Well my SO and I have been together for about 7.5 months. She has just started therapy like 2 months ago, so she's still in the early stages of transition. When I first found out about the transition, I was a little worried of what the future might hold, and I was very confused/scared/nervous all at once, but she reassured me that it would be okay, and after a lot of thinking, and giving it time to sink in, I'm totally fine with the transition. I still worry a bit at times, but I think that is mostly caused because I have generalized anxiety disorder quite severely, and even though I've gotten it somewhat under control throughout the years, I'm on high doses of anti anxiety medicine, and I still worry about things more than I should.

So what I'm really concerned about right now is, I think we may be drifting apart. I think one big problem is that we both live in different states (me in Ohio, she in Oklahoma) but I've always had fun just chatting or even just sitting on webcams just looking at her, even if we didn't talk much. I always loved just knowing that we were both there for each other, and ready to take care of the other's worries. It's just the comfort of knowing that they're there, and it's like we're in the same room, even though we may be miles apart. I think that once we can be together and actually go out and do things, everything will be much better, but I'm not sure she feels the same way. We do have different interests, but I think there's a lot of things that we could share together. She likes scary movies, and they kind of freak me out, so I don't watch them, but I think that as long as we were together cuddled up on the couch or something watching them, and I felt secure holding onto her and her onto me, I think I would be okay. I don't know for sure, but I'd be more than willing to give it a try. She also likes RPG video games, and wants me to play them with her, but I'm not good at them and my character ends up getting killed all the time, and it's frustrating to me when I don't know what i'm doing and I can't really do anything in the game. So it's not really fun for me to play over the internet with her, 'cause I just get frustrated and don't know what to do. But, if she would help me and we could play together, and she could teach me what to do so I could actually play the game, it might be a bit more fun, but I don't know if she sees it that way. Those are the two big issues I think.

What I'm really trying to say is, I really don't want to lose her. When we're not together every night like we had been for 7 months, I just don't feel like me anymore, I feel like a part of me is missing. I can't see myself spending a life with anyone but her. I know we may have differences and the distance thing doesn't help, and we may fight sometimes, but I really think we could have a perfect life together. I feel she brings out the best in me, and all day while I'm at school or work, I'm thinking about her and I can't wait to come home and have her come home and us have a fun night together. I don't want to give that up, I don't want us to get to that point where we don't want to be together anymore. I honestly love her with all my heart, and these past 7 or so months, I've been the happiest I've been in a long time.

I know the transition is going to be a long and sometimes quite hard road, but I want to be the one that will be holding her hand the whole way and supporting her through everything, but she has to want that too, and I don't know what she wants, and I'm not even sure she knows what she wants right now.

I just don't know what to do right now, we haven't been able to talk for a few days because of internet problems, first with mine, then with hers, and these past few days I just feel empty and I want to be able to talk to her again.

I need all the help/advise/support/anything I can get right now, and I think this place is the best place to look for it.

Hey!! First of all way to go for suporting her!! I'm married to my SO i'm only 22..

I think that communication is best. I met Adrianna online and let me tell you the distance was hard. But the sooner you spend some together time face to face things will change it will get deeper. Thats a great thing. I too have the same problems with video games. Luckly now i am a watcher. She plays i watch and i love it When i play any games i put the cheats on FULL lol.

Again just talk to her let her know what your thinking and how your feeling. But also get to where she is somehow. Just so that you can feel it deeper than over the web. Trust me it will make you feel soo much better.

Adrianna still hasnt gone through transition but its starting now and its a new chapter in our lives. Its only pulled us together. It will pull you together. Stay involved but not to intrusive. Learn as much as you can online and such to help out.

A question for you is how did you figure out about your anxiety problem. I worry constantly and I guess its never been something i thought to bring to my DR's attention...it drives Adrianna up the wall because i worry about everything!!! >.<

anyway stay strong and i'm here if you ever need to talk. Seems like we are in the same boat!

Quote from: phantom_heart on June 10, 2009, 09:10:18 PM
Hey!! First of all way to go for suporting her!! I'm married to my SO i'm only 22..

I think that communication is best. I met Adrianna online and let me tell you the distance was hard. But the sooner you spend some together time face to face things will change it will get deeper. Thats a great thing. I too have the same problems with video games. Luckly now i am a watcher. She plays i watch and i love it When i play any games i put the cheats on FULL lol.

Again just talk to her let her know what your thinking and how your feeling. But also get to where she is somehow. Just so that you can feel it deeper than over the web. Trust me it will make you feel soo much better.

Adrianna still hasnt gone through transition but its starting now and its a new chapter in our lives. Its only pulled us together. It will pull you together. Stay involved but not to intrusive. Learn as much as you can online and such to help out.

A question for you is how did you figure out about your anxiety problem. I worry constantly and I guess its never been something i thought to bring to my DR's attention...it drives Adrianna up the wall because i worry about everything!!! >.<

anyway stay strong and i'm here if you ever need to talk. Seems like we are in the same boat!

Wow thanks for the quick reply! I'm glad to hear I'm not alone, and there are other people in very similar situations. I do think that being together, and being able to hold the other person close will make it feel all the more real , and I'm glad to know that it most likely will help us out!

It's also great to hear that transition pulled you two together, I was thinking that would be the rocky part. How far along is Adrianna in her transition if you don't mind me asking?

As far as how I figured out I had an anxiety problem, well I had a hard time in school, I would always worry about what was going to happen at school, or what would happen to my family when I wasn't with them, always worried that something might go wrong. It had been going on from pre-school, and I had always been shy, but finally, my  fifth grade teacher suggested talking to a psychiatrist, thinking there may be more to it than just not wanting to go to school. So my mom made me an appointment, and after a few sessions, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I've been on and off of different pills ever since! LOL

If you think your worry might be more than the normal, it couldn't hurt to at least talk to someone. Maybe talk to your doctor to see if they know of anyone that could help you, like a psychiatrist or psychologist or something, I'm not really sure where you go to find someone, LOL. Even just having someone to talk to and help you cope with the worries can be a big help!

I'm dealing with the exact same thing right now.. distance is so difficult.  Across an ocean, for me.  I wish I was in a better place to offer comfort.. but I will say this.  You don't drift apart from someone in just a few days. And if you [both of you] want to be together strongly enough, you will be.  Nothing will keep you apart.  It's okay to have unique interests, that keeps things interesting.  Who wants to date their clone?

I've had anxiety issues before.  It sort of ebbs and flows, like mood swings do.  What helps is to just keep reminding myself of how illogical my thought process is at those times.. over and over until I'm convinced that being anxious is a waste of time. Chocolate helps too.  And music.  Dancing.  Anything active and physical, really.  Hiking is an awesome mind clearer.

Quote from: TamTam on June 10, 2009, 10:11:33 PM
I'm dealing with the exact same thing right now.. distance is so difficult.  Across an ocean, for me.  I wish I was in a better place to offer comfort.. but I will say this.  You don't drift apart from someone in just a few days. And if you [both of you] want to be together strongly enough, you will be.  Nothing will keep you apart.  It's okay to have unique interests, that keeps things interesting.  Who wants to date their clone?

I've had anxiety issues before.  It sort of ebbs and flows, like mood swings do.  What helps is to just keep reminding myself of how illogical my thought process is at those times.. over and over until I'm convinced that being anxious is a waste of time. Chocolate helps too.  And music.  Dancing.  Anything active and physical, really.  Hiking is an awesome mind clearer.

I do agree, you don't want to date your clone! You need someone that will help you to try new things! It keeps things new and interesting!

I know we can't drift apart totally in just a few days, but it's been slowly happening for a few weeks now, and I worry that it's just going to keep getting worse and never get any better. The last thing I want to do is lose her.

Is there anything you can do to stop the drifting? Talking less often doesn't necessarily have to lead to drift, if the time you do have together is well spent.  You can write letters and send care packages in between talking..

Quote from: colormyworld on June 11, 2009, 12:08:55 AM
[...]
I know we can't drift apart totally in just a few days, but it's been slowly happening for a few weeks now, and I worry that it's just going to keep getting worse and never get any better. The last thing I want to do is lose her.

As a "veteran" of long distance relationships with a fiancee currently on the other side of the planet, I completely understand your concerns.

LDR's are hard - they test the strength of any bond.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing, by the way, because weaknesses in a relationship that you would otherwise be blind to are fairly swiftly exposed.

When one is in love, especially when separated by distance and missing the other, it's oh so easy to think everything is perfect and to feel a stomach-twisting angst that something will go wrong.

Communication is key.  I realize that online is cheap but LDR's are like fragile houseplants - they need constant attention to stop them withering.  If that means spending some money on a phone call, then do it!

If, however, you still feel a drift when you talk, then sorry but that's the cold truth starting to gnaw at your consciousness...probably hers too.

Unlike an infatuation or a crush, falling in love is almost always accompanied by feelings of "wow, this is the one...all my heart is hers" etc..  Well yeah, that's what happens when you fall in love.  Who on earth falls in love and thinks "meh, whatever"? 

It sounds trite but experience has taught me (very painfully sometimes) that if it is meant to be, it will be.  It really is that simple, even if it sucks sometimes.

All that said - make the effort.  Use the phone if you can't talk online, save up for a visit...do everything you can, so that if it ultimately doesn't work out, at least you know it wasn't for lack of trying.

Colormyworld, I have read your post and I am very sorry to here your problem, first of all I want to say thank you for sharing this with us, it must be quite difficult for you. Its quite funny in the fact that aprt from the transitioning you have quite a normal relationship. My partner and I like different films and I like gaming she doesnt, but we love each other and have other things in common.

It sounds like you really love each other and as such deserves effort and understanding, you both may have to compramise some how. When my partner and I are having troubles we use SMS to air our views but have you ever thorght about sending a letter in SNAIL MAIL, theres nothing like picking up that peice of paper with I love you on it.

Take care and good luck..

Quote from: Lucy on June 11, 2009, 01:51:13 AM
Colormyworld, I have read your post and I am very sorry to here your problem, first of all I want to say thank you for sharing this with us, it must be quite difficult for you. Its quite funny in the fact that aprt from the transitioning you have quite a normal relationship. My partner and I like different films and I like gaming she doesnt, but we love each other and have other things in common.

It sounds like you really love each other and as such deserves effort and understanding, you both may have to compramise some how. When my partner and I are having troubles we use SMS to air our views but have you ever thorght about sending a letter in SNAIL MAIL, theres nothing like picking up that peice of paper with I love you on it.

Take care and good luck..

I know I really love her, and I'm willing to do anything I can to make her happy.

Quote from: colormyworld on June 11, 2009, 02:58:49 AM
I know I really love her, and I'm willing to do anything I can to make her happy.

then tell her...

Hey! Adrianna is in the first stages. Counseling and such. She's also out to her family who support her. She dresses like a woman only sometimes but she'll be stepping out for the first time at the Pride parade in Toronto. I'm so excited.

My sister is a lesbian and is coming with us im excited.

Also thanks for the tips. I've always worried about everything. I always thought there was pills just for the panic part. Not the worry part.  I think Adrianna thinks i need to inject the stuff into my veins. LOL i guess i do worry to much.

Quote from: phantom_heart on June 11, 2009, 06:39:46 AM
Hey! Adrianna is in the first stages. Counseling and such. She's also out to her family who support her. She dresses like a woman only sometimes but she'll be stepping out for the first time at the Pride parade in Toronto. I'm so excited.

Ah, that's about where Em is, too! I can only hope things will start looking up from here on between Em and I! Have fun at pride! I've secretly wanted to go to pride for a few years now (even before I met Em) and just be a supporter! heehee