Granted.  The coffee is very delicious, the most exquisite coffee know to mankind.  It is Jesus's favorite coffee.  It is awesome.  However, there are no cups, and anyone who drinks straight out the the pot will be tortured with the pear of anguish, then burned at the stake.

I wish that I had lips like my avatar.

Quote from: Mr. Fox on May 27, 2009, 01:45:21 PM
I wish that I had lips like my avatar.

Granted: They're in a glass case on your wall.

I wish I could change from male-bodied to female-bodied at will.

Hey, I made that wish earlier in this thread!  Granted, but you can only turn into an ugly man or woman.

I wish that I had telekinetic powers.

Quote from: Mr. Fox on May 27, 2009, 02:17:56 PM
Granted, but you can only turn into an ugly man or woman.

Well, I've already got the ugly man part.

Granted, but it only works underwater, and you cant swim.

I wish I could as much as I wanted, and not get fat.

Granted.  No matter how much you eat, you lose a pound every day.  This seems good at first, but you worry as your weight sinks to dangerously low levels.  Eventually you disappear.

I wish that I weren't out of cookies.

Granted, your home is now filled to the roof with cookies, but there's no room for you.

I wish I could stop worrying about Peak Oil and the eventual fall of society, and just live my life...

Granted, you no longer worry about oil, or the fall of society, but you find life as a Goldfish to be unstimulating.

I wish I had a new dress.

Granted, but it doesn't fit.

I wish they made special compression vest swim suit tops for FTM's.

Granted, but you live in the Sahara Desert with no water, much less a pool in sight.

I wish I could fall asleep instead of another sleepless night... 

Granted... you also get hit by flying debris when the RPG goes off, and wake up at the same time... and while you laughing at the poop in my pants, Im picking your pocket for your wallet! 

I wish there werent so many Steven Segal B movies on TV at 3am...

Granted, but you only fall asleep 5 minutes before your alarm clock goes off.

I wish I could breath underwater.

Quote from: Virginia Marie on May 28, 2009, 03:23:57 AM
I wish my old BDUs didn't make such great gardening pants and I could work in the garden in a sundress and pumps 

Granted, but the dress and pumps get ruined.

Quote from: Feever on May 28, 2009, 06:19:40 AM
I wish I could breath underwater.

Granted, you undergo surgery to give you gills, so you can breath underwater...but you can never again return to the surface world.

I wish that I would win the lottery so I could pay off my debt.

You win the lottery and pay off all your debt, which takes all your winnings.  But you forget to pay the taxes on your winnings and the IRS takes everything.

I wish I was 20 years younger.

Granted, but you look way older than you are, and you have some horrible disease that shortens your life expectancy by 20 years, so it was all pretty much pointless.

I wish I didn't have to come out to my section in band.

Quote from: Mr. Fox on May 28, 2009, 04:32:29 PM
I wish I didn't have to come out to my section in band.

Granted: you have to come out to all the other sections instead.

I wish my knees didn't hurt.

Granted, your knees no longer hurt, you hate your kneepads.

I wish I was blonde.

Granted, but everyone in the world including you is blind, so you can't enjoy it.

I wish I didn't have homework.

Granted, you dont have homework.  Today.  Tomorrow you have twice as much.

I wish cows gave chocolate milk.

Granted a herd of cattle will show up at your door soon handing out chocolate treats, and leave "chocolate cowpies" in your yard.

I wish that a large suitcase filled with $100 bills would show up on my doorstep.