Today was pretty interesting. Found out a new guy we hired vocally hates mexicans and won't help them, a coworker who I thought was a lesbian actually was, and another co-worker found out that two of his friends are gay.

Or rather, I told him since we dissolved into rampant gossip and they were talking about an employee telling customers about his boyfriend. On the topic of openly gay employees, I mentioned two who are totally out, though don't quite flaunt it the way the other guy does. And homophobe was friends with them.

He took it really, really poorly. He's a self-professed serious homophobe and proud of it. After work, the 4 of us went to dinner - myself, homophobe, my female friend who knows I'm bi, and another guy. For like 2 hours, homophobe was seriously silent and almost catatonic. "I played tennis with that guy." "When did this happen?" "This isn't cool." "Should I text him?"

I was honestly blown away. The 3 of us were really surprised. I tried to console him by pointing out that shaking hands with another guy is touching his dick by proxy, and that the mens' room door is like a gay orgy, and how gay football and UFC were, and how he saw his friend in tennis shorts and still doesn't crave cock so he didn't catch the gay, but it didn't help for some reason.

It looked like a double date (it wasn't at all) - my friend and the other guy were sitting next to each other and picking food for each other and talking a lot. I'd offered to sit next to the other guy so that homophobe could not look gay by sitting next to me, but it didn't matter as I passed with the waitress  I'm not sure if my coworkers noticed.


What an odd experience. And kind of sad. He's 20, raised hardcore republican christian. I'd like to think that his brain was stewing, and honestly growing and churning over the issue. He started and stopped a lot of texts and said he didn't know what to do. My friend and the other guy said just get over it and live with it, but I told him to man up and talk to his (former) friend face to face. For the longest time I had thought he was around 25 because of how professional and mature he was at work.


*sigh*
I actually started socializing with coworkers as of the last few months, it took me two years to do that. I had no idea about the cliques, affairs, hatred, and bigotry some people have towards other people. All at once, it's refreshing to watch the store come to life, hilarious to hear about the drama, and sad to learn how petty some people are.

Quote from: Autumn on October 25, 2009, 03:42:48 AM
I had no idea about the cliques, affairs, hatred, and bigotry some people have towards other people. All at once, it's refreshing to watch the store come to life, hilarious to hear about the drama, and sad to learn how petty some people are.

Lol, most peoples lives are filled with all sorts of pointless and petty mini-dramas.  It can be entertaining, but it does get irritating after a while... A lot of people never grow up and go through the same cycles for 40 odd years.

Yeah, that's something I learned rather quickly when I still worked in retail. It lends some justification for my thinking of the people I find myself surrounded by in public in general and workplaces in specific as console RPG-like NPCs.

Everything little silly thing that happens around them seems 1) noteworthy and 2) worthy of telling everyone and anyone around them about. Oh, and 3) I can nearly always predict how their one dimensional character will react to something. Just today, going into the Wal-Mart in which I once worked for make-up remover (solely for it being the only store in my town with a self-checkout), I ran into "youngish woman who somehow acts even younger than she really is who is addicted to gossip."

As soon as I saw her see me, I knew my quick jaunt would now take twice as long to complete.

Erm, I wouldn't go quite that far.  In my experience, the behavior you're talking about is generally something of a mask, and underneath that is a complex person, trying to fit into a complex world where everyone wants to pretend things are simple.  To go with your RPG analogy, people aren't NPCs, theyre real people volunteering to pretend to be NPCs because society tells them that thats what real people are supposed to do.  It's all a bit of a madhouse.

Perhaps this is the chink in the wall that will open up the homophobe. 

One reason that homosexuals are far more accepted now than they were 20 years ago, is that almost everyone either knows one or knows of one.  Once you find out that the perfectly normal person at work or down the street is gay, you start realizing being gay is no big thing.

The same thing is happening with trans people.  The more open we become, the more people will realize they know one as a friend, neighbor, co-worker, etc.  It's a gradual process.

I'd be interested to know how your homophobe handles this new realization and very interested to find out what he thinks in six months.

- Kate

Quote from: heatherrose on October 26, 2009, 08:57:15 AM

Does this self-identifying homophobe,
know about your unique background?

Nope.

He's never been anything but cool with me, which is funny - I always assume everyone who sees me as a guy thinks I'm gay, but for some reason a lot of people think I'm straight. Or it makes it easier for them to assume everyone is straight until admitted gay, I guess. So far, people outside of my friends group are more confused by me being bi than me being trans. As I've said before, I'm more confused by me being bi than me being trans.

Yeah, as to the chink in the wall bit, I wonder if I may not have a positive effect transitioning at work - for people in general. We'll see, I guess, since that's the current route.

I just really appreciate the sentiment people have of wanting to be seen as a woman, not a transsexual, and it's a sickening shadow that looms over the shoulder, knowing that all the wonderful people I know now will always have their first impression. But that's a fact of life, I guess.

I love homophobes...I am no pushover but I come off like one when you don't know me. It gets interesting I must say, as I just can't leave well enough alone and kinda flaunt my bisexuality when I discover a 'phobe.
I know I am bad,...but I get sick of the hate and just need to 'do' something. That ussualy means actively checking out guys and comenting on their qualitys so the ->-bleeped-<- hating jerk can hear it. 

Quote from: heatherrose on October 28, 2009, 03:14:25 AM

Are you just as readily prepared to gossip about your own sexual
identification and/or orientation as you are about some else's?

I pretty much assume everyone does. I know a few have. 80% of human conversation is gossip anyway - if not more.
I wish I was comfortable enough to be open about it with all of my coworkers. I'm not yet. Some day.
In the mean time, I do a good job of *not* creeping everyone out for the most part - unlike the coworker who was the reason the conversation started.