costs us dearly.  And not many can accept this blessing.  But you must be very aware of what the consequences of your actions will be.

I wish you all the best, Cheryl!  I really hope everything works out for you.

Keep us posted!

-Sandy