I have always championed communication, honesty, and forthrightness between couples who are in some form of relationship, and of course just in general. I have also strongly emphasized the need for compromise as part of any transition that would see a relationship continue.
This was brought home to me this past week and it saw a huge change to our lives. Gill and I have been together for 33 years, and she has stood by my side throughout my transition and all the events prior to it. Last week saw a turning point in our relationship that saw us break up and decide to go our separate ways. This all happened at the supper table in a matter of minutes.
I have never cried so much in all my life. Gill needed to be free from the turmoil, needed her life back. The next morning was quiet to say the least. We each went our own separate ways to work and we would discuss what our next steps were. We knew we would have to sell our beautiful 2 year old house in the country and each look for apartments. But that is all we discussed.
During the day, work was awful. I just couldn't concentrate. But in the afternoon Gill phoned me as asked how I was doing. I told her "not good" and she went on to tell me that she had a long talk with her girlfriend about us and what had transpired but her girlfriends words persuaded her to give us a second chance (I won't go into what they were).
That evening we sat and discussed what Gill needs, and it boiled down to us selling our wonderful house in the country and moving into an apartment or condo in Kingston, and we would take it from there. In Kingston she would be close to family and friends and she would not feel so isolated and trapped as she did in the country. So that's what we did, there is a for sale sign on the front lawn now.
Then some good news. As I spoke about in another post, Gill got a call from our daughter J saying that she would be coming for a visit on Sunday. This completely changed our mood, finally J is willing to me and be at our home, gosh it's been almost a year since I saw her last.
Last Monday, Gill, her mom, and J were driving to the casino and Gill mentioned to J our situation and what had transpired, to which J replied that "why don't we buy your house and you can rent our condo". Gill and I had talked about that as well but were afraid to mention it to J. So that's what we are doing, J and her husband are buying our house and we are going to rent their condo. A great solution that will work for us both. Another benefit of this is that J and her husband came up to the house on Saturday and Sunday to visit, so I got to see J more than I expected
Yep we had to sacrifice. While I fully expected to live and die with Gill in our new home when it comes down to it, it's only sticks and bricks, and being together is the most important thing right now. We have agreed that we will do this for a year and see how it goes. Yep it takes compromises on everyone's part to make a relationship last, sometimes it hurts but it beats the pain of separation.
Steph
