I assume that it's less about burying "bob", but more about burying the "idea" of "bob".
You're still the same person, but you're no longer pretending to be someone else..


Or something like that.

When I was ready to retire from the military, the one piece of advice I received that turned out to be very valuable to me was: Be sure to mark the transitions in your life.

This may be a marriage or divorce, the birth of a child or the death of a loved one, graduation, retirement or major career change - whatever.  The point is that yes, you are the same person, but you are starting on a new phase of your life.  Do something that marks that.

I was just going to leave the service - essentially, just not show up one day.  Instead I had a big ceremony and a party and stayed out too late drinking with some friends.  The next day I was done with my old life and ready to start my new one.  I was still the same person, but I felt I had turned a page on my life. 

The night I got my name-change papers I bought a bottle of champagne and drank most of it.  (I usually hardly ever touch the stuff.)  I very consciously folded my male clothes for their trip out of my house, feeling like I was dressing a body for burial.  I have no idea what I will do once I get my GRS.  The problem here is that transition is a gradual process, so it is a little harder to mark.  But at some point I will do something to say: That was then; this is now.

- Kate

I guess i skipped that phase... or marking... I never really felt a definitive time in transition. Ok, starting hrt had a definite time, but it was unceremonial... popping that first pill on my bed in dorms. Full time was a slide of sorts, i just went from girly andrognous, to girl, no fanfare. I guess im not proud of this change, im just glad it happened, and that im free to live, knowing in my heart that I'm finally mostly one girl, alone in the world to make her mark.

Quote from: The None Blonde on October 11, 2009, 12:42:23 PM
I'm not sure I agree... sure, its a big deal, but an elaborate funeral ceremony seems a little... less than symbolic, and a bit 'out there'.

Sure do it if you want, i just dont quite see it as an idea id ever even consider. Its not worthy of celebrating in my view, Its something to be marked and moved on from.

To me, I'm still the same person, the same girl  I always was, the cover just changed. I didnt become a new me, or a new person, thats too much like changing sex... becoming the oposite sex... the old silly steriotypes of a man 'becoming a woman'... makes me want to grind my teeth sorta...

I want an excuse to dump a coffee can full of ash somewhere like Walter and The Dude and get drunk. Social gatherings are always an excuse to get drunk.

It's also called having a sense of humor.

I don't find being trans funny.

Quote from: The None Blonde on October 12, 2009, 06:03:04 AM
I don't find being trans funny.

Then that's your cross to bear.

If I didn't laugh my ass off about all the crazy things that have happened and continue to happen, I'd be a nonfunctional ball of tears on the floor of my room.

I have enough stories that deserve only tears already and expect to have plenty in the future. Why ask for more misery?

I dont consider it a cross to bear, or misery really. I just have so much of a fulfilling life that trans is really not that important to me. It was, it has been, and i've never been proud of it or seen it as funny, Oh ive seen the funny side to parts of transition... but not trans itself. I do respect what you say... if you want to mark it.. who am I to get in the way of a good pissup?

I think I can see what you mean, None Blonde, but I'm finding transition to be the oddest and most fun thing I've ever done.  (And I've done some odd things. )

Sure it has all sorts of potholes and difficulties.  It seems like a constant struggle, a battle within and a battle without.  But there are some really absurd things that happen.  And I am having more fun than I ever thought would be possible without causing longterm problems for myself or others.

Just the concept of being transsexual is weird if you think about it.  I mean, I'm a woman but I have a penis (blasted thing!) - how wonderfully peculiar.

We each approach this in our own way, depending on our natures and our situations and our particular needs.  I am very fortunate to be in a situation where I can have fun with it.  I expect to do this only once, so I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can.

(Hmmm.  I could get some Rocky Mountain oysters, drive spikes in them, and ceremonially bury them in the yard.  Well, I've got plenty of time to dream something up. )

- Kate

Yeah... Nomatter how hard I try, i cant think of myself as 'transsexual' though I am... it's very difficult to associate myself with the horrid steriotype the name produces. I'm a girl, or i wouldn't have started this... certainly didnt transition to become an inbetweeny.

Oh I know that feeling.  I was so afraid of getting stuck in the middle somewhere that I wouldn't even begin.

But finally I got to the point where I couldn't stand living the lie any more.  I threw caution to the wind (only metaphorically - I've actually been very careful how I've done this) and set sail on this voyage.  In the beginning I had no idea how far I would be able to go but knew I had to go anyway.

I even warned my friends that I might be able to get only part way, but that I had to at least try.

I still don't know how far I will be capable of going, but each step makes the next one easier.  It is a long journey, though, and I sometimes wonder if it is ever complete.

I sometimes say a little prayer that each of us – trans-sexual and cis-sexual alike – shall one day be whole.

- Kate

Actually, my dad suggested doing something like that, but that idea makes me really uncomfortable.

I mean, I've always been a guy, you know? The girl that everyone else saw, and the one everyone else remembers and thinks of when they think back. That never really existed. I don't want others to mourn the loss of someone that was never me, or even real person. There was nobody there before on the outside, everything people saw there were just a wall and a fake face. So nobody died, the wall was just torn down. That's just my take on it.

Could it be that the ceremony could also have that sentimental/ceremonial detachment of the character that you played for however many years - for your friends and loved ones - and the real you that you are finally embracing wholly? Like Cloudrot stated, many that know us, know us as that male/female that we posed as and acted and that is how they see us and think of us as. It may be a good way to bring them together and celebrate who they thought you were and 'kill' that memory, sever the connection between "Bob" and "Betty", leaving only "Betty" to live her life.

I don't know, I'm still having to live as "Bob" for now and still discovering who "Betty" is. I like Kate's view of marking the transitions, I'm sure I will want to somehow symbolically mark/celebrate the significant stages of my transition (HRT, FFS, RLE, SRS). I think it would be important to phase "Bob" out of the picture, after all he has been a part of me (reluctantly) for nearly 48 years.   

Deanna

I want to have a party when I change my name & start being fulltime, and there will definitely be a celebration after I heal enough from any surgeries, but that's about all I want.  A funeral type thing would be too depressing for marking a happy occasion.

Quote from: The None Blonde on October 12, 2009, 06:03:04 AM
I don't find being trans funny.

You better learn to laugh at yourself, honey.  There are enough tears that go along with this.

Kristi

I should have used 'full time' or 'srs' not 'transition' because transition is such a fluid thing.

Holding a Big Lebowski themed funeral for myself is one of the more normal, rational, and sane event things my friend circle could do, so... I can see why people might think it a bit odd. Stuff is only as macabre as you make it. Playing the opposite, a key component of acting and drama.

Quote from: Kristi on October 12, 2009, 01:17:38 PM
You better learn to laugh at yourself, honey.  There are enough tears that go along with this.

Kristi

The situations it creates? can be funny... I have a very dark sense of humour, no problems there, however, as a topic, i dont find transition funny, or happy, or awesome, or mind numbingly depressing. It was a weight off my shoulders, and its just life for now. I've lost my share, and ive gained more than my share. S**t happens, live for today, not for yesterday.

And Autumn... full time can be fluid too! Srs maybe i can see reason for a bit of a party