Well to start with. I am 37. I have wanted to be a girl as far back as I can remember. I dressed often in my sisters clothes without anyone knowing. My family is very intolerant of issues relating to what I am going through. I have quietly gone through life with these desires and although not often found boys I was interested inbut could not do anything about it. I recently had a situation where I even wanted a guy but he was with another guy. He was so big and strong but I felt just like a little school girl trying to get his attention subtly. I even on a whim purchased pantyhose and checked out right behind him hoping he might notice me. I actually got all excited by him. From that point on my urges tobe female have grown. The problem is I am now married with children and nobody knows about my urges. I pretend to like a lot of guy things but deep down inside I love shopping, cooking romance and even have a facination with wanting to be a mom instead of dad. I dont know what to do realistically. I am hoping to find a ftm who might understand what I am going through and maybe have a relationship based on what we have in common as I want to know everything about being a woman and what better way than to talk to a man in a womans body.I dont really get excited as I once did about sex with woman. I actually am more interested inbeing romanced and being made to feel pretty and then making love as a woman. I would like to find a ftm in that I could meet and talk to and possibly even date.




location removed. See TOS, Rule 14 -- Nichole

Welcome to the site.  You will find it to be full of people with issues just like yours.  I myself am not that much different from you.

I would suggest, and encourage you to find a counselor who is experienced with Gender Identity issues.

Please, look around this site, there is a lot of information here that you might find useful.

Thanks for coming, i do hope you will stay!!   

Hi Andrea.

You didn't ask for any advice, but I'll offer it anyway.  I hope you will take it in the kind spirit I offer it.

Trolling on the internet for romance can only lead to trouble for you.  Stop living in your head so much, which also leads to trouble.  (I know. )  Get some counselling.  And talk to your spouse.  As you open up to others you will find better solutions than the inward spiral that can happen when it's all inside you.

Good luck.  And welcome to Susan's.

- Kate

Welcome to Susan's, andrea.

Please read the TOS and follow the rules you find there. As 14 says, this is not a dating site.

Deception is always a problem. As a group we don't like it one bit, usually, when we're designated as "deceptive." Yet, lots of us have lived our lives with all sorts of deceptions, to ourselves most of all, but to others very much indeed.

In your case number one deception to stop is suggesting you want a romance with someone other than your wife and making pleas to that effect. You're asking for trouble, lots and lots of trouble.

The one thing you may read most at TS/TG sites is that people learn to "peel the onion." This means they uncover layer after layer of conditioning and lies we have lived and furthered all of our lives. It can be a very difficult thing to do when someone has hidden himself or herself from everyone for a very long time.

Continuing that process through trying to lead a double-life is hardly a way to "peel an onion." It's more like taking off one layer and then putting another layer in it's place. The behavior will NOT get the job done properly.

One of the hugest things we have to do is to take responsibility for ourselves, for being ourselves and showing ourselves to others.

If you want that sort of modeling then please stay and try to learn from others. However, a surreptious relationship will not get you there.

I wish you all the best in your journey, should you choose to make it. We invite you to stay, but also will not condone or encourage (in fact will discipline) any attempts to make dates or trysts with members here.

Nichole

Andrearebecca, Go to flickr and see the crossdresser photos and make some friends. You can flickr message each other and find many people with our same type of life style. I'm sure you can find a lovely person to communicate with. Being in the closet is a hassle. Maybe you should tell your spouse and see what happens. Hugs,Gen

as I want to know everything about being a woman and what better way than to talk to a man in a womans body

Ummm, you could talk to a woman?

At any rate, it's very hard to lead a double life, in the end one side wins out.

am hoping to find a ftm who might understand what I am going through and maybe have a relationship based on what we have in common as I want to know everything about being a woman and what better way than to talk to a man in a womans body.

Just...  wow.  I'm anything but a man in a woman's body.  since you're new to this site but not to 'your issue,' it seems you'd know better than that.  please refrain from such presumptuous statements.

Welcome to Susan's, Andrea.

Gennee