Things are definitely better between us. I feel as though I have got my loving, caring wife back. She said that she will help and support me has much as she can. When I first told her, I think that I did it the wrong way. She knew something was wrong. I was crying and I just blurted out that I wanted to be a girl. The first few months were terrible, she said some nasty, vile things, and tried to belittle me. I kept telling her that she needed to see a doctor, she was in denial. This might sound callous, but at one point I was thinking about leaving her, knowing that she was ill. We have since talked about this, she said that she would have asked the neighbour's to look after the dogs. She was going to tell them that she had to go away for a few days, and if she wasn't back when she said, to ring me. She said that she would have had all her medication, and she would have taken an OD. I would have gone back to the UK. So by the time that I got back to Spain she would have been dead.
Post Merge: May 04, 2009, 03:25:03 PM
At last things are starting to happen this month. Tomorrow I am seeing a psychiatrist who deals with gender. Also this month I have an appointment with the endo, and blood tests, I will also be seeing the urologist. I know it will be months down the line before treatment starts. My wife has told me that she is scared and worried as to the effects this will have on me. We went out on Saturday night, and got talking to some people. Nothing odd happened, but I asked my wife if she thought I had been read. She told me no. I think the couple thought that we might have been in a lesbian relationship, has they never mentioned anything about our partners. My wife told me not to be silly, as we never mentioned anything about there partners. This week my wife has been showing me how to dance, I seem to loose the tempo. She said that I did well, and said that she would video me. so I could watch it back.
Post Merge: May 05, 2009, 11:16:59 AM
Today I went to see the psychiatrist, I took some photos of me dressed when we were on holiday. My wife said why are you taking them. I told her because I couldn't dress in fem mode. When we got to the hospital, the psychiatrist told her to wait outside. she said that she would go and wait at the maim door , so she could have a cig. The psychiatrist said that he would call her in later and to wait. He took some history , and explained about the hormones, and T blockers.
I went to get my wife, I knew that she had been crying. The psychiatrist was reading what I had wrote, then what my wife had wrote. I told her that he wanted to know what she felt about all of this. I told her that I had told him what she felt. My wife was crying and said that I didn't know how she felt. She said that it was sick, pathetic, play acting, and that on a Saturday night in the car she was sick of me repeating over and over, trying to get my voice right. The psychiatrist noticed that she was crying. He started talking to her, but it was all in Spanish, so she didn't understand any of it. He told me that it was to soon for my wife, to see the changes that hormones do and T blockers. My wife asked me if I had asked for Viagra, as I have a low sex drive. I told her no, has he said that some people can preform. My wife told me when we came out, that everything she has done this past 13years was for me, out of love, and she was on the back burner. She said that we are not making love. I was quite shocked at what she said, but it is right. She said that since Saturday, she had been feeling really down, but put a mask on for me. My next appointment is in 6 weeks time.
Post Merge: May 07, 2009, 08:30:59 AM
The day that I went to see the psychiatrist. I was annoyed that I have to wait 6 weeks, and by what my wife said. That night we were going out. When I got back from work, my wife was ready. After I had eaten, she asked if I was going to get changed, I told her no. She said ,so your going out looking scruffy, at least I have my pride. We drove in silence, and got to the bar. I never spoke, my wife said , the trouble with you is truth hurts, start living in the real world. I told her to stop having a go at me. She told me that I can't blame her for what happened today, and perhaps when the psychiatrist saw what she had wrote, he decided to see me in 6 weeks time. She said that if I had got a prescription on the first visit, he should be struck off. I still sat in silence. My wife started crying, told me to pay as we were going home, we had only been out 30mins. When we got back she said that she needed to go to hospital, she packed some over night things and off we went. She went in to see the psychiatrist on her own. She told them that she had suicidal thoughts, and was thinking of ways to hurt herself. I was then called in, we spoke in Spanish. The psychiatrist said that they would keep her in over night, if she wanted to, my wife said that she did. I then knew how bad she was feeling, has she only speaks a bit of Spanish. She was not allowed any personal belongings, and 1 phone call. It is a high security unit, I told them I would pick her up at 8-30pm. I left all her medication. The next day she phoned me, I could hardly tell what she was saying has she was crying. I told her that I would pick her up at night, and to just hang on in there.
I got there for 8-30, at 10-30 they let me see my wife, we then had to wait to see the psychiatrist. She told me that they never gave her any medication, she had a bad headache and asked for something for it, she was given nothing. Once the psychiatrist was sure that she would not hurt herself she was allowed home. I was just glad to have her back.
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