Sisters, today I'm VERY down. I have been heavily insulted in public. I entered a bus with a bunch of macaques sitting completely behind hurling heavy insults to me like 'What's this 'thing' ?. When we all got down at the final bus station, one of the guys spitted making me understand I was a disgusting being (fortunately not on me, I would have kicked with my high heels).

In the past:

1. (Beginning 2009/ Mid 2004) 2 times people tried to snatch my wig off my head in the bus (I almost slammed the boy with my umbrella and for the 1st time I verbally retaliated in public but other time I could not do much, they were very strong men).
2. (2002) In night club people said 'What's this creature?'.
3. The most common I get almost everyday is a derogatory word used for homosexuals equivalent to the english word '->-bleeped-<-got'.
4. At times people can kill even with just a look, their very negative looks annoy me.
5. What infuriated me the most is the ridicule mockery, laughing like hell on your face insignuating you're a buffoon/clown in the society, I wanna slap them in their faces specially when it's girls laughing at me.
6. (2002) I was thrown an emptu bottle of Coke 0.5, fortunately I managed to dodge.

No wonder how many sisters in the past have committed suicde. As I am now 'official' and full-time, I'm having really big problem to confront this harsh and cruel world.

WHAT'S THE BIGGEST INSULT YOU FACED IN PUBLIC AND HOW YOU DEAL WITH THEM? Me, the only thing I can do is ignore them but it really hurts at the utmost degree inside and I really don't know what to do anymore. 

aww, I'm so sorry you had to endure this, Shelina. Wish there were something I could say to make it better.
hang in there, little sister.

Sorry you have had to suffer the ignorance of other, My Dear.  But hang in there, it will get better.

Usually when I get stared at or I see the snickering, I just say "Take a picture Hon, it lasts longer"  I have not been called anything except 'Bitch'  or had anything thrown at me or assaulted in anyway.


Janet

An idaho redneck once made a rather detailed off color comment about having sex with me, to which I replied that he would never go back to sheep afterword.

Good god it sounds like things are hard there, I'm sorry you have to deal with that Shelina. It doesn't sound like humor is the best solution for you, but a change of scenery definitely is if at all possible. It kinda sounds to me like you are one wrong look away from being physically hurt with a crowd of cheering onlookers.

The old TV show Kung Fu is out on DVD now.  Other people can not harm you with insults, unless you allow them to do so, Grasshopper.

That's really messed up! That is just so over the line. Words & looks are one thing, but when things turn violent it can get scarry fast. It sounds like what Becca said & you live in a particularely bad area. If possible I'd consider moving, that's what I'm gonna do when I can afford to. One thing I've done is to get a concealed weapons permit, but of course that's not for everyone!

I'm not thick skinned by any measure of it, but I've learned to "bubble".
By bubble I mean that, to me, most of the time, "the world" doesn't exist outside the area closest to me. An area as large as I want it to be. Sometimes I fold my legs up under me and curl around a good book or a drawing in progress, and then that bubble (which to me is the whole world) is a mere 3 feet in diameter.
No matter how loudly someone talks at me outside that bubble, no matter what they say, it doesn't reach me. It doesn't exist.

Sure this means that people sometimes have to poke me, litterally, to get my attention, but it's worth it.

The biggest insults tossed my way were mainly due to ignorance or lack of knowledge on the part of the speaker.  When referred to as a cross-dresser or TV and I think it's worth while, I tell them to look up the word Transsexual, or words to that effect.

-={LR}=-

Quote from: Matilda on October 01, 2009, 06:11:31 PM
The only time that I experienced something like that was many years ago.  I had just started HRT, and my physical appearance was rather androgynous.  I was in a train station waiting for my train, and this black guy (who was an station agent) approached me, looked at me from head to toe & said:  "Are you queer or something?"   My self-esteem was shattered in a matter of seconds.  I was younger, inexperienced, recovering from a (then recent) suicide attempt.  I said nothing, I just walked away.

Years later, I went back to that same train station.  I was no longer that androgynous-looking young person that had been insulted a few years back.

I was just minding my own business, going through the train schedule brochures when this guy approached me and asked me if I needed help.  Guess what?  it was him, the same station agent who'd insulted me a few years earlier.  We started talking about the train schedules, about life, and then it happened, he came on to me, asked me for my phone number & suggested that we have a drink.  Of course, I said no and gave him zilch.  He was ugly as hell, and besides I am not attracted to black men, but I guess you could say that I had the last laugh.

I love your story, It gives me spirits that people in the past will eat their own dirt when I am done! :-]

Quote from: Matilda on October 01, 2009, 06:11:31 PM
The only time that I experienced something like that was many years ago.  I had just started HRT, and my physical appearance was rather androgynous.  I was in a train station waiting for my train, and this black guy (who was an station agent) approached me, looked at me from head to toe & said:  "Are you queer or something?"   My self-esteem was shattered in a matter of seconds.  I was younger, inexperienced, recovering from a (then recent) suicide attempt.  I said nothing, I just walked away.

Years later, I went back to that same train station.  I was no longer that androgynous-looking young person that had been insulted a few years back.

I was just minding my own business, going through the train schedule brochures when this guy approached me and asked me if I needed help.  Guess what?  it was him, the same station agent who'd insulted me a few years earlier.  We started talking about the train schedules, about life, and then it happened, he came on to me, asked me for my phone number & suggested that we have a drink.  Of course, I said no and gave him zilch.  He was ugly as hell, and besides I am not attracted to black men, but I guess you could say that I had the last laugh.

Your story made tears come to my eyes, very comforting. I just wished this could happen with me and all my straight love ones. Thanks for your story Matilda, so inspiring, encouraging and uplifting. 

All that is messed up.  Words and looks are one thing, but... watch out for people/situations where things could turn to actual physical violence...

As for me?  I've had people scream 'hey, what the ->-bleeped-<- are you?', murmur (loudly) to their friends about the freak that is passing them by, been called 'it' on numerous occasions.  'It' always gets me.  Means they've stopped seeing you as a human being.  They usually talk like you're an object as well.  I've gotten nasty looks of course.  I've been followed by a group of surly-looking young skater guys; from what I could gather from their conversation, they wanted to 'show that ->-bleeped-<-got what's up.'  Something of the like.  This is just the recent stuff.  I won't go into the trouble I got when I was a gender-incongruent young child...

Head up and be careful.  It will get better.  I haven't had a sour look or word in months, though I'm not quite used to it yet...

Quote from: Eryk on October 01, 2009, 11:58:20 PM
All that is messed up.  Words and looks are one thing, but... watch out for people/situations where things could turn to actual physical violence...

As for me?  I've had people scream 'hey, what the <not allowed> are you?', murmur (loudly) to their friends about the freak that is passing them by, been called 'it' on numerous occasions.  'It' always gets me.  Means they've stopped seeing you as a human being.  They usually talk like you're an object as well.  I've gotten nasty looks of course.  I've been followed by a group of surly-looking young skater guys; from what I could gather from their conversation, they wanted to 'show that ->-bleeped-<-got what's up.'  Something of the like.  This is just the recent stuff.  I won't go into the trouble I got when I was a gender-incongruent young child...

Head up and be careful.  It will get better.  I haven't had a sour look or word in months, though I'm not quite used to it yet...

POUF! Fortunately there's no 'it' in my language's personal pronoun otherwise I'm sure they would have called me 'it' too I'm sure. They were thinking you were gay (mtf) when in fact you're a ftm. At a point of time, people use to think I was a lesbian and I was so happy as they perceived me as a boyish female than now where they literally call me ->-bleeped-<-got. You should take it positively somewhere that they called you ->-bleeped-<-got which means that you look more male over female than more female over male, you see what I mean.

He was ugly as hell, and besides I am not attracted to black men, but I guess you could say that I had the last laugh.

How in God's name is it remotely relevant that the guy was black? Has it occurred to you that perhaps you aren't attracted to black men because of racism? Okay, granted, I'm not attracted to black men either -- but that's because they're men. But even if racism isn't the reason, it's a bit racist in effect, even if unintended, to mention it where it was completely irrelevant to the story.

For instance, someone told me a story about a woman she'd met on a trip to California. The woman in the story was trans. She mentioned this. The story had nothing to do with her being trans. Afterwards, I wondered why she mentioned it, and what she must think of me. If I were black, that's what I would be thinking after reading what you wrote.

I've had half a dozen female friends tell me this year they'd never date black men. And one self-styled white washed hispanic say she married a white man because she didn't want to be controlled by a mexican man.


I'm generally left alone. I don't make a lot of eye contact in public places so I don't even really know if people stare at me.

A long time ago, at a restaurant with a dance floor and some female friends, someone overheard a comment by a bar patron that all the girls were hot except the one in black (that'd be me.) And around that time a group of kids at the food court asked me what my name was and laughed. I'm dumb, so it took me like a year and a half to realize they were betting on what gender I was (I gave my male name, anyway - back then a lot of people thought they went to high school with me, for some reason.) And one time when I was dropping in to my laser spa some 11 year old skater prick poked in the door and called me a ->-bleeped-<-got and ran off. He's lucky that I was so simply stunned by the experience, because I would have put the fear of god into him.

All in all people have been silent, oblivious, or respectful... I suppose I should cherish that. In fact, come to think of it - the worst abuse i've received in public was from customers who I was passing with (who were just ->-bleeped-<-s.)

Quote from: Alyssa M. on October 02, 2009, 12:25:51 AM
He was ugly as hell, and besides I am not attracted to black men, but I guess you could say that I had the last laugh.

How in God's name is it remotely relevant that the guy was black? Has it occurred to you that perhaps you aren't attracted to black men because of racism? Okay, granted, I'm not attracted to black men either -- but that's because they're men. But even if racism isn't the reason, it's a bit racist in effect, even if unintended, to mention it where it was completely irrelevant to the story.

For instance, someone told me a story about a woman she'd met on a trip to California. The woman in the story was trans. She mentioned this. The story had nothing to do with her being trans. Afterwards, I wondered why she mentioned it, and what she must think of me. If I were black, that's what I would be thinking after reading what you wrote.

Overreact much?

And I reject the insinuation that I must be socially racist if I find men of my own race more attractive than ones of other races.

Has it occurred to you that perhaps you find people who find some men attractive and others not, because you're prejudice against that sexual orientation?

Probably not, because that would be rediculous, but that's kind of my point.   

How is it relevant that the guy was black? It wasn't, it was an observation made by the poster. Sure it wasn't hyper politically correct, but I for one would rather not have to live watching every tiny thing I say out of fear it might be interpreted as politically incorrect. And as someone who's not racist and against racism, but does find some races more attractive than others (although for the record I find African Americans to be attractive), I reject the insinuation that that makes me racist.

I'm with Alyssa on this one.  I read it that way also.

Quote from: tekla on October 02, 2009, 01:16:14 AM
I'm with Alyssa on this one.  I read it that way also.

When I read the post I had absolutely no reaction to it at all, what I did resent is the insinuation that if you find one race attractive and another not, you're a racist. 

I think it lay more in the use of a qualifier adjective as if it somehow was important.  If its pointed out, then it must have been important in some way, and that way is perhaps not in the best interest of a more perfect union.

Quote from: Matilda on October 02, 2009, 01:57:16 AM
Our preferences in what is desirable to us in no way, shape, or form make us racist.  Hatred makes a person racist.  Skin color is an attribute just like any other quality you might look for or avoid in a partner.  If your assumption were correct, Alyssa, then we'd all be sexist or racist or some other ungodly tag because we preferred blondes or blue eyes, or redheads, or feminine women, or masculine men, or Caucasian, or Asian, or Hispanic, or tall guys or curly hair, correct?.  I am not attracted to women at all either, I suppose that makes me a sexist, too, huh?    Please!

...and another thing, you guys want to discuss "racism"?.  Be courteous to Shelina and start a new thread.  Don't hijack this one.

Now I feel stupid, I didn't even think that following the same logic, being any sexual orientation except bisexual would make you a sexist too.

If you read my post carefully, you would see that I wasn't denying that some people have a "type." I was simply stating that racism is a common reason for your particular "type" (or whatever the opposite of "type" is).

But way more importantly, when you mention that someone is black when it's not relevant to the story, it tends to diminish the validity of black people. It's like saying "woman doctor" or "lady lawyer" when the gender is irrelevant, or "transsexual woman" when that part of the person's history is irrelevant. It doesn't matter how you meant it: it comes across as racist. If you didn't intend to convey racism in your story, you failed to communicate clearly.