Hi, longtime no post. Anyways...

I have a problem with my online persona(s). Whether it be a chatroom, forum or an online game I generally take the approach of being ambiguous. I am very guarded and try to avoid any conversation that may lead to someone asking questions about me, specifically variations of ASL. I found ignoring the question to be problematic. People will either think I'm rude or hiding something, both of which is understandable from their point of view. When you talk to someone long enough it's a reasonable expectation to at least learn the person's general age, location (country at least), and sex. I'd like to be able to answer "female" but I can't bring myself to do that. It's a lie. Lies make me very uncomfortable. No matter what may be going on in my head, I'm not physically female, which is generally all people go by. So in the end, I answer "male". This often ends the conversation in awkward silence since a lot of people initially assume I'm female, especially in games.

It's the internet and I can be whatever I want. There's no good reason I should balk at answering "female". It's not like anybody is going to have a secret spy camera pointed at me to make sure. I also can't check the Female boxes on profiles. Again it feels like I'm lying. At the end of the day it just boils down to me being a coward. I don't like to face problems. Apart from explaining to people that my brain has issues with the rest of me (which I'd prefer not) or just plain "lie" and claim I'm female (which I'm uncomfortable doing), I'm not sure how to respond to people. Perhaps there is a better way that I'm not seeing.

Interestingly enough a while back I encountered this problem in a game (my avatars are always female) and gave my usual "male" response. My apathetic mood followed that by saying "call me whatever you want". I've been referred to as "she" by them ever since. Sometimes things work out on their own. I wish that happened more often.

That is the nice thing about the anonymity of the internet.  There is no Secret Squirrel camera to verify that you are who and what you are.  If you feel that you are female answer so. I have for a couple of years as I came to accept who I am.  If they don't like it, let them delete my account.

And when It comes to ASL, unless I really want to met them, they get the same answer.  "I Don't Give That Information Out".



Janet

I don't care that I have 'female' parts. I'm male and that is all there is to it. I'm not lying to anyone and if they don't like it they can take a short drop and sudden stop.  Why should I or any TS person have to conform, especially online! Online is where I can be ME without everyone looking at my boobs and remarking 'she'.

Well; don't lie.. But accept that the truth might not always be obvious.
For instance, I usually play female characters online, because I'm more comfortable with that. Now; usually people don't ask me about my gender, and I'll talk about myself as a woman. Not really a lie, though.. It's not intended as such, and besides, I play a female character in an RPG. Role-playing game. It's also the way I feel, and since bodies hardly count for anything, on the internet.. No mirror-mirror on the wall telling me I'm hideous, see?

But if asked directly, which usually happens if people are... Interested, and want to be sure, I'll just tell them it's complicated. And then explain, if asked about it.
A few guys never wanted to talk to me again, one actually told me I should step away from all this, and live a good Christian life, so that God would make me a real woman after I die, and reach Heaven, and a few became even móre interested, and I had to fend them off by saying I wasn't single.
(Note: I do not play on U.S. servers.)

Anyway; when is it a lie to portray yourself the way you want to be perceived? And if that doesn't fit your birth-gender, then won't it always be a lie, no matter what you do? Won't HRT be a lie, since you're just 'taking hormones,' just like a cheating sports-jock? Will SRS be a lie, because you'll never have your very own ovaries/testicles?
Perhaps they are.. But they're the closest we've got to being who we feel to be, and what we so desperately wánt to be. Basically, they're the closest thing we've got to 'truth.'

ive always played female characters and once had my heart broken when i started to have feeling for a guy in an rpg came i had to break it off when it got to the point were a phone call was expected and deserved. bad for self esteam but i cant play rpg as a male feels completely wrong
jessica

I'm a people pleaser. My own opinion doesn't matter if it could cause any kind of problem. It's odd considering I don't really like people. I will value the opinions of people who would attack me over my own. I suppose since so few people associate with me to begin with I tend to go overboard in keeping potential problems to a minimum. Bad company being better than no company according to whatever logic (or lack of) governs my head.

I wish I could just give a blunt "N/A" answer or an unapologetic honest answer. Caring what everyone thinks is pretty silly. I don't want to keep withdrawing from people whenever a conversation gets to close to me. Being so secretive to everyone all day every day is very draining.

Unfortunately some profiles give us a option of male or female and no little box to check for other or TG. On my yahoo profile I originally checked female and later change it to avoid confusion. I found that I get more contacts from good people that way also. Almost all of the TG/TS/CD community are fantastic persons.

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Post Merge: November 27, 2009, 07:11:25 AM

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Janet Lynn, A little off the subject but you mentioned Secret Squirrel and it reminded me of a email I sent once where a had written secret secutity clearance, Naval Investigative service and foreign agent. After I sent it, I reviewed my sent message and found those terms highlighted. Big brother is watching. George Orwell was off by a few years.

I love the internet for that...though recently I've been having a mess with my voice dropping from hormones and everyone in my MMO's guild asking why >.< ....and I've got no idea what I'm supposed to tell them because I do NOT want to be known as the ->-bleeped-<- of the server.

Added oddity is half of my characters, the ones I play the most, are female...not because I like playing a female, but because I liked the character models of the females more than the males. Seems like they put more work into the female models sometimes, I swear...

Quote from: jesse on November 26, 2009, 06:18:42 AM
ive always played female characters and once had my heart broken when i started to have feeling for a guy in an rpg came i had to break it off when it got to the point were a phone call was expected and deserved. bad for self esteam but i cant play rpg as a male feels completely wrong
jessica

All my characters are female as well, but I have a strict policy or no romance in MMOs (with some rare exceptions for people who know me in RL). But by and large I play the MMOs for the adventure aspect of the game and the social interaction.

I also usually play with GBLT guilds since it is harder for the online bullies be unpleasant to me if I am in a ventrillo or teamspeak channel with 40 other people who all know about my situation and are supportive or at least have it as a non-issue to them.

I have found proper planning and  I choosing the right people to associate with helps me avoid a lot of the idiots.

hi tina nice post what mmo do you play mine was everquest for the longest tim wow never really attached to me im still eq junkie but i havnt played in a while. just curious not trying to hijack the thread

Hi VioletNight..

I might be missing something... but here we would just like to meet you..

...no physical hang-ups...no need to explain...

I just think you need to spend a little more time exploring your feelings, as you are doing now.. 

Susan's is here to help sort these things out, so if you feel female, then just go with the flow, see how it feels to be accepted...

..and if in time, it still doesn't feel right,  then you may have your answer....

*Hugs*

Chrissty

Well before I was always female. . . And now if I get the choice, I usually prefer the male characters in games.

Unless the females are given different stats. (Like better magic. I like magic.)

Usually though, people don't really seem able to tell what gender I am. Probably because I don't say very much. I'm not generally very open or social, and this extends to the internet.

That being said, people referring to me as male just makes me feel good. It feels right, you know?

Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 25, 2009, 10:44:37 AM
That is the nice thing about the anonymity of the internet.  There is no Secret Squirrel camera to verify that you are who and what you are.

Not that you know of, lol.

Quote from: Chrissty on December 01, 2009, 03:54:53 AMwe would just like to meet you

When I find that person I'll let you know. 

Quote from: SilverFang on December 01, 2009, 04:24:25 AMNot that you know of, lol.

What's that strange shiny object over there... 

I like the Internet because I can act, talk, relate with others, etc. as a female, which I can't do in real life.  The one issue of course, is when fantasy meets real-life.  I can act a woman as much as I want here, and I love being able to do so, but I am enough a realist to know that anyone online that sees a female avatar and name will think me a female for true, which I cannot be.  I avoid any relationships online for just that reason, unless I meet someone here, or other sites dedicated to us.  If it is a relationship you seek, be sure to be upfront right away, instead of leading him on, and setting yourself up for heartbreak later ("why can't he like me for what I am?"- sorry, probably not going to work)  We remain a minority.

Rose

George Orwell was off by a few years.

I guess ignoring most of what was really going down in '84 - but its commonly assumed that 1984, was just the reverse of 1948 when he wrote it.  It was his contention that it was going on even then.  And, to a very scary degree, I can see a lot of what he was talking about in terms of memory holes and purity campaigns even in here.

First off, why do they need to know your sex?
I have found that women almost never ask, only the guys do. The only reason most would ask is if they were interested in something more.


If you play a female character though, I found the way to deal with it is with sarcasm. "No, I like playing a female so guys constantly ask me stupid questions" usually tends to stop any further questions. Most will not question it again simply because of what it implies.

I have had that before. I just respond with female. Even before I knew I was TS, I would respond as being female. Oddly enough, Only female characters get asked ASL. (Or at least, the ones I have played)

Hi...
  I spos it s a bit different for me as i m 62 .    been on t v . in the papers & on the net around the world . so . having a profile . & being well known . really  what you see is.  what you get . & being involved with many groups of people . there is no need to use any thing other than my real  name .s  &   my pic . so just google my name & then you ll see . & on the chat rooms it s just the same .just the hair style has changed .  being on flickr i have a few pic s just use.    noeleena.  edwina...

     ...noeleena...