Hi y'all.

Just me, yappin' away about my life's issue.

I'm jelous. Because Mother Nature wanted to screw around, I miss all the benefits of being the big-breasted female I've dreamed of becoming since I was 14. I've fantasized about being a girl since I was in 2nd-3rd grade, about having a vagina between my legs and all. At 14, I got my ideal image of myself realized.

>:(I don't even get all the privelges of being a woman. I felt vexed. I have even had the audacity ot hold a grudge on Allah because of it. That is so not good. He doesn't make mistakes but yet I felt like He disrespected me, that He did this on purpose. But perhaps it's something He wanna teach me.

I know this is tmi but if I go to the bathroom I need to go to the boy's bathroom. I can't go into the girl's bathroom. Although there were sometimes I was lucky enough to sneak my way into the girl bathroom before.

I wonder what the boys out there in female bodies feel like. Do they feel like they've been demoted?

I want to find a doctor in the Philadelphia area that I can talk to about my life's problem. I'm 18 and don't know how to get one.
I would tell my therapist about my ideal body, and that I would be a plus-sized, big-breasted, African American female.
But then my therapist would probably ask me, "Why would you wanna be a fat girl?"
Well... I think plus-sized females are cute and beautiful.

I really wanna refrain from using the term fat girls to avoid offending the plus-sized females who could be reading this.

What does "You are who you imagine yourself to be" really means? I am a female with the wrong gender body, true. But I'm not big. In fact, if I had at least a plus-sized male body, I would save every shiny, crisp dollar I get my hands on, I would get me the tools I need to crossdress and I would be on my path to happiness.

How I handle it;
I have a journal that I keep on here (on my PC), which I'm too too lazy to keep track of. I'm writing in it as if I already have my ideal body, I go to this particualar high school i wanted to go to, I live where I wanted to and all that, and I would write down my day as if I'm really living that life. It's Kinda like this game called Second Life but the whole environment is real. In fact, I call this whole project Second Life!

I made;
* A student ID of my other self from that particular high school (not a 100% accurate replica but I did try)
* I drew many pictures of myself as my female self, my ideal body that is.
* I did an autobiography last year about how my lifestyle is. It kinda corelates with my real life but very different!

Well, I'd say that the things you are feeling are totally normal.  Getting angry with god and feeling like you've been cheated...totally normal.    So don't feel bad about that.  It is an understandable feeling that you will get past eventually.  All emotions are valid and necessary, including anger.

Other than that, I'd suggest doing a search online for a gender therapist in your area.  I think the things you've done like making a new student id...that's awesome.  Keep it up.  As long as you have a goal, visualizing is the best way to get to it.  Although I wouldn't recommend gaining a lot of weight...you do want to be healthy (and as a fatass...it can be a huge pain in the butt to be fat. ).

Frankly, I don't see how you could want big breasts, they are disadvantageous in many ways, especially like if you want to do gymnastics, its annoying weight to carry.

As for the bathroom, i don't see how there's a problem, it doesn't have anything to do with who you are. The social rules are that people born with female organs use that bathroom, it doesn't have anything to do with who you are.

But I do feel you. I really wish I could be who I want to be, and not be judged so much. :/

You want to be fat, but that doesn't have to do with gender, just like I want to be very thin, this has to do with our desires. Albeit very strong desires that have developed strong and messed up throughout our life's experiences for some reasons.

Check out the Mazzoni Center.  In the past they've worked on a flexible scale for low income/no insurance folks.

Trust me here, having huge breasts (and I know how big overweight woman's breasts can get) is just a problem.

I am a male to female lesbian (male physically still) and prefer enormous breasts (I have a limit and preference) but I want to have normal breasts perfect for my health and ideal image.

To be honest I prefer heavy woman (very overweight) with huge breasts or transsexuals (mostly ones with a male part) and thinner woman kind of do not work for me really, but I prefer very gothic and emo styled girls if thin (strange? :3)

Its great to have images on your computer or someone to look at, but having huge breasts can cause serious problems.

Take your time to be you, understand yourself and let your emotions flow :3
I may be atheist but if you believe in god ask him what you need to do or follow whatever it is you need to follow.

Other than that I recommend taking some time to explore your soul and body.

Hey again,

I wanna say thanks. I posted this thread quite some time ago but no responses. Same for my introduction thread. I felt like I was ignored, and that being ignored was exacerbating my issues. I thought to myself "Like, dam guys! I came here to get help, not to feel ignored!" I didn't mean that to be disrespectful but that's how I felt, and plus, that may have been on of the limitations to new members?! IDK! But yeah that's that and thank you for taking the time to talk to me.

As for being overweight... I know that it's probably not the best body image in the world to have but umm... I did hear having big breasts can cause back pain. True. Also, my other self wears a 42ddd, or maybe 42dd. I don't want them to be too big! I also heard they would sag as we (women) get older. Is that true? I've seen pictures accross the web with women with long, hanging sagging breasts and gawd they're ugly.
What eles?... ... *taps fist to lips* ...mmm Oh! The reason I wanted to be a fat girl was because, I think I posted why on here before but I perfer plus-size females vs. slimmer ones. I always thought big girls were beautiful and always wanted them (not too big though). So when I first generated my ideal image, I thought to myself "I want to be beautiful. I want to be pretty." Then I asked myself, "What physical traits do I like in females?" and then I gave myself those traits, and then a new name! It's the female version of my male given name but a new last name.

Not that this is the topic anyway, but why do society look down on guys who like full figured women anyway? Different skrokes for different folks y'know? I don't want to be fat as I am now. Only because I figure my male body looks better skinny. Who knows? Maybe I was a big breasted fat girl in my last life.

Speaking of previous lives and reincarnation, I had asked the Creator several times (i think more times than I should have) that after leaving here, I would come back and actually be me! But still, nothing's for sure. When I come back again I gonna forget that I wanted to be a woman, unless i come back a mtf transgender again, but.. idk... Allah won't promiise me, i don't think but the request is out there! Plus, if not the next life or the next life after than, and so on and so fourth. I trust that I will have the ideal life I've created for myself now... because we have to learn the ways of life from all perspectives. We've all been White. We've all been Black. We've all been Asian, Hispanic, mixed races, and so on. So with that in mind, I know I will be the girl i always draw when i draw myself, there's just no gaurentee it will be in teh very next lifetime, but i would love for it to be!

The other thing I wanted to talk about was the whole "expereince" thing. Back when I was a little girl, I always wondered... and curious as to what it was like to be a girl. Something was trying to tell me I was walking around wiht the wrong gender body but could never deciepher the mixed feelings within me. Like, *rolls eyes* I wanna know what it's like to have a female body,

I wanna know what it's like to be a big girl, have big breasts, a big belly, and just have my ideal image. And also, I wanna know what it's like to undergo my... woman cycle. I can't now since my body doesn't have the right stuff but i heard that's one of the most important features of being a girl. Funny how I always saw that as an advantage of not being a genetic girl but I'm not going to go there.

Not that I want to have children but I would walk around the house pretending I'm pregnant (what girl hasn't done that at least once in her life?) to get in touch with my feminine side. I also wanted to know what it's likke to grow a baby in my belly, although there may be a little pain involved. Not that my otherself would actually get pregnant anyway, but I'd like to experence pregnancy. And if anyone's curious, if I did want a child, I would want one child, and she would be a girl. With that being said, when I do get my therapist I will bring this up, and if she asks me if i ever want to get pregnant, I will tell her, "Yes, Ms. (whatever her name will be). I would like to get pregnant. But however, I don't want to have kids, and I don't like boys."

Okay? That's it. I don't have much else to say. For now that is.

 The problem with a forum, is that it's not like having a conversation with someone in front of you, you can't expect people on the internet to respond to you. I think most people feel at least a bit ignored when there's no personalized reply to a post, I know I do, and I think that's mostly because we crave attention out of our effort. I usually don't want attention and tend to stay in the shadows, but when I do actually take the time to put forth something, for some reason I expect some feedback about it, which in a way makes sense, but at the same time is unreasonable. I think it means the best approach is to share without expecting anything in return. :/

As for you body ideal; I have so much trouble relating to big, hehe, I just see is as that everything smaller is better; You can be more lighter, agile, more flexible, less obstructed(ie smaller breasts and no flabby stuff). And.. eee, the idea of something living inside my belly scares me... it's like a creature that could burst out,ggg. I think most women hate the cycle, so I'm curious as to how that could be desired..  I guess our tastes vary alot huh?

Heh, when I was little, I stuffed basketballs under my shirt and pretended I was pregnant.

Hey biglover,
I think no one responded at first because they were confused by your original screen name and posts. I couldn't quite tell what you were getting at - thought you were a transguy at first or gg lesbian.

All sorts of people feel that way, not just trans folks.  Hell, its one of the best Pete Townsend songs

I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.

Can you see the real me, doctor?

I went back to my mother
I said, "I'm crazy ma, help me."
She said, "I know how it feels son,
'Cause it runs in the family."

Can you see the real me, mother?

The cracks between the paving stones
Look like rivers of flowing veins.
Strange people who know me
Peeping from behind every window pane.
The girl I used to love
Lives in this yellow house.
Yesterday she passed me by,
She doesn't want to know me now.

Can you see the real me, can you?

I ended up with the preacher,
Full of lies and hate,
I seemed to scare him a little
So he showed me to the golden gate.

Can you see the real me preacher?
Can you see the real me doctor?
Can you see the real me mother?
Can you see the real me?

The masters (well half of them) at work.
The Real Me Live at the Royal Albert Hall

Sorry that you are feeling ignored.  I, personally, will look at a new post and if so struck will responded.  When I don't. it is usually because I want think on it.  After a few posts I can respond.

I am a slender girl, myself.  A C-cup is perfect for my frame, 5' 10", 140 lbs.  But I would really like a D-cup.  Good Cleavage you know.

My weight goes from 180 to 140.  But noting migrates to the hips and behind.

Janet

Has anyone ever had a dream about being the opposite gender? I know this sounds like something I can open I new thread on but I don't really like to make new threads unless I find it absolutely nessasary.

I have tried before to have a dream that I was a girl, because in fact I am. But with my right body. I know this is where lucid dreaming comes into play and all but I just want to go to sleep one night and dream standing in my ideal body (or better yet tonight). But sadly I could never master lucid dreaming.

You've probably had them, you just can't remember them. Sometimes it works if you focus on something right before sleep.

Just having a lucid dream is tough.

Yeah...I haven't managed the lucid dream either.  It's hard work.