Hi all!
My name is Cloe' and if the first step of starting my journey begins with recognition, then I began my first step in my journey to finding me.
Who am I? I am a transgender male that has been married to my soul mate for 21 years now. We have 4 beautiful children; which two are graduated from high school and in one year we loose another.
My children consist of 3 girls and 1 boy, ranging from 20 years to 12. They are a mix set of characteristics. My oldest and youngest are twins separated by 8 years. My middle daughter is gifted and can do whatever she wants, from going into space to whatever. So, what does she want to do? A chef! Oh well as long as she is happy. My son is autistic and we continue to work with him as he ventures out into the world.
My wife and soul mate is an accomplished massage therapist and loves it. I work for a small software company as their support manager as well as their web master. I completed my MBA degree several years ago and was still not happy.
For as long as I can remember felt that I was living a lie. I could never figure out why I felt this way. The sensation just kept growing. The more accomplished I got, the more I felt that I was living a lie. It was if, I was watching my life as a third party.
Then in May 2007, everything fell a part. I lost my high paying job and could not find another. After two months I logged on to second life and chose a female avatar, it felt right in so many ways. Through that avatar I began to find who I really was. Until one day everything came crashing down on me.
I spun into a pit of depression where thoughts of suicide just ran ramped. I ached all over and could not get out of bed. I phoned a friend that I met on second life and he rescued me that day. I later began to embrace female side of me and my sexual preferences. I told my wife and we cried none stop for hours, and then occasionally at times for weeks later. I got the help I needed and was feeling better because I let the female part of me take over for a while.
I was in more control and beginning to be happy. I was able to secure temporary jobs and the male part of me slowly took over again. When that happen, I got off of second life and started to feel that I was living a lie again. I found full time job, and still I got worse.
Four months ago, I stared up second life again and began to feel better but not much. Things got so bad with thoughts of suicide, that I needed to reach out again and found help. Over the past two months I came realized that I was female trapped inside a male body and when I was able to make that determination.
I started to let her drive the way I behave. I always love doing my daughters and wife hair, their nails everything anyone one would consider feminine. I painted my toes and wear panties. I explain my feelings to my wife and after a long cry she said that I needed to do start my journey and she would be with me every step in the way.
I have told my friends on second life that I starting my journey and they agreed. So, when my wife and I meet with my doctor, we will take step two. Step two of a thousand. I just cannot wait.
I hope this helps you to understand who I am and where I am going to go.
Love,
Cloe'
