With being transgendered comes bucket loads of confustion, depression, worrying, lying, instability, fear etc.

I was at the pub tonight looking at some of the girls there not thinking how incomprehensibally envious I am that they were just born that way and that was that. Nothing more to it. They arrived and went on with life. No more, no less.

It's difficult to think how one can be so totally certain of something such as this. Why am I so certain about what I know? I just am. There is not a micro-second of doubt in my mind of what I need to do. So let's go back to the title of my post. Why this life?

The whole 'transitioning is a choice' thing has been discussed to the death and I won't even attempt to say that cos it's jsut not true and people will go mad. I was out tonight having a genuinelly good night, but the whole time thinking, why did this have to be inflicted upon me? Being gay is something that many people have come to find normal, as there are a good deal of people openly gay and thats great! Having a mental ilness is also something average-joe frowns upon. But, its something lots of people have and is slowly getting acceptance. Being transgendered. WHOA. Jesus. I think the last statistic I saw was an estimate of 1 in 1000 or 1 in 10,000. Ok, for a start I don't believe that figure in the slightest. But I'm fairly sure of all the minority groups, transgendered is one of the smallest.

Why is it inflicted upon us to have to do such drastic things to our bodies, to the people we love and adapt our personas to such a drastic degree that we are quite literally different people. Why do the most amazing people have to suffer the most silently painful lives? These are answers that regardless if we want to or not, will never have answers to. Ever. It's like the whole meaning of life. Maybe there is none. There are no answers. Things just are. Simple as.

I wish I didn't live in Ireland where things are relatively closed minded and there is not a single srs surgeon in the whole country. I wish I could be face to face with people who know exactly how I feel, cos everyone else is gonna think 'oh my god what a total weirdo, I never thought I'd actually know one of those sex change people'.

It's just soul destroying. If you don't do anything, you live your life constantly miserable. Or you don't live. If you actually make the decision to go ahead, be who you are, you live a life of rejection, losing people and continually trying to fit in. It's just crushing. And it is a need. Not a want. Not an option. An utter need.

I love you all. I admire your strength and devotion to self.

Sarah.x

Quote from: Sarah_Faith on October 11, 2009, 07:16:02 PM
If you actually make the decision to go ahead, be who you are, you live a life of rejection, losing people and continually trying to fit in. It's just crushing.

This may happen a fair amount, but it's not the case for everyone.  The transition period can be hard, but a lot of people on here seem to find more success post- than they ever felt pre-.

But I share the frustration--it's a huge and terrifying proposition and I really wish it could just be a little less huge and a little less terrifying.

Excellent post Sarah, but I was going to comment on the last section also. Ketsy beat me to it.

I am post -op of many years, my life has been very acceptable and I lead it to the fullest, certainly not a life of rejection.

I don't know the answer for you living in Ireland. Personally if it was me, I'd be saving my pounds to go abroad.  In my own country I had to move to a larger and more cosmopolitian State.

The son of a friend was born with no arm below one elbow.  I have another friend in a wheelchair.  My favorite uncle was gay, and it was only late in his life that he was able to relax a little.  (He died in 1978.) 

Still, when you are the one doing the suffering it is terrible.  I used to tell myself to get over it, but it never worked very well.  I only really started feeling better when I grabbed hold of it and started doing something about it.

One fairly reasonable study of transsexualism put the number at approximately 1 in 500 births.  A low percentage, but a lot of people.  But even 1 in 1000 would still be a lot of people (about 6,300 in Ireland, unless all the TS's emigrated out).

Where you are and the people around you can make a big difference.  I've been lucky.  When I began transitioning here in little old Nowheresville, I was astounded to find that people really didn't care.  The prevailing attitude was: Well, if that's what you want to do, why not?  My experience has been that you really can't tell how people are going to react.

Ireland is a small country, with easy access to England.  Perhaps that is part of the reason there are no SRS surgeons in-country.  Are there any LGBT groups nearby?  I know the stereotype of Ireland being socially conservative, but I thought there were areas that belied that stereotype.

I don't know what your situation is, but you may find you have to move in order to begin being free.  I have often felt sorry for myself and have hated it when someone told me to get over it.  But when I finally took control of my life, things got better.

Good luck, Sarah.

*hugs*
Kate