I've been transgendered (MtF) for about three years but I hid it for almost all my life, living in a Christian house-hold...Being what I am, doesn't go down well with my family, but my family is small and we don't really talk, the people I live with are: My sister Corie (FtM), my mom Michelle (Anti) and my dead Grandma's husband...Berry (Indifferent).

When I told my mom about being transgendered, she didn't believe me and thought, "It would just be a phase", fast-forward to a year later! And my mom lets me wear make-up, have long hair and wear skinny jeans...At High School, I get teased, made fun of...The typical! I don't give a rat's ->-bleeped-<- though...My mom says that me and my sister Corie are bad for the family and that were going to be beaten up.

Today, August 14, 2009: 12:15 P.M., I am in tears, my make-up is everywhere and I look like I am dead, I am depressed and my sister is also...And we've even thought about suicide! But you may ask what in the world could cause this?

Today I was going to wear a green ball-gown dress to school today but right before we were about to leave. My mom yelled at me and said, that I can't go to school like that, that people would stare at her and I could get beat up. I didn't care but she did, she slammed doors, yelled at me and my Sister Corie, she then told me i'm not going to school today as she told me, "If someone beats you up and kill you, I am not going to your funeral!"

As she slams the house door and goes to work, leaving me and my sister Corie crying in tears, while she goes off to work. Fast-forward again two hours and my mom's boy-friend Kevin knocks on the door, I am in my room sleeping and when Corie opens the door he comes in and yells at her, I wake up from his screaming and come out...He then yells at me, as I sit at the kitchen table, he says I made our mom cry, that I should wait to be a adult before I do what I do, that I will always be a man, no man would ever accept or love me, that girls have boobs and a pussy...And then he even threatened to hit me and said "Your pissing me off so much, I'm about to hit you!"

By now, I'm screaming, Corie is quiet and then I tell him...That she made me cry by hurting my feelings, not accepting me and by saying really hateful things. I then tell him that why should I hide who I am, I should be who I am at all times, this is America and I have my freedom to be me! Then I told him about surgrey, I also told him about my celibacy, finally I tell him that, "Just because I don't have boobs the size of Texas doesn't make me or anyone else who is flat-chested even more or less of a girl."

After almost hitting me and yelling at both of us, he slams the door and leaves, after crying for about ten more minutes, I call my mom and told her about how he threatened to hit me and everything and all she said was, "Whatever...", as she hangs up the phone.

Fast-forward for the last time and I am searching for comfort and to make this pain go away and I find Susan's. As that leads me to what I am telling you now.

Pics of me in the dress:





Random photo of me:



After the event:



It's funny how you can be happy in the morning and a few hours pass by and everything is wrong...

Your mother's fears are valid. While I don't think they are entirely based in concern for you, the things she is saying aren't completely out of line. Could you and she perhaps reach a compromise of some sorts? I know it isn't fair to you to have to compromise but meh, it sounds like your'e stuck with her for a while.

Quote from: Becca on August 14, 2009, 03:10:49 PM
Your mother's fears are valid. While I don't think they are entirely based in concern for you, the things she is saying aren't completely out of line. Could you and she perhaps reach a compromise of some sorts? I know it isn't fair to you to have to compromise but meh, it sounds like your'e stuck with her for a while.

Two more years! =[

Quote from: Inphyy on August 14, 2009, 02:50:12 PM. . . that I should wait to be a adult before I do what I do . . .
It's funny how you can be happy in the morning and a few hours pass by and everything is wrong...

Everything is not *wrong*, I agree you look great, but as a parent myself boy-friend is right in that if your still living at home and yer "authorities" disapprove then you need to *just chill* for awhile, at least until yer 18 when they can legally *throw you out*! 

Not intended as legal advise but I've have been thru the mill myself lately (see "wife" other thread) so take it for what it's worth!

Cheers & Good Luck, Kiera

The fear of you being picked on, yelled at, beat up, seriously injured, or even raped and killed is legitimate on her part, but it doesn't justify her being hateful towards you and your decisions. I see it more as her lashing out at you because of her own fear and not knowing what else to do. Regardless as to whether or not parents agree with their children's decisions, they still love us and want to protect us.

My advice: (yes, I know advice is a dangerous thing to give, but here goes) try to find some compromise. Sit down and try to talk to her about how you feel, and what you understand about the dangers associated with being yourself. Make sure she knows you're not just being willful and foolish. If she won't listen, write a letter. If she won't listen or read, then just hang on for awhile, and wait until you're on your own. It'll be worth it.

On a totally unrelated note; you're an absolutely gorgeous woman. In the dress, at that random time, and yes; even while you're crying. You're beautiful. 

So compromise. Maybe you'll agree to lay off the flowing dresses and stick with Capris. In return she keeps feeding you and your 'sister' and keeps her boyfriend from beating you. It's less than ideal I know but there has to be a way.

When you sit her down to talk, use a lot of "I" statements, go easy on the "yous". Try to keep your composure. I know it hurts but disentegrating into a ball of tears and shrieks won't help. Tell her you love her if you truthfully can. Own it, and approach her like you are asking for help from someone you love and trust.

It's time to look into some counseling, is that a reasonable possibility?

Quote from: Becca on August 14, 2009, 03:47:52 PM
So compromise. Maybe you'll agree to lay off the flowing dresses and stick with Capris. In return she keeps feeding you and your 'sister' and keeps her boyfriend from beating you. It's less than ideal I know but there has to be a way.

When you sit her down to talk, use a lot of "I" statements, go easy on the "yous". Try to keep your composure. I know it hurts but disentegrating into a ball of tears and shrieks won't help. Tell her you love her if you truthfully can. Own it, and approach her like you are asking for help from someone you love and trust.

It's time to look into some counseling, is that a reasonable possibility?

There's no fact about it! I really want counseling, also I want to take hormones but I havn't had the chance or know a place in California that gives out hormones and the cost of them.

I told my mom millions of times, that I know the risks and dangers of being who I am and that I am already immune to it, cause i've been jadeingly picked on and abused by others already.

I try talking to her about it, but she ignores me...She never even asks me why the reason I am--who I am. She accepts me in a way but at the same time she doesn't accept me, It's weird and I hate that she sicked her boyfriend on me.

I meant family counseling, not necessarily trans related therapy. It seems there is a lot of drama here, and to be fair to your mother having not one but two transexual children is a big cross to bear. Trans related therapy and hormones aren't that hard to come by, you'll figure that part out when you are ready but it sounds like this family thing is reaching a critical mass and I'd get some outside help sweety.

Try the county mental health department or something similar. Usually on the same day you make the appointment you'll see an intake counselor, who will make sure you are safe, and not a threat to yourself or anyone else. They will talk to you and find out what's going on and pick a therapist from their harem who suits you. Most of those places have a sliding fee scale so it shouldn't cost you much. They probably don't have a gender therapist on staff, but I'm sure they have someone who can help you stabilise your family situation.

Quote from: Kiera on August 14, 2009, 04:17:20 PM
*Curiosity is getting the better of me* Do you really know "the reason(s)" yourself? Also - given your appearance and fact that you certainly seem to be responding as a girl - if you really feel harmed or threatened by boyfriend then call the police next time it happens because . . . *devils advocate speaking here*

I'd really be curious as to how they regard you and what they'll do!

lol  Please, hopefully you don't need to test it! Read, read, read and stop crying for pete's sake, there's many easy solutions to your dilemma and ya just need to LOOK

It's because my mind is more fem then the typical "male" brain and my body didn't catch on and by the 50-50 flip coin chance, I ended up "male" when I was suppose to be female. Also I know because I respond exactly like a typical women would in most problems, like I hate fighting, If someone is harming me my typical Flight or Fight response is to run and when I see clothes, fashions, clothes and the human body I see it as a women. When I see a naked body I think of the human body as a art; Rather then most men who think sexual.

That's what I am going to do! I had my Laptop on the counter, If only I had hit record for the webcam, I could have some proof for the police...They regard me as gay, both my mom and her boyfriend see transexual people and gay people as equal and the same! My mom says that she is thinking about sending me away to get me away from her!

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Post Merge: August 14, 2009, 04:29:38 PM

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Quote from: Becca on August 14, 2009, 04:21:22 PM
I meant family counseling, not necessarily trans related therapy. It seems there is a lot of drama here, and to be fair to your mother having not one but two transexual children is a big cross to bear. Trans related therapy and hormones aren't that hard to come by, you'll figure that part out when you are ready but it sounds like this family thing is reaching a critical mass and I'd get some outside help sweety.

Try the county mental health department or something similar. Usually on the same day you make the appointment you'll see an intake counselor, who will make sure you are safe, and not a threat to yourself or anyone else. They will talk to you and find out what's going on and pick a therapist from their harem who suits you. Most of those places have a sliding fee scale so it shouldn't cost you much. They probably don't have a gender therapist on staff, but I'm sure they have someone who can help you stabilise your family situation.

My mom wants me to be conseled but she doesn't think she needs to, she says that I should who I should typically be and that I am not normal and need help!

Hun, I don't care what the reason is If my daughters told me that their moms boyfriend threatened to hit them I'd be on his ass like a hobo on a ham sandwich! There is never a reason to hit a child. Can you talk to your school counselor?

Inphyy, I'm so sorry that you are having such a tough time of things. Being a teenager is hard enough with everything that teens go through, but to add being openly transsexual... I can't imagine. I'm afraid I have no wisdom to share as I've never had such experiences and I've only just come out to myself a few weeks ago.

I will say that suicide is definitely NOT the best option. Much of the advice above seems to be quite wise, though it sounds like you somehow need to find the way to get your mom to listen and understand how difficult it is for you and Corie to feel the way you do. I think there is too much talk in the 'normal' world about gays, lesbians and transgenders being a "choice" and that someone influenced you to feel this way. I know it could not be any further from the truth in most cases (there may be a small percentage that do choose). I know that for me I struggled with this for 47 years before understanding that I am really a woman that just happens to have gotten the wrong body. I kind of envy you knowing and fighting for yourself at such a young age, but at the same time you are very young and are likely going to be subject to a lot more pain and suffering than if you were older. (you are quite beautiful though. I love your hair and your eyes are stunning - don't even get me started on the dress).

You are among some truly wonderfully amazing friends here who will stand (virtually) beside you through anything. I would definitely push for therapy and very soon, perhaps that may be a way to educate your mom and her BF. Perhaps a clinical diagnosis will make her realize that you aren't just being a couple of rebellious teens. I may be just talking out of my (pick an anatomical part of choice).

The best I can offer is a big (again virtual) hug to both you and Corie.  Take care of yourself beautiful.

Deanna

Thats horrible. You actually are a pretty girl. You look happy. Never let anyone bring you down

Quote from: Inphyy on August 14, 2009, 04:26:38 PM
It's because my mind is more fem then the typical "male" brain and my body didn't catch on and by the 50-50 flip coin chance, I ended up "male" when I was suppose to be female.

lol, ok, we "get it" and I suppose it is very possible that it is indeed as simple as all of that but it appears your still not doing the very last thing I told you to do but hopefully that will come with time (what's that!) . . .

Welcome to Susans by-the-way, what you've written so far looks like the beginning of a very good introduction! If ya gonna persist in arguing with mum then be prepared for consequences but why do it anyway?

Ya Now Have Here! (for info / not arguing hopefully!) Gotta go . . .

(oops! wrong button!)

My mom says that she is trying to get me sent to foster care and that she doesn't want to take care of me anymore, she says not to call her mom anymore and that she wants me to get out of the house.

Seriously hun, talk to your school counselor. Something is not quite right in whosville .

Quote from: Inphyy on August 14, 2009, 04:40:12 PM
My mom says that she is trying to get me sent to foster care and that she doesn't want to take care of me anymore, she says not to call her mom anymore and that she wants me to get out of the house.

Oh chill, she'll get over it! Where in California? Want me to come and I'll talk to her (but make sure *boyfriend* is not around )?

ps: make sure you logoff, clear history on computer and move those pics to "the gallery" in "profile" asap! Sheeze! Were not "aiding & abetting" are we? God Forbid!

Quote from: Kiera on August 14, 2009, 04:43:58 PM
Oh chill, she'll get over it! Where in California? Want me to come and I'll talk to her (but make sure *boyfriend* is not around )?

ps: make sure you logoff, clear history on computer and move those pics to "the gallery" in "profile" asap! Sheeze! Were not "aiding & abetting" are we? God Forbid!

She won't just chill...She seriously is thinking about leaving me; I live in Ontario, California (Near Chino)

If the boyfriend does not live there, call the police.  Mom is already upset, but this might push her over the edge.  If you can find elsewhere to go, leave.


Check with the local GLBT group for housing.  Sometimes they can find you something.


Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on August 14, 2009, 05:17:04 PM
If the boyfriend does not live there, call the police.  Mom is already upset, but this might push her over the edge.  If you can find elsewhere to go, leave.


Check with the local GLBT group for housing.  Sometimes they can find you something.


Janet

Thanks, I would call the police...But I don't know what to say to them. Or even if they will take her side since i'm transgendered...It's sad that she is trying to get me into foster care and she is even trying to get me into jev for being a bad child---The only thing that is stopping that is the recession, them not having any room in the foster care and the fact that she doesn't have the money for the weekly charges of homes and getting me into such.

Right now I am on the tip of the ice-berg and if it melts anymore I am going to be falling into the freezing eternal sea. I ran out of life-lines and being only 16 and still a minor the tools that most adult transsexuals could use, I can't use for myself.

Quote from: Kiera on August 14, 2009, 05:36:07 PM
If ya not 18 you or mum are not going anywhere, not without consequences. Is that yer hair? If so tie it back, dress more *achm* inconspicuously and DO try to go along with the program! Have a 18 B party to attend with my *married w/kids spiritual advisers* "J" & "K",

will CI later . .

If she can get me into Jev, a ward or foster care then she wouldn't have to worry about me anymore! :\