Hey 

Im starting to get really confused again 
I little while i was ready to come out and now that ive had the perfect opertunity. Im not sure about a few things again.
So i know that i want to live as a girl, but somtimes i think.... maybe i could be that marcho guy that is excepted everywere he goes. I don't know why think this, maybe because in the short term is easyer???
Another thing is that when i lesten to certain songs (I have a very deep conection with music) it makes me think maybe i could be that loving guy that cares for his girl like no other could. (Eg. R n B songs mostly) Im not sure, just confused about myself again i guess.

Has anybody else had this? Did it pass very quicky? Am am thinking this because i just don;t want to except myself.

ERRRR CONFUSED AGAIN 

I found that when I accepted me for me, the songs weren't a guy loving and caring for his girl, but that it was a guy loving and caring for me, His Girl.

It gets better as you get to accept that Yes you are!



Janet

I don't why i have not ever rlly thought of the songs that way....
Thanks again Janet, you always answer my posts's in deapth and make me smile.
Thanks again! 

confussin is in all our lives, from time to time. It's natural so be true to yourself
Sarah

I've felt the same way before, I knew what I wanted but there was always something in me that said that I was crazy and that my feelings of being female were wrong. At this point in time I've accepted myself and been consistent with how I felt and am trying to begin to take action to correct myself and try and become who I really am. I even built enough courage to tell one of my friends, which I NEVER thought I could do LOL!! That part of it worked out so far at least, while I don't think he completely grasps the mental aspect of having GID, he has been completely supportive and has helped me out. So he has been really sweet about it and hasn't said anything negative to me at all, which was fantastic and really helped me out alot with feeling isolated about it.

I used to also have the "what if?" questions in my head. I'd think if I tried I could have been great at football and excelled in sports in high school, or could have had a girlfriend and been a macho guy. But that stuff never worked for me, I've just been going through life trying to best match how I acted with the way my body was... but I can't do it anymore. I've not once gained anything in life trying to pull off the whole guy thing. I know who I am and I know what I want to do. There will come a time when you can figure out exactly what your feelings mean and hopefully you can begin to sort things out and find out what is best for you.

-Heather

So, having doubts is normal.  I don't know anything about you.  I do know that wanting to live as a female isn't all there is to having GID.  I think you should find a therapist and really get to the reason behind your feelings.  I think that if you do have GID, and are transgendered that you have a little ways to go before you are ready to take major steps. 

Not wanting to accept things in life that will make your life more difficult is pretty normal.  I mean, stubbing your toe isn't going to last forever, but it sure sucks for about 10 minutes and I don't know anyone who wants to do that for fun. Not exactly the same, but it works for my point.

I know for me, I had cold feet before my FFS.  It's scary, I'm not going to lie.  I had doubts afterwards too.  It was really hard to see past the horrible mirror and into the future.  I can now say, without a doubt that I don't have any doubts.  For me, it was the tough decisions that gave me doubts, but after I made them I was fine.

I think an important first step is to accept you for you.  Being happy with yourself is really important, even if you don't really like what you see right now.  See a therapist and get to the bottom of it.  Just understand what going through all of this really means and involves, and what doing it really means for you.

Read through this as kind of a warning.  It's kinda scary, but I think it's important for everyone to read before they move forward.
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Warning.html

Quote from: justme19 on November 29, 2009, 09:22:12 PM
Hey 

Im starting to get really confused again 
I little while i was ready to come out and now that ive had the perfect opertunity. Im not sure about a few things again.
So i know that i want to live as a girl, but somtimes i think.... maybe i could be that marcho guy that is excepted everywere he goes. I don't know why think this, maybe because in the short term is easyer???
Another thing is that when i lesten to certain songs (I have a very deep conection with music) it makes me think maybe i could be that loving guy that cares for his girl like no other could. (Eg. R n B songs mostly) Im not sure, just confused about myself again i guess.

Has anybody else had this? Did it pass very quicky? Am am thinking this because i just don;t want to except myself.

ERRRR CONFUSED AGAIN 

justme- I wasted a decade thinking the way you are thinking right now.  Ask yourself which gender you prefer being while having sex, and base your "life-decision" on your HONEST answer to yourself.

Whatever you do, don't waste time; regret is a b****.

Hugs,
Rachel

We are who we are. Yes I've had problems, but I'm happy now. I wouldn't be the person I am today without GID. I know this sounds strange, but think about your own life.
Sarah

Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 29, 2009, 09:28:22 PM
I found that when I accepted me for me, the songs weren't a guy loving and caring for his girl, but that it was a guy loving and caring for me, His Girl.

Janet

I forgot about this. Heh. I had this experience a couple of weeks ago. I've mostly had female partners and I would always relate songs to them. I can't even remember which song it was on the radio that made me pause, consider this, and go "Whoa."

We deal with a lot of shame coming to accept ourselves. Probably the same thing gay men go through. But once you accept yourself things get easier. Assuming you actually are trans. Sometimes the feelings *are* misguided.

Since starting HRT, I am actually really annoyed by my long hair. Most people love it, but when it's not pulled back I feel like it makes my face look way more masculine. I want to go to a shorter cut, but I've never had one and I'm afraid. And a lot of people will yell at me when there isn't as much to play with :p Before I came out to my manager, when I asked her what hair cut I should get, she said keep it, that I wouldn't be me without my hair. So I'm kind of keeping a haircut as my final ace in the hole trick for when I go full time to change my appearance.

But I've also thought about how convenient it would be just to shave my head and not have to deal with all the BS. And now that I've lost strength I never knew I had, how convenient it would be to be big and tough. But those are convenience factors... I don't think I could actually stand them. Building muscle accidentally is one of the things that pushed me to transition.

The other was looking at myself in the mirror one night with fake breasts under a shirt and feeling how complete I felt seeing the contour and shape instead of my flat chest. Something inside me just broke and I told myself that I needed them.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 29, 2009, 09:28:22 PM
I found that when I accepted me for me, the songs weren't a guy loving and caring for his girl, but that it was a guy loving and caring for me, His Girl.

It gets better as you get to accept that Yes you are!



Janet

Sooooo true girl!

Hi Tasha
I enjoy your smile
Sarah