I'm getting more and more depressed and paranoid about comming out.
I am so frightened I am going to hurt and loose the ones I care and so very much love. I feel that I will loose absolutely everything I have at the moment and be left with nothing. I sit here sit here doing nothing but crying quietly thinking about the consiquences. I'm constantly depressed, cant sleep, moody etc. because of it.
I have made contact with a counciler and hopfully they can put me on the right path.
Since I have admited to myself that I am transgended the fear of telling anyone at all has been difficult.
A friend of mine and my partner is ftm and has been for many years and his decision had very negative effects. He has lost everything and had to start life again. That has worried me for years that might happen to me.
Sorry for any bad spelling, I'm not thinking very straight.
Hopefully I will share my life with you soon.

There's always a chance you don't loose it all.

For me, there wasn't a choice. I could not live a lie any more. Even if I was already dressing as a bloke, it wasn't enough. I needed to work on transitioning and I Had to ask people to stop calling me "her", and that meant I had to tell them why. That's why I came out.

it can be very scary at first. You have to ask yourself honestly which will hurt you more, because you are the one who will live with the decision. Like Miniar said many of us do it when we can no longer live a lie and basically have no choice. Doing so is not healthy, and it does no good to those around you either because you're not being honest with yourself or with them. Talking to a councellor is a good place to start. Once you know where you are, it's easier to tell where you're going.

for the last 25 years I did everything to keep what I had in my life.  Wife, home, good job, etc.  But the scar on my wrist tells me that I would lose something more precious, my life.

Which is more important?  Things and people that can be replaced?  or my life? 

Ah, my life? 

Ding, ding, ding.  We have a winner.

You need to really thing about what is best for you, in the long run.   But it is your call.
We are here for you.


Janet

Coming out to the first person can be very scary.  The second person is easier, and so on.

As the others have said, sometimes we just don't have a choice.  We HAVE to come out.

I went through a series of exercises to come to terms with it myself and to be able to think of being TG in a positive light so that I could present it in a positive light to others.  I also thought long and hard about how I would manage if I lost my friends.  I finally decided I had to come out anyway.

Coming out is a big step.  Do it with conviction.  Tell the people you come out to that you wanted to tell them yourself so that they didn't find it out indirectly.  Be bold.  We're talking about gaining a real life.

Good luck, hun.

- Kate

I came out by defualt rather than the courage of my own convictions. Once the war within came to a clear & decisive end, my fear was a marginalized factor, but that took 30yrs. I haven't heard many stories of people transitioning w/o burning their wings.

I am trying to get advice from sats here in Adelaide before I come out to my partner but their timetable is so booked out, I'm having trouble getting in.
The feeling i'm getting from what things my partner says about living with a woman is that I will not be able to get support from her if I do decide to trans.

I would like to post my personal journey. Where can I put it?

Hi

Feel free to post your story here at Susan's. I'm in Adelaide as well, you can pm me if you wish. I don't have any magic wand. As others have said, sometimes there is no choice, but as ever it's your call.

Cindy

One of the motivating thoughts that helped me come out to everyone is loving the thought of everyone that claims they love me loving me for who I truly am inside.

It's pretty considerate on our part to come out to them, if you think about it. It's nothing but honest.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I have seen my gp for a referral to a gender specialist and a special thank you to Cindy James for contacting me and just talking one on one has helped me to go forward and take small steps on sorting things out with me. I have had a one on one talk with one of my step daughters and she is very comfortable with what I have burdened her with.
We seem to have a special bond that allows us to share our very personal fears.
She said that nothing will change between us no matter what I decide to do.

That's really good news honey. Hope it all goes well. It's a long road but less lonely than it used to be. I'm always here if you need a chat. And of course the big family is here as well, and they have saved me often enough.


Cindy

Of all the fears we face, coming out to others, especially family is the worst.  After forty plus years, I'm still out only to my wife (from the start) and one longtime friend.  Thinking about it, he and I have not discussed it since then.  That will probably change soon, but he is now dealing with a divorce after twenty-five years. 

Sometimes it's an excuse not to talk about this, and sometimes it truly is not the time.  You never can anticipate the reaction from people.  The one you think would be supportive blows up, and the one you fear telling most, says "that's cool."  But close family have a right to know.  Up front and right away, but certainly as soon as possible.  For sure talk that over with your consellor. 

And remember your friends here.

SusanKG

Hi everyone,
Good news, things went well with the tg councellor last wednesday. She told me though that my doctor refered me to the wrong person first up as she is the one that prescribes the hormones and I should have been refered to a physiatrist which she has contacted and made an urgent appointment for me as she thins there is a chance of self harm. Only thing they can only get me in after christmas. My general feeling from the meeting is that I need urgnt help and could be a candidate for their program as she has ordered a battery of tests in preperation. The doctor I saw asked me if i considered self medication, but was so nervious that I replied with a totaly incorrect answer.
I say yes I had been exploring the idea but I said they were bad. I should have said that they were sooo expensive to buy and on an income of around $270 a week there is not much left over to buy them.

I have had a talk to my partner and she has no idea what i have been going through all these years but sh said that she will help wherever possible. I have also told 1 of my children with no reaction from him at this stage.

Frustration is setting in again, because things have slowed down again. I destroyed a computer keyboard last week and various outbursts of anger that are scaring me. I will have to wait for the outcome of the blood tests to find out what my hormones are doing. I suspect emotional stress and hormones are affecting things.

Take a deep breath.  OK, now take another one.

Things are moving along.  They seem to be moving glacially at this point, but things are moving.  This is better than before.  It will get better than this.  You are doing what you can, so try to relax and let things happen in their time.  Perhaps you can work on coming out to other people, or spend some time here doing research, or something else to prepare yourself and to get things settled in your own mind while waiting for the next appointment.

You're on your way, honey.  Good for you.

- Kate

What Kate said! You are now moving forward! And it does get easier after you tell a few people about your situation. Keep your chin up and realize you are heading in the right direction!

Quote from: nmason on November 23, 2009, 02:48:15 AM
Frustration is setting in again, because things have slowed down again. I destroyed a computer keyboard last week and various outbursts of anger that are scaring me. I will have to wait for the outcome of the blood tests to find out what my hormones are doing. I suspect emotional stress and hormones are affecting things.

I have dealt with serious rage steming from gender angst all my life since about 7. I get it. You need to control this as best you can. Have you brought this aspect of your self to the attention of a therapist?
I have had to medicate and/or meditate for this issue for years. However since about day 3 of HRT I have not had that feeling come up at all.
My rages have landed me in prison multiple times. So take a deep breath and find a space of mellow when you get like that next time.

Hi Hon

Sounds like very forward progress. Try not to stress out, the rages will calm down. You are going a long way quickly. Call me if you wish. As you know I'm a bit of a talker. Happy to talk anytime.
PS How was that heat!! I hope you didn't get called out. Stay safe.  Guess what? you are not alone

Hugs

Cindy
.