Hi, I'm kinda new to all this, and finally dragging myself out of the shadows to talk.

I've been reading and searching for a way to help with the way I've felt, this discomfort in my own skin, this feeling that I should be different from how I am, I wish it would all just go away.  I want a way to stop the way I feel, I feel like I'm going crazy.

I just want to scream, I'm scared, angry and so confused, and I don't know what to do to stop the way I feel and I know it's getting worse.  I don't want all this, I don't want to have to deal with all this, I just wanted to be able to live my life and be happy with who or what I am.

I don't know if I'm just ranting or looking for people that share the same inner torture or what.  All I know is that I need to start talking or this will tear me apart even more than it always is.

How do you deal with this? Will it get better?

I try talking to others with a similar situation or try to occupy myself with things I like to do.  That does not always help though.  Can you give us a better description of how you feel and for how long?  Welcome to the forum.

Describing the feelings is hard for me, but it's mostly that the body I have doesn't match who I am on the inside, and all of the confusion, frustration and uncertainty that goes along with that.  As for how long?.. it's something I've known for a long time, years, but the facade I had built up to try and fit in has finally broken down and I can't figure out how to cope with it all. 

I guess that's the biggest thing, it's not like the old joke "my arm hurts when I do this.... then don't do that", I wish it were so simple

and thanks for the welcome

the only thing left for you to do is to either tell someone you know you can trust about your feelings until you are ready to come out or see a therapist.  I can't be of much help since I am a beginner and have not done the therapy thing either.  I will try to help the best I can.  Everyone is pretty nice here, so I am sure you will start to feel better once you communicate more and receive replies.  I wish you the best of luck in your journey.  Don't be shy about telling us how you feel. 

Hi SoShy,

Welcome to our little family. Over 2500 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks
  

Janet

Hey Soshy,

I use to be so very shy too.  Alas I'm more like Roxanna Troy from Star Trek TNG,  Just an outgoing girl now, sometime too over the top.

It can be pretty tough.  I know I tried for a long time to make that other person in my head go away,  the one that hated how I looked and kept wanting to come out. 

Alas I lost and won that battle.  Lost in that the inner me is now the outer me,  won because life is so much better now.

If you really want to stay as your birth sex,  Distractions always helped me.  IE focus on passtimes or hobbies will or may help keep thouse inner thoughts at bay.  Talk to a therapist. Oh, I have a friend (alternative healer type) who might help, but only if you were in northern CA. 

Coming out is not easy, though for some of us it was the only answer, no matter the cost.

Anyway, welcome to Susans and feel free to ask anything at all.  The guys and girls here have all been there before.

Beni

 I feel your pain SoShy. I've felt out of sorts for some time now, but am slowly realizing that something needs to give.

Read through the forums, you will learn alot. I have.

Thanks for your responses, I honestly don't know what I expected, but after reading what you had posted, I actually was having a hard time controlling my emotions.

I've suppressed everything for so long, that finally coming out and talking about it with people and getting an actually positive response, it's a bit overwhelming, I actually had tears starting.

I have no idea how far down this road is right for me, but I know fighting this and trying to remain as I am will only make me unhappier.  If I'm truly honest, I do want to change, I want things to get better, but I'm scared of opening up to people too. 

How can I know if this is right for me?  Is talking to a therapist the only way to find out? 

I'm so lost.

Yes a therapist is a good start.  But only you can really tell you how you feel.  They only help you get to that point.

Most of us here have always known the truth.  Transition isn't for the faint of heart.  It takes really commitment.  And not just the makeup, clothes ,STP's or anything else.  It is to admit the truth to yourself and then to accept it.  And then do something about that.

I lived for 54 years as a man and hated every damn moment.  I love my children and grand children as only a mother can.  Yes I am their Father, but I love them as their Mother.  Now is the time that I have always wanted and I only need GRS to complete the view I have of ME.

Is that all it takes. HELL NO.  It takes the last step of "This is who I am".  If the world isn't ready for me, then they need to stand aside, because here I come ready or not.

There are so many beautiful women here that I am very proud to call my sisters.  And a lot of hunks that I call my brothers.

QuoteHow can I know if this is right for me?

As I tell many people. you know if it is right, in your heart of hearts.  SCr** society, they don't have to live my life.  And if they can stand it, get the f out of my way.

Yes, I am in one of those moods that allows me to say these things.  To me, I am a one gorgeous woman and the world is damn lucky that I have decide that this is right for me.

I won't say anything more, because I am in a real bi***y mood.  Bring it now.

And if this gets me banned permanently, so be it.  I am in a really feisty mood.

Janet

Janet:

Ooohh baby, you are on fire tonight aren't you???  But if that were the only thing that could get us banned, then there would be a lot more echoes in this place!   

SoShy!

Welcome!  Janet already did the site rules and things, so we have that out of the way.

You are here, because you need to be here. (I borrow from Callahan's bar)

Yes, get thee to a therapist, pronto.  You'll need their help in sorting out your issues.  Make sure you find one who has background in gender identity issues.

But also realize, you already have the answers.  There is no objective test for transsexualism.  You are because you say you are.  Your therapist will spend a very short period of time confirming your beliefs.  The rest of the time will be spent helping you figure out what to do about it.  There are a lot of options and this can take a lot of time.  But you can find solace and some comfort pretty quickly just knowing that you are taking action.

Ugly duckling to swan, caterpillar to butterfly, nymph to dragonfly.  Perhaps they too feel the discordance between mind and body when it is time to change.  And they realize that the life they knew is over.

But so much is beginning!

Welcome, my sister!

-Sandy

Yeah I am, Sandy.  I am off work and having a couple of beers.  And  I am letting it all go.  I want so much to complete this transition.  I am so jealous of you girls that have completed the journey.  I just hope that our beloved Susan does not think I am over the line.

I really think that the new girls and guys need to be told that this isn't of the faint of heart.

Many of us are told that we are so braved to go forward.  But we are just being true to our selves and that is that.  You and I and many others are just a bunch of girls with some thing in common.  And that includes all the guys here.

I love all of my family, here.

Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on June 18, 2009, 09:08:21 PM
Yeah I am, Sandy.  I am off work and having a couple of beers.  And  I am letting it all go.  I want so much to complete this transition.  I am so jealous of you girls that have completed the journey.  I just hope that our beloved Susan does not think I am over the line.

I really think that the new girls and guys need to be told that this isn't of the faint of heart.

Many of us are told that we are so braved to go forward.  But we are just being true to our selves and that is that.  You and I and many others are just a bunch of girls with some thing in common.  And that includes all the guys here.

I love all of my family, here.

Janet

And we love you too, hon!  And if I had that magic wand, you would be the first one I would *twang* with it.  But remember, one day this will all be in your past.  Have faith.

No, it isn't for the faint of heart, also it is a one way ticket.  But so is running out of a burning building.  And that is what so many of us feel that we are doing.  I think on some level everyone who comes here, and stays here, realizes that, but perhaps we should make it part of the welcome message too.

-Sandy

Thanks, Sandy.  And that is why this is my family.  And I may get very jealous of all the girls that get to go to the gods of SRS, but one day it will be "OMG, Janet has gotten there".

Janet

Sandy, I have to admit, I think your right, I'm here because I need to be here, or I'd be trying to talk about this somewhere else. 

I wish I had the strength and fire that you show Janet, I really admire the ability to look at adversity like that and just keep on going, I'm not sure how well I'll be able to handle that.

I know this isn't for the faint of heart, I'm just nervous, like you said, it is a one way thing, and before jumping into this, I guess, I'm trying to make sure I'm ready for it all.

SoShy,

There comes a time in everyone's life that they have to given to the self desires.  It is the only way that one can survive. And yes I can be a real b***h about this thing called transition.  I am almost a radical about it.  Especially when it comes the the Christain Riech.

The only thing that you can do is to go into it fully and without any reservations.

Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on June 18, 2009, 09:46:13 PM
SoShy,

The only thing that you can do is to go into it fully and without any reservations.

Janet

I called it stepping into the abyss.  Scary as hell, but staying put was worse.

-Sandy

It's not easy being green, Er that is trans.  But as with every journey it's done a step at a time.  Coming to terms with ones self being one of the first steps.  Lucky it is a SLOWWWWW process so there is time to back out if you find that your not TS or not ready.

It's not an easy path, but for some it is the only path.  Lucky us.

Janet, girl you are Getting there.  Your looking good, hon.  Yes I wanted it bad too, but it will come.  Just think you have that first dialation to look forward too.  When the packing come out and you see your new parts for the first time and say to yourself,  "OMG that looks pretty bad".  Plus the folly removal is always fun ;-) 

Sandy, Love the new look.  You go girl.

Beni   

Quote from: Beni on June 18, 2009, 09:55:16 PM

When the packing come out and you see your new parts for the first time and say to yourself,  "OMG that looks pretty bad".  Plus the folly removal is always fun ;-) 

Sandy, Love the new look.  You go girl.

Beni

Dr Bowers calls it the "Franken-pussy", and it does kind of look like that.

And having had both, having your foley removed as a girl is a LOT easier than when you have all that plumbing!

Thanks for the compliment, Beni.  The company insisted on a new picture for the bio so they sent me to the advertising group for some head shots.  This is the one I chose.  I like it.

-Sandy

Shouldn't that be "Bride of Franken-pussy" ;-)

OMG.  I so want to be that "Bride of Franken-pussy", please gods, please.

Janet

---

Post Merge: June 18, 2009, 10:21:23 PM

---

Really. I don't care if it looked like WTF is that?  As long as it doesn't look like "THAT">

Janet