my one friend said I seem "warmer"

Mentally, the most prominent changes I've noticed, are I'm no longer as "open" with my feelings as I once was prior to T. Don't get me wrong, I still have a huge heart, I guess it's just harder to express things now. Which is different to me, because before T, I was pretty much an open book with my feelings.
And my anger, is definitely more short fused, than before. I had a pretty hard battle with anger issues in my early teenage years. I would bottle everything inside, and burst sporadically, usually resulting in numerous holes all over my bedroom. I'm not punching holes in walls these days, but I don't bottle things up anymore. My anger usually comes out, on the spot, to whatever the case may be.

Not a whole lot different, other than what a lot have already said: calmer.  More level headed.  Less violent.  Much, much less violent.  I still get angry, but... it's not as deep as before, I am able to deal with it (without breaking things) and move on.  It doesn't fester and result in an explosion like it used to.

I've never been open with my feelings.  Sometimes I think that, on T, I'm more willing to share things.  But then I realize that it's only with a select few people, and I realize it's probably more because of them than the T.  With previous friends, I was still struggling with things (trans-related) and shut a large part of myself off from everybody.  I had no words for my feelings, anyways.  But these friends, they are the first people who know about me--and are OK with it--so I'm more willing to talk.  I still don't talk about feelings or personal stuff much, but it's a lot more than before (since I'm comparing it to 'never').

I responded here to comments about T and aggression. My response got VERY long and was usurping this thread, so I started a new thread over in HRT. Here's the link for anyone who wants it:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,69622.msg471717.html#msg471717

Quote from: Nero on December 14, 2009, 09:09:41 AM
I usually masturbated about 3x a day on estrogen. It was extreme.

Um... this is "extreme" ?!

Quote from: Christian >.> on December 16, 2009, 04:11:58 AMUnfortunately he is the only endo in the area that I can get an appt. with...so if you guys have any links to medical crap citing the whole "roid rage" for FtMs is myth, please post em up or shoot me links.

Technically it's not. Steroids and T are basically the same thing (...I did an essay on the topic of steroids, actually. Gee, wonder why...lol)
however:
1) while it's heard of, and reported, it's not exactly common (if it was, about half the highschool football team would be killing their girlfriends)
2) the hormones/steroids can 'unmask' underlying disorders. Meaning if you already have anger control issues* you might want to be getting help for that too
3) site http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/roid-rage-14-questions-and-answers

I had other sources, but most of them were on depression effects and the masculinizing (is that a word?) effects in women (..that's kinda what we're looking for eh?)

Your doctor is clearly uneducated...

*yeah maybe I should take my own advice

Quote from: Nero on December 14, 2009, 08:09:14 AM
...Men are scarier under the influence of estrogen, I believe.

*hugs Nero*

Quote from: insanitylives on December 17, 2009, 06:24:25 PM
Technically it's not. Steroids and T are basically the same thing (...I did an essay on the topic of steroids, actually. Gee, wonder why...lol)
however:
1) while it's heard of, and reported, it's not exactly common (if it was, about half the highschool football team would be killing their girlfriends)
2) the hormones/steroids can 'unmask' underlying disorders. Meaning if you already have anger control issues* you might want to be getting help for that too
3) site http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/roid-rage-14-questions-and-answers

I had other sources, but most of them were on depression effects and the masculinizing (is that a word?) effects in women (..that's kinda what we're looking for eh?)

Your doctor is clearly uneducated...

*yeah maybe I should take my own advice

On top of that, the goal is to have our testosterone levels raised to a healthy male level. Whether it's estrogen or testosterone, it's bad to have your levels outside the norm for male or female. Roid rage is only going to happen if they're out of control.

On T, I'm much calmer than I used to be. I do still get angry, of course, but whereas prior to T the anger wouldn't dissipate for hours, sometimes days, now it does quite quickly. I can't cry nearly as easily, but I see this as a good thing. Prior to T, I would cry every time I got angry, which was really problematic... people saw me as weak, etc. I'm pretty certain that the fact I feel so much better about myself in terms of being a dude is due to the fact that I look like I should now, and people perceive me as I want them to, rather than being due to the T itself. Oh, and sex drive... at least 10 times higher than before. It never stops.

SD

Quote from: Sebastien on December 17, 2009, 11:27:24 PM
Prior to T, I would cry every time I got angry, which was really problematic... people saw me as weak, etc.

SD

God, me too. It used to drive me crazy. There I was all pissed off and giving someone hell and tears would be rolling down my face. Now I don't get as extremely angry (maybe less frustrated and more pure pissed off) and I can simply give them hell and have done with it.

I've read about FtM's being all bothered because they cry less. For me it's a blessing because it pretty well only happened when I was mad and completely destroyed my credibility while I was being mad. Which made me madder....

Horny, yes, crying less, yes. Otherwise the main effect has been looking in the mirror and seeing me and not somebody I wasn't expecting. I might be a little less prone to empathy than I was, at least I'm less likely to be sucked in by a sob story. Otherwise, I'm still the same person. Friends tell me I seem more content and happier.

Dennis

Sex drive and anger.. thats the only diff..

Jay

I'm lots hornier, less patient, somewhat more aggressive (but not violent), and starting to be happier in myself. I feel emotionally stronger. How much any of this has to do with T, directly, is anybody's guess.

I wonder when my sex drive will settle down a bit. It's been over ten months.

Quote from: FlorDeLuna on December 17, 2009, 05:53:17 PM

Um... this is "extreme" ?!

Oh, I meant the general pattern. It would get a lot worse than that at the peak of the cycle. Now I feel more in control of it. Take care of it once, and I'm usually set for the day.

I've found after 4 months that I'm much much less emotional, which is great for me, because my moodiness was a real problem. Now i tend to just get angry about something, sort it out, and then its over. Before I used to mull over something all day, it was ridiculous. I am a little more impatient and I am finding that sometimes i have trouble understnding hy my girlfriend gets upset or sensitive, as I dn't see what the big deal is. I'm finding that I need to keep that in check and remember how it feels. The other thing is that I dont think incessantly all day anymore, there is much lss going on, and for that I am grateful.

I'm... shyer.    But I'm not sure if it's the T or being in this ambiguous state where I don't know what people are seeing. And as much as I can say I don't care in theory, it just makes me nervous.

Quote from: Nero on December 21, 2009, 04:23:14 PM
I'm... shyer.    But I'm not sure if it's the T or being in this ambiguous state where I don't know what people are seeing. And as much as I can say I don't care in theory, it just makes me nervous.

I'm sorry, Nero. Some guys just take longer than others.

Someone mentioned moods. I have fought depression for most of my life. Sometimes it has been worse than at other times, but it's always been there in one form or another. And I get seasonal depression, too. I even have a lightbox to help me with that. But my moods are much more modulated now. I was getting a mood trough at the end of my shot cycle, so I switched to half a dose once a week. The mood swings went away. Miraculous.

After starting HRT, I feel so much more stable, even though my whole life right now is immensely unstable. Sure, I have my bad days, but they're situational. So I'm more stable, more confident, more able to deal with the monkey wrenches in my life. As I said before, some of this could be due to transition and not T alone. But I think that much of my non-depression comes from the hormones.

I would love it if the T helps stabilize my moods and lessen the depression.  I've been going through older threads here (on page 30 now!) and keep coming across how the brain is wired for a certain "fuel" (estrogen or testosterone).  It really makes sense to me.

Quote from: jmaxley on December 21, 2009, 09:03:08 PM
I would love it if the T helps stabilize my moods and lessen the depression.  I've been going through older threads here (on page 30 now!) and keep coming across how the brain is wired for a certain "fuel" (estrogen or testosterone).  It really makes sense to me.

Even if your brain isn't "wired" for T, (I have no opinion on the subject 'cause I have no evidence to draw from), you might very well get some benefit. And transition itself can be a terrific mood boost.

Agreed with Arch. I wouldn't approach T as if it was an antidepressant...the general idea that you are slowly becoming more comfortable with yourself can help your mood, as well as the difference in estrogen anger vs testosterone anger. T won't fix actual mood disorders though, so if your depression is caused by more than just your GID, don't expect it to poof away.

Quote from: Christian >.> on December 22, 2009, 01:02:50 AM
Agreed with Arch. I wouldn't approach T as if it was an antidepressant...the general idea that you are slowly becoming more comfortable with yourself can help your mood, as well as the difference in estrogen anger vs testosterone anger. T won't fix actual mood disorders though, so if your depression is caused by more than just your GID, don't expect it to poof away.

Pretty much. I have quite a few disorders that I don't expect to go away. I think my anxiety is linked to GID, so maybe that will go away, but it can be hard to tell what is caused by GID and what isn't. So I, myself, am trying not to have unrealistic expectations. If it happens then it happens, but I do expect good to come out of it.