I'm happy for you Nonie. It's a releif to share your burden and to be accepted is an added bonus.
You are brave and freed now. Go forward and always remember what just happened.

I'm celebrating with you,

Jillieann

I'm really happy for you that this is working out so well!  I can relate to the stress of coming out to people, I am in the middle of "Project: Coming Out" too and the fears are very real.  It's interesting that the anticipated fears have so far been very much worse than the reality of things.

But, my wife always reminds me, because I've been coming out to people who live out of town, "Yeah, they're OK about it 'cause they won't have to see you everyday."  So I guess telling your roomies and having them be supportive is even better!

I love your name choice, btw!

{{{HUGZZZ}}}
helen

Thanks, everyone!  Yeah, I'm being pretty cautious...  Justin seems to sort of hope that all I will need is the therapy.

Quote from: Mikko on August 27, 2006, 12:52:57 AM
Now he called to ask why I can't just "put myself in a state of mind where I could deal with it"

Yup, I received the same response from my wife. Hence the "The ultimate self-acceptance?" thread I started. She's insisting that perhaps I was meant to be born this way, as I am, and should realize that I don't need to mold myself into what society expects physically in order to be myself. Stop trying to become what I already am, that sorta thing.

And heck, philosophically I agree with her. And IF this entre GID thing is just some sort of childhood wish snowballed into an obsession, she may be right. But it doesn't appear to be so.

Quotesaid he was too old to find someone else and wants to have a family and why couldn't I compromise.

Yup! Got that too from her. Which I think it what finally broke me after talking about this for hours with her: to realize that not only would I not give her what she wanted, but that I've prevented her from EVER getting it through some cruel "bait-and-switch" manuever, as she put it. The GUILT from all this is... just too much.

However, I'm encouraged (and happy for you!) to see how the tone of his response evolved over time

Mikko,

    What do you mean maybe only need therapy? That is what Justin hopes for but what about you? That will only be the beginning if indeed you want to transition. It seems to me that Justin hopes that you will never take it that far. That through therapy you will change your mind and just decide to stay a girl, the girl that he loves. Just be carful, and be sure he knows what your intentions are.

                                                     Marco

What does the route that Mikko takes matter, as long as he ends up happy?  If he goes to therapy and transition is right for him, that's what will happen.

Melissa

True. Mikko has expressed an interest in it leading to transition, so I was just saying that it seems that maybe Justin may hope that therapy will be "ALL" Mikko needs to be happy ,and maybe even change his mind about transitioning, and just remain the "girl" Justin loves. Thats all.
                                         Marco

Just being philosophical - don't mind me.

Melissa

Quote from: Marco on August 29, 2006, 03:43:30 PM
True. Mikko has expressed an interest in it leading to transition, so I was just saying that it seems that maybe Justin may hope that therapy will be "ALL" Mikko needs to be happy ,and maybe even change his mind about transitioning, and just remain the "girl" Justin loves. Thats all.
                                         Marco

That's exactly what I mean by saying that, that I'm making sure I watch him.  He sounded like he got it and was going to be okay with it eventually, but then I overheard him talking to his mom about it, saying that I was going to see if therapy was all I needed.  But he could have been telling her that to make her feel more comfortable too.  He seems to accept the full deal when *I* talk to him about it.

Also, just wanted to say it feels awesome having you guys call me a "he"   Not that you haven't all over the boards anyway, it's still just new enough to be a thrill and nobody in real life does yet, and I don't expect them to very soon, so I just wanted to say it was cool to hear it.  And thank you all for being supportive through this crazy time

Quote from: Mikko on August 29, 2006, 05:34:13 PM
Also, just wanted to say it feels awesome having you guys call me a "he"   Not that you haven't all over the boards anyway, it's still just new enough to be a thrill and nobody in real life does yet, and I don't expect them to very soon, so I just wanted to say it was cool to hear it.  And thank you all for being supportive through this crazy time

Anything to help good sir.   I remember when I first joined and people started calling me she, it felt so good.  I think we all realize this and do our best to use proper pronouns.  It's kind of a tradition, even with the crossdressers, although it does make it a bit difficult when somebody is presenting as female (born male) and they choose male for gender, which makes the male icon show up.  I haven't seen this the other way around.

Melissa

Mikko,
   You say Justin is supportive, and I believe he is for yuor sake, but what about later, when you begin to change? Will he want to be  with you when you are physically male?
                   
                                     Marco       

QuoteJustin is supportive, and I believe he is for yuor sake, but what about later

How can either of them know that right now?

From what I have read on these boards, to have any chance at keeping your S.O. in your life, you can't exceed their ability to cope with the changes.  And even then there are no assurances. The other option is to cut loose and go at your own pace.  Both are perfectly valid, it just depends on what you want.

Jessica

I too have come late to this thread.  If I've followed this properly, you have just come out to your SO who knows you and loves you as a woman.  He first rejected then considered the idea of staying.  There is no way this will be resolved in one week or two and it may take much longer.  It took my partner 18 months to become fully comfortable with the idea of staying together.  It was a bumpy ride that we survived by virtue of our deep friendship and at this point, that is what remains.  We are friends who live together.  Until he see changes and especially so after you start HRT (if you start HRT), that's when you'll begin to have some idea whether you can work this out and stay together.  I hope I don't sound negative but it could be awhile this drama settles down in your life.  Relationships are the scariest and often the most heartbreaking part of transition.  Good luck.

Dawn

Yeah, I don't know.  I don't really think he's going to be cool with it when I start changing.  He was already uncomfortable teaching me proper form for lifting weights and seeing me in "boy's clothes" (which wasn't even bad, I was just wearing girl's "boyfriend cut" jeans pulled down a little lower and a couple men's t-shirts, still with girl hair and glasses and not even bound).  He said he didn't want to come home from work to find me "in a secondhand suit with short hair and a Charlie Chaplin moustache drawn on."  It seemed *really* not cool to me.

So far I've also come out to all my friends and I'm sending out letters to my mom and dad, so they're about to find out too...  Besides Justin, the worst I've gotten from anyone is "Well, it'll be hard to get used to seeing you change, but I support you."

So.  That's my story about that.  I might have to leave anyway if he can't accept me doing this when he actually sees it happening, and I really don't think I'll be able to pace it slowly unless forced - I am sooo desperate to see it happen I can barely think about anything else.

I mean, I have 4 roommates besides him, and the whole house with the exception of him wants to go to the TS support group meeting with me.  I can see how it would be more difficult for him to face this, but right now I don't feel that optimistic about us.

I already *know* he has not a gay cell in his entire body.  I don't think it's very easy to just make an exception to a sexual orientation.

I can tell you that he's just tolerating it.  It sounds like he is playing along and hoping you'll "snap out of it".  My parents are the same way and still do not accept nor support me.  They tolerated me working for them for a while and then told me to find another job as soon as they realized I wasn't "changing my path". 

Melissa

*Sigh*  He's so confusing.  Yesterday he had a talk with me about how I am ungrateful for all he does for me and he can't believe I thought he would freak out when I told him I wanted to transition, that I don't have enough faith in him.  Wha?  I always feel like my head is spinning when we have "serious talk."  He was mad because I was ready to leave when he told me to.  But he was mad at me at the time for not having left already.  Argh.  I always joked with my friends that he acts like the girl and I act like the guy in our relationship, I guess him being emotionally unpredictable and making no sense just reinforces that...  At least now I can tell myself to be a man about it, hehe.  After comforting him for a while and actually not feeling weird about taking the strong role like that, he calmed down and said that as my punishment we have to take a vacation to the ocean together.  So I guess we're okay

mikko:
hi, life is crazy now ...it will get better.
Your words in the posts you wrote remind me of my divorce and subsequent break ups, mine and that of friends.

  Mikko you sound like a person with strong qualities, and many men hate to let what "is theirs " go somewhere else, so that factor accounts for some of the craziness.  He will say anything so you stay and then he will mold you back.  I myself did it when i was in my boy mode back in the 70's and all my male friends were also.

  What do you draw? Anime? I agree with you about your proffesional concerns.
I paint and do poetry and as much as fans like the art they sure assign us a role ...fvoom! done   

   Divorces are not pretty no matter what the reason, neither are break ups between non-heterosexuals, is my experience.
   You know you want what is best for you and it is not him, he begins to see that and that rejection is what he fights the most,  Am saying this not to play the Psycologist/ Counselor just to let you know that i can relate to your situation and from this point i can say focus on your future and the vision you have created for your success.  Obstacles come in many forms and relationships.  But to execute beyond expectation essential to a career in the Visual arts arena you need to be commited and focus to it.

  I am sure that you still love certain things about him, that is good. I still love some things about my ex-wife 15 years later. But it was the decision that gave me my life back and in return gave back to my kids more wholesome life.
  Stay safe, sheial18