Oh yeah, and my mother will probably be the same way.

She thinks gays are mentally ill. Eh, it bothers me a bit but not like I can talk her out of it.

Anyone else heard of Francis Garcia? She seems to be quite supportive of her (maybe she thinks she just wanted to perform in female clothes?) But called her a he. She doesn't hate gays for who they are, but has something against them all. And especially has something against bisexuals.

I think it's easier for them to see transsexuality as a birth defect. Plus they don't have to worry that you'll never fit into that neat little binary, if you didn't it would cause them more stress than it should for some reason.

Quote from: Teknoir on December 09, 2009, 05:46:55 PM
Wow... interesting. I didn't think it was this common to disclose sexual orientation before gender.

Seems I'm the odd guy out!

Then you are not the lone odd guy. I never told anyone my orientation except to my youngest daughter. and then only cause she asked.

Same. I told my mother I was trans long before I disclosed my sexual orientation.

I suppose it's very stereotypical of me to say but I figured a lot (not all) ftm's did a stint in the lesbian community?? Hmm its nice to be wrong sometimes!
I am beginning to see why my mum said this hey... Not that I condone the whole oh you can still be normal mentality, I just wanted to understand what she meant when all she has done is read trans books and ask me questions and help me!! Just trying to return the favour!
Cheers guys, all valid points and your input is much appreciated.
Jay

hate to break it to you but there is no lesbian or gay community where I live.

Sorry to hear that dude... I didn't actually mean a literal community lol, just that imo people have the misconception that all ftm's were lesbians first. It is interesting to hear otherwise that's all. I personally was never really into the lesbian scene. There was just something that always felt different - like I didn't really belong. Because I didn't! They were happy to identify as women loving women and I never thought of myself that way. And it was really difficult to accept it at first and when people would ask me even partners 'are you gay?' I would say 'no, I just love her/you'... Funny when I think of it now. And now being trans changes my label again -but I havn't changed at all!!
I never really knew how my mother felt til she said. I didn't know she had a difficulty with it til I told her I was trans. I mean when I told her I was lesbian I moved out for a number of months and didn't speak to her, and there was the whole 'oh where did I go wrong as a mother' etc conversation/screaming session we had way back when...
Mum's can be pretty good actors when it comes down to it I suppose... Then there are always their not so subtle moments as well!!

I never really felt the urge to be part of a lesbian or gay community. I tried the LBGT alliance in high school for a year, but was never really that into it. To me orientation is just who you are and isn't something to be fawned over and paraded around (similar to my views on race, sex or anything else that you're just born with and didn't work at to earn--but that is a discussion for another time and another place). More the power to those that fit into those communities...just not for me.

So, I also never did a stint as a lesbian (avoided being categorized as such like the plague, actually) nor was a part of the LBGT community outside of this forum.

Well, you did ask for the ladies' opinions. Hope I don't reflect too badly on them... ^_^

Anyway, it does seem that people are more accepting of trans-ness as something foisted upon you, whereas because they made it through adolescence without giving into the fantasies, homosexuality's a 'choice'.

Also, as noted, lesbians are immediately identifiable as such. Girl + transguy are not IDable unless they give it away. Girl + transgirl are out of luck entirely. (Oh well.)

For some reason, people tend to think that you'll be attracted to the opposite of the gender you'll hold after transition (i.e. if you become a guy, you'll like girls). For example, I like girls. My mother knows this full well. It's blatantly obvious. But upon telling her "I wanna be a girl" she says afterwards, "So do you like boys, or..?"

instead of worry about how much you'll stand out, i would put my money on the ideas a few have said about her regarding transsexuality as a physical birth defect vs. homosexuality which is something that goes on in the head.

i am a methodist, and i pretty much agree with my church's official stance on homosexuality which is... no official stance. we don't know if it's right or wrong and feel that it's God's business to judge. any LGB people are totally welcome at church and Bible studies, etc.. just if they want to get married, the church says "uh..... really sorry but we can't marry you in the actual church, try the courthouse?? invite us to the reception though!! "

so for me, transsexuality is much easier to accept because being a birth defect, it is just like blindness or deafness. something went physically wrong, but it's no fault of that person, just something unfortunate that doesn't affect your relationship with God at all.  however, homosexuality is kind of touchy because of the whole whether-or-not it's a perversion or totally alright is still debated.

I've never been involved or had interest in the gay & lesbian community. I never had interest because I'm neither. I despise the thought of being seen as lesbian (even by a lover).

I'm just a guy who likes women. It would be like calling a guy you know a lesbian, always referring to him as one and even his lover sees him as one. He'd be like WTF? I may be wrong, but I'm sure many gay people are offended by being called straight when people know they're not. Is this true?

I think I'm getting it better now... I really never knew she felt that way when I was living as a lesbian. That kinda sucks 
Everyone has put forth really valid points here so thanks guys and girls. I suppose when I realised I was trans I thought that would be the worst thing I could tell my parents. Well it felt like it, I mean they have raised me for the past 20 odd years, changed nappys etc... I thought to tell them I wanted to transition they would feel like I was killing their 'daughter' (not that they ever really hada little 'girl' as I have never been a girly-girl) but I figured when I came out as lesbian it was no big deal... Like it was just fine print you know.
How backwards was my thinking! Like I don't care what anyone else does - do what makes you happy I say (so long as you're not hurting anyone), I suppose I don't realise how un-accepting the world still is.