Hello!

I´m an transitioning FTM transsexual from germany, though I actually consider myself rather being androgyn/genderless/undefined.
Some reallife facts : I don´t care about age but I´m old enbough to have been living and caring for myself since several years, having lived uproad too. I´m really undecided in what I exactly want to work with,actually I´d like to do something that gives me enough room to express myself, wich makes it hard to find a normal job and not quitting it after a while :/ I´ve tried many things but I´ll try to work in media-design from september this year on. My interests are Music (Guitar <3), art, psychology,literature, movies, comics and animation, photography, stagework. 

I´ve never felt like the title of "girl/woman" suited me or came close to what I really am. Since I didn´t know anything about the existance of transsexuality, I had a big interest in crossing lines between genders. I feel most comfortable with people that don´t spend much thoughts on genders and my look upon sexuality is rather the view of an artist shaping a piece or art than someone loosing his head in lust and desire. Thought testosterone is ought to raise the libido, I didn´t get any more desire or lust. This doesn´t mean it´s anything that makes me suffer. However, I feel confused about myself and my identity. In the day, I have to keep up a mask that leaves no doubts for others for me being male, due to that I still need  the support of therasists and other doctors to get though with topsurgery and name-change. INside of myself thopugh, even if I feel that through the whole treatments and surgery ,  get more close to the real me, I don´t feel 100% male.
It´s somewhat splitting and making me dissapointed, of myself because I lie to others,and of others because androgynity is not accepted. If I told my therapist that I´m not a woman at all, but I´m not 100% of a man either, I´d probably get trouble. Sometimes I wonder if not maybe I was born intersexual, my hormone-levels before starting the tesosterone-treatment were pretty messed up too. . .
ah well, you can guess I´m somewhat confused.any advice is welcome.
I hope my english is not THAT bad xD thank you for reading!

Hallo und Willkommen. Ich kann Deutsches nicht sprechen. Ich muss einen on-line-Übersetzer benutzen.

HAHA OH MY I hope that doesn´t mean my english is too bad XD
no seriously, thank you XD

Welcome.

I dont think telling your therapist about who you really are is a problem at all.  In fact I think that if you arent honest with yourself and your therapist, then the help you truly need will never come.

Welcome! Androgyny is something you rarely hear about, so your therapist might not fully understand at first, but it's important to be honest. If your current therapist has been helpful to you, then you should probably tell them. If you feel you're androgyne, then transition might not be the best route for you, but I'm sure that's something you've put plenty of thought into already.
Also, your English is fine.

Hi "house of cards",

welcome at Susan`s Forum.

Carmen  -   from Germany too

Welcome, House.of.cards.

I agree with the others.  If you can't be honest with your therapist then you need a different therapist.  For me, sometimes I would get a bit ahead of my therapist, but at the next session she would be caught up and we would go from there.  Even if your therapist is not familiar with the issues of an androgyne, if he or she is any good they will learn and help you find yourself.

Each of us travels these roads in our own way.  If androgyny works for you, then wonderful!  I wish you well in your journey to find your true self.

- Kate

Hiya House.of.Cards

Welcome to Susan's !

You will find people from all over the world on this site, so it can be quite interesting at times 

...so in my case it's hello from London UK

Chrissty