Well, since accepting that I am, indeed, TS, I thought I was fine. I thought I'd be okay with not having surgery, with not going on T anytime in the near future, and just with living as I wanted to; you know, looking like a guy, even if my license, etc. stated otherwise. But it has recently become incredibly clear to me that I can't wait any longer. I think I was just hiding my true feelings; I was trying to delude myself into thinking that I would be all right, but that was wrong.

So I've decided that I'm going to drive to Susan's Fest, and when I leave for that, I'll be leaving my folks' house for good. I intend to change my name ASAP, and find a therapist quickly so I can start on T in the next few months (I hope). I've had enough of the hiding, and I want to make certain I don't wait any longer, and put myself through any further misery.

Why am I telling everyone this? Hmm... I'm not quite sure. I guess I'm just hoping for some support from everyone, because despite the fact I'm pretty darned settled in my decision, I'm pretty apprehensive about the whole thing. I know my parents will figure out I'm trans once I get on T, even if they only talk to me on the phone, so I figure I'll get it out of the way early by just telling them. Chances are they will disown me. But I'm playing on the one tiny hope that maybe they will accept me, even if just a little, and let me remain a part of their lives.

So yeah... support, suggestions, please.

Rafe

Rafe,
   Welcome to reality bro. Now that you have reached this point, there will be no turning back. Like you said, feeling the way you do, and having a drivers licence that says you are someone else pretty much bites That is what I did the forst time long ago (1986) Yikes. Changed my name and drivers licence and moved from Illinlios to California. That is the best way. Start clean. Start as male. Anything is possible Rafe if you want it bad enough.

                                                  Marco

                                         

If they accept you dressing like a guy and kinda acting like one if you act like one around them then I'm sure if you help them understand and explain to them exactly what it is and what it's like then I'm sure they will still love you and learn to accept you for who you are. I don't know your parents but I'm sure if they accept you dressin like one then they'd accept you as one just they'd have to get used to it. I got your back!

-JACK

*hugs*  I know verymuch how you feel Rafe....  Susans fest seems to be becomeing a big turning point for some of us too LoL... I wish you the best of luck dude... and Just be careful and safe and well....  *hugs*

The more I talk to you the more I find we have in common... Im kinda starting to think of you as my brother and just want to make sure your cool....  Carefull with the parrents and best of luck....  Chat with you later and see you at the fest.

A big decision Rafe....

Big Hugs and kisses for it....

Ultimately I guess you always knew it was coming, but making that final leap of faith can be the scarriest step.

Our support is never in question, we all know you to be a great guy, but whenever you need it ask.... here or in the chat rooms. Transition at times can be lonely, but the ultimate reward of finding peace and happiness is what drives us on.

Good luck mate.

Becky

Good luck Rafe.  I have no additional advice that I haven't already offered through our chats.

Melissa

QuoteWhy am I telling everyone this? Hmm... I'm not quite sure. I guess I'm just hoping for some support from everyone, because despite the fact I'm pretty darned settled in my decision, I'm pretty apprehensive about the whole thing. I know my parents will figure out I'm trans once I get on T, even if they only talk to me on the phone, so I figure I'll get it out of the way early by just telling them. Chances are they will disown me. But I'm playing on the one tiny hope that maybe they will accept me, even if just a little, and let me remain a part of their lives.

So yeah... support, suggestions, please.

Rafe

Support, support, man have you come to the wrong place if it's support you're looking for then you had better go to .....  oooops sorry about that I thought I was on the anger management site

Rafe you have reached the point that many of us have.  It was inevitable and unavoidable, hence - transsexuals will transition.  Now that you have realised this I believe that you will find that life will be easier to cope with in the long run.  Yes there are going to be hurdles to get over and what may seem an endless array of barriers but in the end you are who you are and there's nothing stopping that.

Yes it is very scary and you have every right to be apprehensive, who wouldn't be.  I think it would be safe to say that we were all scared and many of us still are, it's normal, but you can rest assured that we'll be there for you, we're just a click away, and as you know some here even volunteer their phone numbers.

And lastly, I wouldn't prejudge people, even though you are in a much better position than I to determine that, they can often surprise you.  Just keep an open mind as sometimes hope is all we have

Steph

Way to go Rafe. I sure wish I could go to Susan's Fest too. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or anything.

And your next step will be patience while you jump through the hoops

Dennis

Quote from: Rafe on September 14, 2006, 12:39:13 AM
I was trying to delude myself into thinking that I would be all right...

And odds are, as you move along, you'll *still* have many days when you're tempted to go back. It's only natural though, and as others have pointed out, it seems that if transition is your destiny, it's going to happen regardless.

Quoteand find a therapist quickly so I can start on T in the next few months

Keep in mind that I believe the minimum requirement for F2M hormones is six months of therapy, at least according to the Standards of Care. Not all therapists follow the SOC of course, and exceptions are often made.

QuoteI've had enough of the hiding, and I want to make certain I don't wait any longer, and put myself through any further misery.

Yup, I know that feeling all too well. It's GREAT to get into therapy and start moving ahead, but those feelings of urgency can sometimes overwhelm us too. TRUST me on this, lol. Once we finally get started, after keeping it bottled up for so long, it's SO tempting to want everything RIGHT NOW. But it's also important to gauge your expectations to avoid feeling frustrated.

QuoteChances are they will disown me. But I'm playing on the one tiny hope that maybe they will accept me, even if just a little, and let me remain a part of their lives.

Awl, well, you never know how people will react. You see it all over the forum, everyone is constantly surprised - both good and bad - at people's reactions to this. AND, the most important thing is to remember that *initial* reactions aren't always final ones. Don't lose hope if it DOES go badly at first. People need time to digest this, to get past that "oh my god! what are you doing?" instinctual response. Parents especially, as they're going to feel protective of you... it's their job to question everything you do


Congratulations!

Awesome!  I hope it goes well for you.  Support?  Try envy.  I wish I was at that point.  I know I'm probably going to reach a breaking point like that too...  But for now I'm trying to aim for starting T a year from now, no sooner.

I thought the minimum thereapy was 3 months...  As far as I know a lot of gender-friendly shrinks will write you a letter much sooner if you're a clear cut case though.

Quote from: Mikko on September 14, 2006, 11:34:58 AM
I thought the minimum thereapy was 3 months...

It is for M2Fs

I think the logic is that T makes changes which are more difficult or impossible to reverse (such as voice) versus E.

Hey Rafe,

Congrats on making one of the most awesome (and frightening) decisions of your life!!! If you have truly searched yourself and know for certain that this is who you are, then you must do whatever it takes to fulfill your destiny. I always say--- Half a life is no life.

I don't know how old you are but I know I spent too many years sitting on the fence, until I couldn't take it anymore. I took what the philosopher, Keirkegaard called a "leap of faith".

As a Christian I believe that God has known me always (since before I was born) he understands me and it would be Him who would see me through it all, He's not let me down. Not to say it was always easy, just to say -- I was never alone in all this. He's given me more than I could have ever imagined or hoped for. If you own a Bible read Matthew 7:9-11 and the story of the man born blind in John 9:1-11

Good luck--I'll be praying for you buddy. Stay safe, stay brave.

Scott

Thanks, Scott. I am a Christian myself and glad to hear I'm not the only one. I am certain I am a man, have been certain since as far back as I can remember, and I get so sick of people telling me I can't possibly reconcile it with my faith!

Right now I just really need friends. My family, I think, is starting to suspect something is wrong, and they're not taking it well. I am trying to build a support system around myself so when I lose my folks, I'll still have a family.

Rafe

Awesome, Rafe! You're getting out of your parents' place, that's a huge step. Hope you can get on T soon. Good luck!

Good luck, Rafe! I definitely jealous of a you a bit. You have your life in your own hands, and you're doing what you want with it. Support? Here it is! You're so brave to break through barriers(your own or the world's) like this, and even though it'll seem bad at times, the result will surely be worth it. Good luck, dude.

You look great, btw 

Rafe, don't count your family out so fast. Maybe given a little distance and a little time, they'll realize that it's you they love, not their image of you.

You probably still have to get to the space where you do what you want, not what others want of you, though, so you're moving in the right direction.

Dennis

I'm starting to lean ever more towards the T treatments, too.
I'm still considering it... Not sure... But more and more it appeals to me. We're in the same boat, Rafe. You're just a couple months ahead, methinks. Haha!

Tinkerbell...

I'm not sure whether I'll tell my folks before susan's or not... if not, it matters not; I'm still moving out. I'm 24 years old, and the last thing I need is to be living in my folks' house. I don't know if they'll figure it out eventually or what, but I just got my binders and have started binding most of the time. I have facial hair that is definitely noticeable... and if they haven't figured anything out by this point, I'm not sure they ever will.

I know I'm leaving; I need my independence, and I need to be myself. And I have an awesome girlfriend now who will let me do just that.

Oh, and thanks everyone for the comments on my pic. I thought this one looked a bit more feminine than my last, but oh well... I like it. It's me, anyhow.

Rafe
Posted on: September 24, 2006, 01:20:36 AM

---

oh, and Draeden... when I first got on Susan's 3 months ago, I was determined I wouldn't go on T. It didn't take long for me to realize just how important it is. But to each his (or her) own.

Argh...  I'm starting to feel really anxious to start treatment too.  At my next support group meeting I think I will set up a one-on-one meeting with the therapist who runs it... 

Yeah, and I've got an awesome and peachgastic boyfriend!

Rafe, there is nothing female about you besides your unstereotypical ability to respect other people's opinions and give foreplay. I am just delighted with who you are as a man, and I am also delighted that you don't find my snarky personality off-putting.

I'm scared for you, Spacekat. Your family seems even less tolerant than mine was - and I know how beyond hurtful losing them has been. That said, what must be done must be done.

In any case. Look at it this way. Once you have your own place we'll be able to snuggle on the couch and read the bible together.

Bree, Quierando a besame mucho.