After years of avoiding it, I finally bit the &^$$# bullet and made an appointment to have my lower half checked out. The very idea of a gyno exam makes my stomach clench up and my heart race. I'm looking for any advice from transmen that might help me get through it.

I've read all the advice for first-timers--they say to relax, take deep breaths, stuff like that. Jeez. If I thought I could relax, I wouldn't BE at a site like that, looking for advice for first-timers. Anyway, I've had this exam before. It was never a hoot, but it never particularly bothered me, either. When I was much younger, I developed some kind of coping mechanism that got me through stuff like this. That strategy went away when I came out of the closet.

I'm embarrassed to be asking because I'm a very private person and don't like to spread my sh** around for all to see. But I'm swallowing my pride for once. Help, anyone?

I had to have my last one before my hysto. Laughing and joking about it worked for me, but I guess it depends on the doctor. I said "is this as awkward for you as it is for me?" She laughed and we laughed. She said "yeah, definitely."

In our situation, I think you have to find humour in everything. You could ask her if she found Jimmy Hoffa...

Dennis

I like Den's idea. I'm usually more focused on the discomfort of some cold metal apparatus being in there than anything else. Once that part's done, I'm relieved. And I look forward to the part where she reaches up and touches the womb. It feels strange and makes me think of a jellyfish. So, it's not all bad.

I suppose I try to disassociate from the parts in question.  I also try to remember that the doctor has seen more bits and pieces than you can shake a stick at.  For her it's more like a mechanic peeking under the hood, than looking at somebody's naughty bits.  So I try to look at it like that.  It's just parts. 

I feel you, though.  This June I'm going to have to take "her" in for a checkup, and come out to my regular doctor at the same time.

Disassociating works.  Joking works.  I usually said something like, I'll bet your patients are never glad to see you! and stuff like that.  And staring at the ceiling -- they usually have pics up there.

Kinda like the guy exam.  Turn your head to the side and cough.  Cough!


Jay

I have no good advice, I've managed to avoid it so far

xanax.  valium.  to quote my physician, "Requesting a man on the transgender spectrum with extreme dysphoria about his body to endure a gynecological exam without offering a sedative is malpractice."

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Post Merge: April 25, 2009, 01:16:39 PM

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IMO, exams became worse for me post-T....  because they have to grab your junk and move it.  There is nothing worse than while inserting a speculum, they grab your dick.  Disparity, anyone?

Quote from: Mister on April 25, 2009, 12:14:27 PM
xanax.  valium.  to quote my physician, "Requesting a man on the transgender spectrum with extreme dysphoria about his body to endure a gynecological exam without offering a sedative is malpractice."

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Post Merge: April 25, 2009, 01:16:39 PM

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IMO, exams became worse for me post-T....  because they have to grab your junk and move it.  There is nothing worse than while inserting a speculum, they grab your dick.  Disparity, anyone?

I'm definitely worse post-T. I'm so dysphoric now that I haven't been having sex with my partner. This appointment is practically all I can think about right now. Fortunately, I'm still small enough that my stuff won't get in the way. Small favors, eh? Hahahahaha.

I'd like to avoid a trank...I have to drive home afterward so I can deal with this in my own way in my own space...don't think I can cope with sticking around and waiting for the trank to wear off...and I like to think I'm not so bad off that I need one.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

Quote from: Arch on April 25, 2009, 01:22:04 PM
I'm definitely worse post-T. I'm so dysphoric now that I haven't been having sex with my partner. This appointment is practically all I can think about right now. Fortunately, I'm still small enough that my stuff won't get in the way. Small favors, eh? Hahahahaha.

I'd like to avoid a trank...I have to drive home afterward so I can deal with this in my own way in my own space...don't think I can cope with sticking around and waiting for the trank to wear off...and I like to think I'm not so bad off that I need one.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

Well, what I did before I was male ID'd and suffered through them was basically told my doctor not to tell me what she was doing, take time to make sure I was ok, etc., but to do her thing as quickly as she possibly could since I would be bawling through the entire thing.  After the exam, i went home, showered, had a beer or two and spent the rest of the day on the couch watching crappy TV. 

I just had mine last week for the very first time... My GF & sister told me that it was painful and I expected the worse but the pain wasn't the worse, it was the embarassment of spreading out while a stranger is poking me down there. I don't even get undressed on intimate moments & don't want getting touch there but there I was spread like an eagle. Anyway, the doctor was actually nice and I joke around with her to ease up the tense and she talked me through it. While she was doing the examination, I closed my eyes, breath through my nose out my mouth and thought of something else but Mister's advice of taking xanax or valium before the exam is a great advice.

Well, I'm glad it's over but then again, it's a yearly thing so I am not out of the woods yet.

Quote from: Mister on April 25, 2009, 01:26:18 PM
Well, what I did before I was male ID'd and suffered through them was basically told my doctor not to tell me what she was doing, take time to make sure I was ok, etc., but to do her thing as quickly as she possibly could since I would be bawling through the entire thing. 

I think that's my worst fear, that I'll lose my composure.

I had a mammogram recently. The weeks of waiting nearly did me in, and the receptionist acted funny when she realized I wasn't male-bodied and needed a female test despite my name and my presentation. That just made me freakier. So I'm in there getting scanned or whatever, and inside my head I'm saying, "I'm not a girl, I'm not a girl, I'm not a girl."

Later, when I talked to my therapist, he said, "Perhaps you could try something more positive, like 'I'm a boy, I'm a boy, I'm a boy'?"

I guess he has a point.

I do NOT want to fall apart. It would be nice to have a sense of humor about this appointment, as some of you have suggested. Sometimes, when I'm highly stressed, I become incredibly comedic. I was hoping my comedy routine would kick in when I went in for the mammo.

It didn't.

I don't think it's going to work with this, either. It would be great if it did, but I'm not expecting it.

Sorry, I know I'm being a big baby about this, but I got through years and years of Pap smears without so much as a sniffle or a wince. I would just like to do that again.

Well, I exaggerate. Those appointments started getting harder and harder as my defenses and my denial slowly started to crumble. But starting transition seems to have changed everything. I expected my life to get better after I started transition, and I'm sure it will at some point. But right now I'm still on the roller coaster from hell. Grr.

I'm not a girl, I'm not a girl, I'm not a girl...

Having a trans friendly gyno helped me a lot.  It was still pretty horrible, but I wasn't a complete wreck.  Unfortunately, GYN exams are something you're going to have to deal with until you have a hysto...  maybe you can talk to your doc about setting that up ASAP.

Mister, I'm not planning to get a hysto. Certainly not anytime soon and maybe never.

I guess I'm gonna have to learn to live with that choice, huh?

Maybe I won't need a Pap every year. Guess I should do some research and see what is recommended for people in my age group.

If I can get through this one, then the ones that follow shouldn't be too bad, you think?

Quote from: Arch on April 25, 2009, 02:43:55 PM
I'm not planning to get a hysto. Certainly not anytime soon and maybe never.

I'm sure you have your reasons for that but IME getting rid of those parts helped immensely with my dysphoria about my downstairs parts.  If you've got insurance, it might be better sooner than later.

Just something to think about.


Jay

I have had to have several exams and will have to continue until I have a hysto because of medical issues below the waist. I think of it as basically just another part of my body that has to get looked at so it can function properly. Disassociation I guess, I just pretend it's no different than getting my arm examined. It's the only way I can get through it.
Myles

Quote from: sneakersjay on April 25, 2009, 03:12:33 PM
I'm sure you have your reasons for that but IME getting rid of those parts helped immensely with my dysphoria about my downstairs parts.  If you've got insurance, it might be better sooner than later.

Just something to think about.


Jay

But there has to be a "legitimate" reason before insurance covers hysto, correct? I believe being transsexual is still not considered legitimate by insurance company.

Quote from: pong on April 25, 2009, 04:29:55 PM
But there has to be a "legitimate" reason before insurance covers hysto, correct? I believe being transsexual is still not considered legitimate by insurance company.

Yep. The vast majority of U.S. insurance plans will not cover trans hysto.

I have no medical complaints with my equipment down there, and I'm not fool enough to hope my doc finds anything wrong. My insurance will not cover trans hysto. And I feel guilty enough that I'm going to blow eight or ten thousand on top surgery. I'm not sure how much hysto would cost, but it would probably wipe us out utterly even if my partner were fully on board with it. After the stock market took a dive, I'm not eager to invest the rest of our "safe" money on a surgery that I don't need and (at this point, anyway) manifestly don't want.

I did some poking around. Seems that there are relatively new guidelines for Pap smears that I didn't previously know about...they recommend every two or three years as long as everything is normal. I've found a few sites that make the same recommendation for transmen, but I'm reluctant to trust them. Is this true for transmen on T? I would love to get away with every three years--that wouldn't be so bad.

All I have to do is stop obsessing about next month's appointment. I would love to get some real work done for a change.

Quote from: myles on April 25, 2009, 03:36:24 PM
I have had to have several exams and will have to continue until I have a hysto because of medical issues below the waist. I think of it as basically just another part of my body that has to get looked at so it can function properly. Disassociation I guess, I just pretend it's no different than getting my arm examined. It's the only way I can get through it.
Myles

That's good advice, to  think of it as just another part of your body, like your knee or something. Or maybe pretend your doctor is rummaging through a box of car parts or vegetables or something stupid like that, and you just happen to be holding the box between your thighs. Any silly image which works for you.

As an ex-gynae nurse I can assure you that one body part IS pretty much like another to a medical professional. If your doctor approaches you with gentleness, respect, understanding and well-placed humour, you're off to a good start.

And if all else fails, just remind yourself that it will all be over in a matter of minutes.

My first gyno was a trans-identified queer female bodied person.  That REALLY helped with the whole "THIS IS AWFUL" feeling because... she was somewhat in the same boat. 

I've had a couple since then, but I just try to disassociate for the most part and know it'll be over soon.

I must be weird in that I have no issues with this stuff. Then again when I was young I had a lot of issues down there so I had been examined before. But also I'm pretty disconnected from that stuff anyways and didn't even have a problem with it at that time either. Someone messing around down there has never bothered me, it's like someone messing with my foot or something. *shrugs*