My best friend doesn't care if people know she's a transsexual.  To her, if they don't like that she's trans, tough titty.  For me, it's not so much that I care what people think, it's the fact that I don't think it's necessary for random people to know my business.  Yes, I'm a transsexual woman, but I don't have to tell you that just because we went to a party together or take the same class.  I'm a private person and I would rather keep that part of me to myself.  Other people don't have a right to know about it.  I only tell a select few people, and those people will keep it to themselves as well.  It's just how I prefer to operate.

Even within the vicinity of a gay person or another transsexual, I don't say anything about myself.  But if they want to talk about their own experiences and themselves, that's perfectly fine by me.  Go for it!

I'm pre-op and not stealth, but my transgender is not one of the first things I use to talk about myself.

When I was started grappling with this, this time around, I was feeling sorry for myself and said to my minister: It'd be a lot easier to be gay. 

She said: That's because everyone knows someone who is gay or at least knows of someone gay.  They don't know that they know a transsexual.

Her response made a lot of sense to me.  So by transitioning openly, the people around me are learning that that seemingly normal man is really a trans-woman but still a normal person.

Plus, this is a small town.  So what Jamie said, and what Miniar said, and what a lot of the others have said.  Being transsexual is not something to be ashamed of.  So far (*knock on wood*) no one has treated me as anything other than someone who is struggling to be as much of a woman as she can.

As Laura said, I've lived a lie for far too many years.  Enough!   I don't wear a sign and I don't bring it up, but I'm not hiding it either.

- Kate now and forever and if you don't like it, tough noogies.

My coworkers think I'm a gay man. My customers think I'm a woman who works a man's job, so i probably get clocked as a lesbian a fair bit, especially when people see my male name tag and still think I'm a woman. Sometimes people wonder if I'm female to male. Supposedly some people think I'm a gorgeous straight boy (I think they're just hoping at this point.) My significant friends know I'm trans. I met a person new to our social group the other day who said she was really confused at first - the hair and earrings had her going female, but my male name threw her for a loop. And then she thought my friends were talking about me getting a boob job. No, they're real. "Can you feel them?"

I go through life from one situation to the next pretty much.

The name thing is getting to be a really big bitch, though. I've been asked at least 3 times "What's your real name? No, really, what's your real name?"

Funny! Being the only transgendered person in my town and school that I know of, a lot of people have prejudgments and when some actually get to know me--It changes them. To the people who are a-holes and continue to hate, they arn't worth the time or effort to try and teach...

They'll die a sad, boring and typical life anyways--While I live mines to the fullest; Haters hate, lovers create. 

I am out about it because I am still mid transition.  It's kind of hard to be "closeted" when one day your name is male, and the next is female (or vice versa).

For me, when this is all over with, and I am satisfied, I will not be outing myself very much.

I just finished helping facilitate a workshop at my church on how to be more welcoming to LGBT people.  There was a gay man there but otherwise everyone else professes to be straight.  This was the first of 13 sessions we are going to hold.

The issue that brought this thread to mind was that gays and lesbians are becoming more accepted because they are being normalized.  Gradually they are becoming seen as normal members of the community because they are visible and in every community and profession. 

Not so yet with transgendered people.  We too often are seen as sexual deviants or perverts or just way too weird.  If all of us try to be as stealth as possible, it will take a lot longer to become normalized. 

I'm sure much of the population would just like us to go away and be invisible, but I'm not willing to "just go away."  I am who I am – a normal person who happens to be transsexual – and people are just going to have to deal with that.  No, I'm not going to wear a sign, but I have no intention of hiding, either.

Just my 2¢.

- Kate 

If all of us try to be as stealth as possible, it will take a lot longer to become normalized. 

Actually, in fact, to the degree that this happens, then normalized never will.

Tekla nailed it to some extent -- we will not be normalized.

Thinking that we will is kinda, well, silly, but its a kind of absurdist deal that provides hope.

And we all need a lot of hope.  Transition is hard, it sucks the spirit out of you at times.

I'm out -- very out -- and while I don't tell everyone, its more because I don't really have a reason to tell, rather than my avoiding it.

I never avoid it, though, and I am very actively aggressive.

A short while back, a group went out to dinner after a support group meeting with our respective therapist. The group was a mix of all sorts, and while they were all women, they all didn't quite fit the expectations of the heteronormative patrons.

So at the same time I was being ogled by one guy who apparently couldn't remove his eyes from my breasts, a gal who is not particularly good looking was being called an it very quietly in whispers.

That was about the extent of it for a while.  ONe set of patrons rushed their meal and left.

As we were leaving, I was singled out by a couple that had come in later -- the male being very drunk and very gay, the woman a bit more reserved.  He loudly spoke of how awesome it was that I was being real and all this other junk.

His words hurt those I was with, I watched them plummet in their esteem when he did so -- trying to be positive, he hurt them.

So I shooshed them on out, then turned and walked up to his table and talked loudly and openly about who I am and what I've gone through, and then pointedly spoke to the things that had happened already that the others had not seen

That's why I am out.

I am out not for me, but for others.  TO show that there are other transwomen who are happy, doing great, are somewhat cute if what I'm told is true.

Who have confidence in themselves.

They don't have to be out for that to have an impact either.
I am out because when I run for office starting next year, it won't matter how they see me -- people will see you as whateer they choose to see you.

I can influence their perception, but I cannot change them.

I can, however educate them -- and I do.

Because the fact is a lot of transsexuals do not always look like what society expects a woman to look like. ANd as a result, they get ->-bleeped-<- that I don't get.

That's not fair, and while I cold say "well, that's their problem", I don't.

Because as far as I see it, its all of our problem.

The best that I can respond to this question is, I had no intent originally, to be open with people about myself (unless asked). As it turns out though, I really did not have a choice in the matter. Some others here have stated, to not be open means they would have to continue a lie about who they are. And for me that prospect was just not an option. I never regretted my past. I've nothing to hide from in it. I do however have a new future. As such, everyone that I encounter whether or not they know me or know my history, have to encounter the real person that I always wanted to be.

I think that (especially all that do know me and who I am), they all have an opportunity to make themselves a better person for knowing the new me and, what this issue is all about. What possible benefit could there be for the rest of us; those that are unsure about coming out and those that are on the edge of doing so, if we that are out and vocal/obvious, just hide and fade away?

For a lot of us, being an activist though, is not something they can be comfortable with. It's an individual choice. There is no right or wrong in what your choice is, either. I decided for myself that I wanted to portray my being trans as a non-issue to the rest of my community. To a large degree, I think I have been successful. My business is still operating, people stop me on the street to say "hi". I still have the chats with the local neighbors at the fence about our local goings-on's. What possible good reason would it serve for me to not be visible? The more of us that are able to show ourselves as being comfortable in our own skin, the less of an issue we become to those in the general public that might otherwise think we are freaks. Plain and simple. Still though this is my choice and others may not be so easily situated to adapt to a more open existence.

Maybe a better question would be, "How is being public about who we are, going to benefit the larger trans community"? Are we gonna win them all (general public) over? NO, it's absolutely absurd to think so. Can being visible to the public as a whole change a few minds? Undoubtedly so! Will it be enough? That depends on how many of us are visible and open about who we are and our accomplishments in being so.



Dawn 

Quote from: Estradiol Valerate on September 11, 2009, 07:16:29 AM
You don't realize by doing this people no more consider you as a REAL female/male but they consider you as a '3rd gender'. For some we are even regarded just as a 'creature'.

Why do some of you like openly revealing what you are?

I never meet someone and then say, "BTW, I'm transsexual."  Never.  Unless you're campaigning for civil rights or something like that, it serves no good purpose.

But if someone I have gotten to know asks in a respectful manner, I will tell them I have a different past than the average female.  And then I'll do my best to ensure they walk away with a positive impression.

Julie

Why should I hide? Grab onto this, I am beautiful because I think so and therefore I am what I think I am. Those who cannot deal with it do not need to stay near me or in contact or whatever.

No more closets, time to fight bigotry and hatred head on to make this world a better place for the sisters and brothers who will come after.

Quote from: Julie Marie on September 14, 2009, 12:37:53 PM
I never meet someone and then say, "BTW, I'm transsexual."
But if someone I have gotten to know asks in a respectful manner, I will tell them......And then I'll do my best to ensure they walk away with a positive impression.

Julie

Same exactly with Marcy and I. 
So far (so good), no one at church has asked, they just know and accept us as a lesbian couple with a family.  Now, that in itself is quite impressive in a mainstream church.


Bev

I wonder how much age and place in society  (or how well you are known in your job field I mean) plays into this. Those of us transitioning at middle age with families and children can't exactly go "stealth" vs. someone who is younger and can up and move to a new town. Also if you are known fairly well professionally or in your community through volunteer work or have been on a Board of Directors for organizations this could be hard to "hide" from.
Myles

Quote from: myles on September 14, 2009, 09:49:23 PM
I wonder how much age and place in society  (or how well you are known in your job field I mean) plays into this. Those of us transitioning at middle age with families and children can't exactly go "stealth" vs. someone who is younger and can up and move to a new town. Also if you are known fairly well professionally or in your community through volunteer work or have been on a Board of Directors for organizations this could be hard to "hide" from.
Myles

I agree, Myles, but I look at it from a slightly different angle.  I was fully accepted as *him* in my neighborhood and community and was on the board of directors at my church and am still very active there.  I am fully accepted by all.  If I just showed up as an unknown 20 year-old in transition would I find the same acceptance?  I'd like to think so, but I don't know.

- Kate

A lot of it depends also on winning a genetic lottery - some people are always going to pass, almost no matter what - other are never going to pass 100%, no matter what.

Quote from: Sandy on September 11, 2009, 09:48:56 AM
I agree with everything Emelye said.  Especially about the lesbian issue.  Especially when in public and people see Pat and I holding hands or kissing, they see us as a lesbian couple and I am quiet happy with that.  I think the term validating is quite appropriate.

To some who know my past, I cannot hide.  To others I only reveal when appropriate or germane to the issue at hand.  I don't wear a sign around my neck.

To all I am accepted as female, not "third gender".  No one has ever questioned my femininity.  I am female and have always been so.

-Sandy(and damn proud of it too!)

What she said! I also have younger children so at times I have been outed for that reason. I think acceptance largely depends on how you carry yourself as well. Most people in my life know and no one questions my gender. To them I am just like any other Mom, any other woman and that's it.

I transitioned in a small town... basically everyone knew and most accepted me. Whether they saw me as a woman or a man in a dress, I don't know. I later re-transitioned in the same town. I live in a glass house 

I live in a small town now. Last season our state introduced a gender identity/expression anti discrimination bill. I outed myself to legislators, I wrote letters to newspapers, I've spoken at a few churches. We're not going to attain our rights if we don't speak up. That said, it's not like I out myself constantly. But if it seems like a moment I can educate, I do it.

Z

I agree with most of what the others have said.  For me, people who get to know me and then find out I am Trans, it breaks down that "I don't know any one like THAT".  It gives a face to who a Transwoman is.

As far as revealing my past, it helps explain my situation.  This can actually help in certain situations.  Such as working with the Unemployment Office.  It seems that my old name is tried to my claim, and by revealing my Trans past, it overcome a lot of explaining.


Janet

Quote from: Zythyra on September 20, 2009, 07:23:35 PM
I transitioned in a small town... basically everyone knew and most accepted me. Whether they saw me as a woman or a man in a dress, I don't know. I later re-transitioned in the same town. I live in a glass house 

I live in a small town now. Last season our state introduced a gender identity/expression anti discrimination bill. I outed myself to legislators, I wrote letters to newspapers, I've spoken at a few churches. We're not going to attain our rights if we don't speak up. That said, it's not like I out myself constantly. But if it seems like a moment I can educate, I do it.

Z

It's great that you can speak in pulbic for transgender people. I am not quite sure whether I will have such a chance, but talking each other is always nice.

Barbie~~

Sometimes I just feel like it.