I met her playing the online game Everquest. I had grouped one of her characters, me playing my level 30ish ogre shadowknight. I was the tank and puller, so that meant I would go out, find something for our group to kill, shoot it with a arrow (that I had crafted and made for myself) then bring it back to the awaiting group. I had more life then the other members, stronger armor, and could make them mad and hold their attention.

We had such a good time, she invited me into your gaming group (called a guild: Legacy of Twilight). It was the 2nd one I had joined (joined one two or so weeks before then with another character).  I was very quiet for several months, just doing my own little things. I finally grouped with the leaders a few times. They were very social and talkative. When I did meet, I for some reason fluirted with her. She had sort of a tough, in your face personality. I became an officer at some point, after I  had a few buffing station recruiting events that I planned and lead.

Eventually things changed, and part of the group wanted to split off and start their own thing. I was one of the main persons in the splinter, but quickly left from even that into my own exploration of several other guilds. Eventually I came back. Then the guild combined with another large one. This created large problems. I lead a revolt this time and broke off and lead my own, with us retaking the Legacy of Twilight name again.

Soon after this I got involved  in several relationships. After a explosive interaction with her, we started hanging out together. Then we started talking on the phone. Then we used yahoo to talk all day.

I remember playing female characters with her sometimes. During one of these times I mentioned how I wore female clothes.

She asked if I would ever get a sex change, and I knew that I might do hormones, live as a women, or even get breast implants. I told her these things. I told her I wasnt transsexual but intergender. How I liked my lower parts and wouldnt go through surgery since that was part of the male that I felt was a part of me. She showed me several photos of women with breasts and asked how big I would get, and I told her what was sufficient for me. I showed her a pic of me in girl mode.

She said she had never meet someone like me, though her exhusband had crossdressed on her honeymoon (and never did it again when she laughed at it). She didnt know how she would feel with someone like me.

We continued to talk every day.

She invited me to move in with her, even just as a roomate if romance didnt work out. I drove from Seattle to Mississippi in two days (driving all day) with a short stop in colorado.

I didnt show her my girl mode until about 4 or 5 months after I got here. She said she wondered what I was like. After I finally showed her, it seemed like she was relieved. After I had brought it into the open, I felt free to be with her like that often sometimes.

We have been together through many events, hurricane katrina, her son in iraq getting shot, and her other son getting put in jail twice. 

3 years  since I moved here, and things keep going on.

Hello Kendra.

It seems you have found your soul mate.

Steph

Kendra,

I agree with Steph.  I too think you found your soulmate.  Congratulations!   

Shannon

whoops..

I didnt mean to put the message across that I had found my soulmate. I dont believe in soulmates. My experience was more trying to show how honest I had tried to be before moving and being with her. The prior relationships I had been in, I had not been honest and forward with. The one prior relationship I had been in, she was not told until much later. We probably wouldn't have got together had she known this first. Even if it would have, telling her later had betrayed her trust and things could never fix themselves after that. My original thoughts at the time with my first relationship were that my personality was the same and that she would maybe accept me because I felt I was the same person. This did not happen.

This time with my current partner, I didnt want to make that mistake, especially with something as important as my gender identity.

As for the relationship, we have had our ups and downs. Some major things. My gender identity hasnt been a factor, unlike my last relationship.

I would go so far as to say now, that any transgender person should never get together with a partner without their knowledge of their transgenderness and knowing how far you would go. From what I have read in other posts and many websites, similar things happen. Had I had the internet back then, and knew how relationships go with deceptions of gender, I wouldn't have done it I dont think. Back at that time however was pre internet and I did not know about other's experiences.

I dont believe in soulmates. Rather in compatible personalities, shared interests, laws of attractions, sexual compatibility, trust, honesty, romantic efforts, actions to promote honest relationship, and just some plain random luck.

If a transgender out their is thinking of making a major move in a relationship with someone, that doesnt know of whats inside of you and what will come out, its wrong and a major deception to yourself and partner. Even with their prior knowledge, things are going to be tough enough. With all the efforts to have transgender (any on the polarity, spectrum, continuum, or spheres) become more socially accepted, honesty before relationships, and removing the deception, I believe has to happen in a broad community wide way. That is in my opinion, what one of the key elements must be in order for this to happen.

Quote from: wickham_kendra on August 15, 2006, 08:41:00 AM
I dont believe in soulmates. Rather in compatible personalities, shared interests, laws of attractions, sexual compatibility, trust, honesty, romantic efforts, actions to promote honest relationship, and just some plain random luck.

Don't forget about similar values.  When I was in highschool, I had to take a class and one of the things they taught was about interpersonal relationships and the people who tended to best match, had close matches in 3 categories:
Personality - People with similar or at least compatible personalities
Interests - People who share similar interest.
Values - Both people who share a set of common values about everything.

Melissa