Getitng Ma'amed Without Getting Glammed

Alyssa M. · June 26, 2009, 12:20:11 AM

Oh, dear!

It is supposed by me that how "injuries" were "incurred" would best not be revealed, as indicated by the use of the passive voice.

V M · June 26, 2009, 01:26:20 AM

Quote from: Courtney on June 25, 2009, 02:35:50 PM
It seems like I get ma'amed more often when I am dressed down. If I go out in a tank top and jeans It's like every person I talk to ma'ams me at first but if I'm wearing a dress they noticed something is off about me. It probably has something to do with being way more paranoid about people and there reactions to me when I'm trying.

Yeah, it's weird, huh? It seems like the less I try, the more ma'amed I get. Unless I grow out a full beard or something. something I've never been able to do anyway.

heatherrose · June 26, 2009, 03:41:31 AM

I've told this story a few times before, if you will indulge me I will tell it again.

Passing has nothing to do with the PERFECT application of make up or the most
devine outfit. It has everything to do with owning the ground you stand on and your
resolve to exist even though the world would rather that you wither up and die.

Before I was able to have the pic on my drivers licience retaken, my roomate
reminded me that she needed me to make a return at a hardware store. I had
been working in the yard wearing bibs, a t-shirt and chuka boots, sans make-up.
I didn't have time for the public presentation routine. I just knew I looked like crapola
on a stick. I said @#$% it and trudged down there, steeling myself for the humiliation
that I was in for. In the course of the return, the girl behind the counter asked to see
my ID. She handed it back to me and said,"No Maam, I need to see your id." After
catching my breath and careful consideration, I handed it back to her and
said,with a smile, "Sweety, that is my ID." I floated out of the store.

I've come to realize that it wasn't untill I stopped putting so
much emphasis on HOW I LOOKED and became comfortable
with WHO I AM that I was .........."PASSABLE"

V M · June 26, 2009, 04:27:00 AM

Owning the ground you stand on

Would it be safe to assume that you are talking about a person accepting themselves and taking confidence in the person that there are?

heatherrose · June 26, 2009, 04:37:56 AM

Quote from: Virginia Marie on June 26, 2009, 04:27:00 AM...you are talking about a person accepting themselves and taking confidence in the person that there are?

Yes, If you prefer "the less wordy approach".

xsocialworker · June 26, 2009, 09:40:32 AM

In Florida, it seems most young and youngish women wear dresses and heels just to go to the mall. I know lots of Lesbians and older women who don't, but in this heat, most seem to wear sundresses.

heatherrose · June 26, 2009, 09:55:01 AM

Quote from: heatherrose on June 25, 2009, 08:59:36 PM

"Three women are walking down the street.
Which one wasn't born female?

The one wearing the dress."

Quote from: heatherrose on June 26, 2009, 03:41:31 AM
Passing has nothing to do with the PERFECT application of make up or the most
devine outfit. It has everything to do with owning the ground you stand on and your
resolve to exist even though the world would rather that you wither up and die.

Quote from: xsocialworker on June 26, 2009, 09:40:32 AM...most seem to wear sundresses.

"When in Rome do as the Romans do."

...and "own the ground you stand on"

Tammy Hope · June 27, 2009, 07:51:10 PM

HeatherRose - I love you sig and I'm going to steal it to use on another board. Seger is THE man to me!

K8 · June 30, 2009, 11:11:35 AM

Quote from: xsocialworker on June 26, 2009, 09:40:32 AM
In Florida, it seems most young and youngish women wear dresses and heels just to go to the mall. I know lots of Lesbians and older women who don't, but in this heat, most seem to wear sundresses.

I live in a town where you can walk around for two weeks before seeing anyone in a skirt. When I went to a convention last week, I took the opportunity to wear skirts several days. A lesbian friend who was there from another city told me I'll never pass as a lesbian because I was dressing too well.

I got ma'amed a lot - in jeans and skirts, made up and bare-faced - so things are going well.

Quote from: heatherrose on June 26, 2009, 09:55:01 AM

...and "own the ground you stand on"

And that, in just six words, is the secret to passing.

- Kate

FairyGirl · June 30, 2009, 11:22:28 AM

Quote from: heatherrose on June 26, 2009, 09:55:01 AM

...and "own the ground you stand on"

Quote from: K8 on June 30, 2009, 11:11:35 AMAnd that, in just six words, is the secret to passing.

- Kate

Absolutely. I think it's my new mantra

Maddie Secutura · June 30, 2009, 02:01:22 PM

This is my mentality and it really helps me out: I don't want to pass anymore than a gg passes. Passing isn't an issue when you just go about your business like you're supposed to. Passing almost makes it sound like I'm trying to sneak around and fool people which is decidedly not the case. It reminds me of a story about a guy in a POW camp in Germany during WWII. He apparently had gotten a large pot of soup from the kitchen (i think he somehow made friends with a cook or something like that) but he was attempting to keep to the shadows on his way back to the barracks. Then the guards spotted him with their searchlight. First of all prisoners weren't supposed to be out at this time of night nor were they supposed to have a bunch of food. So the prisoner took a gamble and just kept walking like that's what he was supposed to be doing. The guards didn't question it and he made off with the soup. The moral of the story is to not be worried and people won't question you.

Naturally Blonde · July 03, 2009, 05:41:25 AM

Topic: Getitng Ma'amed Without Getting Glammed

Why do you have to get Glammed in order to get ma'amed?

I get called darling if I answer the door to the mailman first thing in the morning in my pajamas.

V M · July 04, 2009, 01:21:54 AM

I was feeling a bit down. Thinking I look ugly

I went to a holiday dinner party. Some women there commented that I was very attractive. This lifted my spirits some, but I couldn't help but wonder if they were just blowing smoke up my skirt to make me feel better. But then at the supermarket today I was leaning over to look at some prices on stuff. I felt something go pat-pat on my rear

I looked about and a group of guys walked by saying "Hey Momma" and "Likin' that Booootay". Granted, they looked half my age and I didn't find them attractive. But then I noticed that guys my age were checkin' me out. They were just more subtle about it

heatherrose · July 04, 2009, 02:03:46 AM

Are we so wrapped up in our inner dialog,
~Am I passing? I shuda wore... Don't stand like that...~
that we're not noticing these types of things?
If we had the confidence of our conviction that the world
can go play by itself, stopped second guessing ourselves
and poked our heads out of our shells, we'd probably notice
(shockingly) either, no one is paying attention to us or
there might be a few "checking us out".

V M · July 04, 2009, 02:45:22 AM

Yeah, sometimes I am a bit of a tortoise. Other times I'm more of an Iguana smiling in the sun

I actually don't think about passing all too often. I was just noticing the various scars and signs of age. Girls like to feel pretty. At least this one does. I don't need allot of attention. But it does feel good when someone notices me in a positive way

heatherrose · July 04, 2009, 04:12:00 AM

Quote from: Virginia Marie on July 04, 2009, 02:45:22 AM
...Other times I'm more of an Iguana smiling in the sun ...
just noticing the various scars and signs of age. Girls like to feel pretty.
But it does feel good when someone notices me in a positive way

I don't ever remember seeing your picture before,
Pretty, you should keep this up as your avitar.
Not really seeing the Iguana, Doll.
The scars and wrinkles aren't quite that bad.

~~Every~~ Most girls enjoy a little special attention.
A simple kind word can make my week so I try to take
every chance I can to pass along an honest word of kindness.

heatherrose · July 04, 2009, 03:38:13 PM

Quote from: Dee_pntx on July 04, 2009, 02:27:23 PM...I am really amazed at how well I'm progressing in my presentation.

First off Doll, make no excuses, EVERYONE needs ice cream.

Secondly, I've seen poo and your NOT poo.

Play your horn loud and proud, GURFREN

You've kept up the payments and you now

"Own The Ground You Stand On"!

Tammy Hope · July 04, 2009, 03:55:22 PM

QuoteI had to go wee so I went to the ladies room (of course) and it was busy in there. Lots of women in and out. No one batted an eyelash at me. Even exchanged smiles with a few of em. No problems at all. Zero.

this provokes a bit of curiosity for me. Do you still live in the same area and shop at the same stores you did before transition? That is, is there a decent chance that the check-out girl or the other person in the aisle or in the bathroom is someone who knew you before?

One of the things that has crossed my mind is that if I don't have a chance to move before i get to the 24/7 stages, that this little town is small enough that everyone in town will know who I was and what's going on - and so going to the little girls room can never be an anonymous thing.
Thus the potential for the un-accepting to protest.

heatherrose · July 04, 2009, 03:56:03 PM

I fired up the "Wayback Machine" and retrieved this "Golden Oldie"

Quote from: Dee_pntx on July 17, 2007, 02:01:38 AMWithout FFS I'll never be able to go full time.
And no full time, no SRS.. So, it's a no brainer for me.

So, who did your FFS?

Alyssa M. · July 04, 2009, 04:47:49 PM

I went climbing yesterday with a good climbing partner that I haven't seen much since he moved to another part of the state recently. I was annoyed that I still have to present male. This is actually a major block to going full-time. You need to be completely present when climbing, and worrying about how you look just has no place. If I want to go full-time, I need to be able to present credibly female with no makeup, wearing cargo pants, trail shoes, a helmet, and a Gore-tex rain jacket.

My partner told me I looked "like a tomboy." Well, that's what I am.

I'm getting more "ma'am"-s and "miss"-es in less overtly feminine presentation as time goes on. Alas, I still rely on the engineering marvels of the Victoria's Secret company, but at least it's getting to be less work, even in just the alst few weeks. So, yay, increasing confidence!

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Getitng Ma'amed Without Getting Glammed

xsocialworker